


The woes of a teenage vampire

by Hugo_falcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animals, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hate Crimes, Healing, Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Magic, Medical, Party, Partying, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Quidditch, Slow Burn, Torture, Useless Lesbians, Vampires, Werewolves, medic reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24214456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugo_falcon/pseuds/Hugo_falcon
Summary: Raised by your pure-blood family in France, you believed that just like your brothers, your parents, your grandparents and their grandparents you'd be headed to Beauxbatons. As it turns out, life had other plans. Now afflicted with a unique condition you must navigate a new country, hide your condition and if that wasn't complicated enough you still have to deal with the regular teenager experiences as well.To make matters worse, a war is coming. Can you make it out alive?
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Reader, Cedric Diggory & Reader, Fawkes (Harry Potter) & Reader, Fred Weasley & George Weasley & Reader, Fred Weasley & Reader, George Weasley & Reader, Hermione Granger & Reader, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown & Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown/Reader, Reader & Poppy Pomfrey, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33





	1. Before 1st year

You'd planned to attend Beauxbatons Academy of Magic once the summer holidays were over. In fact you'd believed your place was gaurenteed when your acceptance letter had arrived. Unfortunately, you hadn't discovered that schools could retract acceptance offers. That's one of the many things you learned after the incident.

Your parents had been furious, immediately afterwards they'd sent off letter after letter to schools worldwide, while you stayed in your room staring at the ceiling the way you had everyday since the incident. Every school that had bothered to write back had given you the same two answers; unfortunately, due to your daughters condition we cannot accept her into our school... is what they wrote to be polite, and a blunt No is what they sent went they weren't. There were other letters too, that you suspected had worse things written on them. Those letters, your mother would pile up in a corner of the courtyard and incendioed the heck out of.

Just when you were at your wits end, just when you thought that your magical education and the life you'd imagined hapening was over, a letter came back from Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. You'd sent off so many applications and received so many rejections that when you tore the letter open you did it without a single ounce of hope left in your body. You read the letter, and then reread it just to make sure your eyes weren't decieving you, but they weren't. They really weren't.

_Dear Miss Y/L/N,_

_We are pleased to inform you, you have been accepted into Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry..._

You dropped the letter on the table, joy filling every single cavity of your body. Your mother took the letter from you, and read it carelessly, hopelessly, dismissively and then she froze, jaw dropping, eyes popping. She smiled at you, her hand reaching out to take yours and then you were being twirled across the kitchen as the two of you literally danced for joy even though privately you thought that this was only half of the battle.

You arrange the meeting with Professor Dumbledore, despite your mother's instance that it wasn't necessary – she was worried that you'd jeopardise your position but you were more concerned with protecting the other students. You could hurt someone, kill someone, far too easily and the very idea made you feel physically sick. You couldn't ever let that happen, you had to keep them safe.

You meet Professor Dumbledore on the 29th of August. Your mother let's you go alone, because she knows you're uncomfortable discussing the incident and the affects of it in front of her. You can't floo directly into Hogwarts so instead you floo into The Three Broomsticks a pub in the village of Hogsmead that lay just a little distance from the castle. Madame Rosmerta, the owner, was to escort you to your meeting. What it was about she had no idea, and that was a good thing.

When you arrive, she leads you up a winding path, through the castle grounds and in front of two stone gargoyles. Just before leaving, she gently straightens your tie and wipes a streak of ash off your face. Momentarily, you're taken aback by her kindness until you remembered that she didn't know.

“Merc-” You started to say before you caught yourself, “Thank you Madame,”

“Your welcome, I hope your meeting goes well,” Madame Rosmerta said with a soft smile before leaving you facing the two stone gargoyles.

“Lemon drops,” You say quietly, feeling foolish. Professor Dumbledore had told you the password to his office, but you still felt foolish saying it since you had no idea what a lemon drop really was. For a moment nothing happens, and you nod to yourself. Of course this whole thing would've been an elaborate hoax to remind you that you were no longer welcome in Wixing society now that you were a monster. Then, a strange clicking sound reaches your ears and you look up to see a spiral staircase before you.

Hesitantly, you made your way up them, arriving in an office littered with strange magical devices. You knew what only a very few of them were but you knew better than to touch any device that you hadn't had the proper training to use.

A beautiful, fiery red phoenix stood on a perch in front of you. It watched you curiously, before flying to your shoulder and perching there, pecking gently at your ear. Awkwardly, you reached across with your left hand (you were right handed, the same side that the phoenix was perched) to return the unwarranted affection. You knew you should go and see Professor Dumbledore, but you couldn't help but want to spend a few more minutes with this amazing animal.

“I'm Y/N Y/L/N. It's nice to meet you,” You tell the phoenix as if it were a human you were having a conversation with and not an animal. When you were younger you'd thought talking to an animal as if it were a human was ridiculous but since the incident you'd been being talked about as though you were an animal and quite frankly you were tired of it. You held out your hand and the Phoenix bit it and nodded up and down – which was the strangest handshake you'd ever been given but you couldn't help but smile a little.

“I see you've met Fawkes,” Professor Dumbledore calls out to you and you smile.

“Is that your name?” You ask the Phoenix who nods affirmatively, before pecking your ear and returning to it's perch. You turn to find Professor Dumbledore smiling at you.

“Sorry I'm late Professor, Fawkes is enrapturing,” You tell him and Dumbledore smiles.

“That's perfectly ok, I find that Fawkes makes a rather interesting conversational partner if treated with the proper respect,” Dumbledore says kindly, “If you'd like to come this way,”

Professor's Dumbledore's office was more comfortable and neat then the chaotic mess outside. Portraits of former headmasters and headmistresses lined the walls and you bowed your head as a sign of respect to them before taking a seat opposite the headmaster and surveying him curiously. Both his beard and hair were long, and he wore half-moon glasses over his brilliant blue eyes. Your eyesight, that you'd suppressed, suddenly sharpened focusing in on him. He had a kindly smile with soft crinkles around his eyes that suggested he was good-humoured, but deep forehead lines that showed his stress. You force your eyes to unfocus, and return to somewhat human levels of vision.

“What can I do for you today miss Y/L/N?” He asks and you take a deep breath.

“As you might have gathered from my letter, I have a unique... condition which is why I wanted to ask you to put some boundaries in place to protect your students,” You say, trying to be brave even though inside your shaking with the idea that this could all be taken from you. If you weren't cautious then you could be expelled before the year had even started.

“I'm not sure this is necessary,” Professor Dumbledore states and inside your head you curse him for his foolishness.

“Professor, please do not mistake kindness for stupidity,” You snap, “I'm aware of my... condition and I know what issues could arise,”. Professor Dumbledore raises his hands in a calming, placating manner and you bow your head in shame knowing that you've blown it.

“My apologies, I had not intended to make light of your vampirism. As you have said, you are probably far more aware of what issues could occur than I am, what would you suggest that I do?” Professor Dumbledore asks calmly, ignoring the way you flinched away from the word Vampirism.

“Well first, I need to be able to access.. blood.. privately and with some kind of restraint,” You explain to him, feeling sick at the thought.

“How often and what do you mean by restraint?” Professor Dumbledore queries.

“Once a week, and by restraint I mean I need something that'll stop me from... Unlike older vampires, younger vampires can lack the control to stop. Without external restraint, they may attack someone,” You answer, pretending you were reciting a textbook and not speaking from personal experience.

“Then my office will be available to you,” Professor Dumbledore says, just a calmly, as though he is not even slightly repulsed by what you've told him.

“I'd also prefer it if few people know. If they know they will attack me, but if they don't then I will not start fights and therefore there will be no need for retaliation,” You say, you'd debated it many times. Should you let them know, or should you not? Which is best?

“Very well, I shall ensure that only myself, your head of house and the schools nurse know,” Professor Dumbledore offers and you nod.

“Is that all?” He asks and you give on final nod.

“Very well, may I make a request? Once a week, after you feed, I wish to see you in my office so I may check on your well-being,” Professor Dumbledore requests.

“Of course,” You say quietly, “But you don't need to worry,”

“On the contrary, I know how difficult this will be for you and so I wish to support you as best as I can. Any problems, any complaints, anything at all you may tell me during these hours and during these times I promise that you have no need to fear punishment as long as your honest and offer explanation as to why something happened,” Professor Dumbledore tells you and you have to stifle the overwhelming emotions running through you. Here the headmaster of your school was, who knew what you were and still spoke to you as though you were human, offering you support, "Now, have a safe floo home and here, get yourself a butter-beer before you go," 

You take the sickles, too overwhelmed with emotion to say anything.

Fawkes flies back to your shoulder as you prepare to leave.

“It was good to meet you Fawkes, I hope that we'll see each other again,” You tell the amazing animal and he chirps in agreement.

Later that night, when you thought back on it, you knew you were still a monster and yet you got the feeling that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't all you could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter! I have a sneaky confession, I've already written this whole thing in full, but before releasing I'm editing thoroughly. Still, I think I want to get this out relatively quickly, so I'll try to update twice a week. Saturday and Sunday work for everyone?


	2. 1st Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, to your first year at Hogwarts!

“Be good, and send us as many letters home as you can,” Your mother makes you promise as you stand at the edge of the platform. You figured you'd be embarrassed to have your mother here, being so mushy in front of everyone, but your not. You're glad that your mother's here being all mushy, even though you're now a vampire.

“I will mum, I promise. I love you,” You say smiling happily, as you wrap her into a tight hug. She kisses your forehead gently and then let's you go, handing you your trunk. You head towards the train with your trunk which had been charmed with the undetectable extension charm and the feather light charm (even though with your new levels of strength it wasn't necessary) that your mother had done before helping you learn them yourself. Those weren't the only new tricks you'd learned, in fact there were dozens of charms your mother had taught you before you were due to get leave. Now, you were here, actually heading to Hogwarts on a train. This train.

You wave to your mum and she smiles at you, lifting her camera to take another photo, because apparently the million different photos of you in your school uniform, you stood over your cauldron, you pretending to cast with your wand and you actually casting with your wand just didn't quite cut it. You roll your eyes, and wave goodbye to her as the train starts to pick up speed. The compartment door slides open and two boys and a girl enter the compartment, taking the available seats.

“Hello,” One of the boys says to you, he has a slightly crazy glint in his eyes, “I'm Seamus,” He says, extending his hand for a handshake. From his manners alone you assume he's at the very least a half-blood, not that blood purity really matters to you any more.

“I'm Y/N, you seem like you've got a lot of mischief behind those eyes of yours. I really hope we can wreck havoc together,” You tell him, your walls are tightly enclosed around you and your not giving anything away but they don't seem to notice.

“Hell yeah!” Semaus says with a grin, flipping out of the handshake and punching your hand. While you don't quite understand... whatever that was, you take it as confirmation that you've just made a friend.

“So... who are you?” You ask the boy next to Seamus and nervously he reaches out to you.

“Neville Longbottom,” He says and you smile at him.

“Nice clothes by the way,” You tell him, and he blushes a little but smiles at the compliment.

“I'm Lavender Brown!” The girl next to you says before you can even get around to greeting her, you don't comment on it and just greet her with a handshake and a smile.

“Nice name,” You tell her and she smiles.

“Thanks, I had nothing to do with it,” Lavender tells you and you let out a slightly shocked, delighted laugh that makes her blush. You pause for a few seconds to see if anyone else wants to take the lead but when no one speaks up you decide that you'd better before it got too awkward or people got too curious.

“Well, now that introductions are out of the way... who'd like to play a game?” You ask boldly. The three all nods, Neville still somewhat nervously, but you give him your best reassuring look that you hope helps to put him at ease “Don't worry, it's really easy. It's called twenty-one dares. Someone starts and they have to say three numbers in order and whoever ends up having to say twenty-one has to do the dare,”

“I can start!” Seamus pipes up, “1,2,3”. You can tell the second after he's said it that he feels foolish so you step in and quickly say another three, Lavender goes next, then Neville, then Seamus once again. When it get's back to you your on 18.

“19, 20,” You say calmly, turning to Lavender who with a small gulp says 21 and prepares herself for the dare. You look at the two other boys, a wicked smile curling your lips which makes them pause for a second – you worry momentarily that you've exposed yourself – until you see a reflection of your own grin on their faces. Seamus runs his hand through his hair as he thinks, but Neville's the first to come up with an idea.

“Pardon?” You ask Neville gently, trying not to spook the boy too much.

“D-dare her to do a lap of the outside corridor with a funny face,” Neville offers.

“Excellent idea! One second,” You say, gently turning Lavender's nose snout like. For a moment, the others look at you stunned, before Lavender resolutely stands, flings open the door and races out into the corridor. The dare is relatively simple, and in no way requires her to do what she does. Sprinting down the corridor, she starts to make noises like a pig, slamming her hand onto carriages and attracting as much attention as possible before diving back into the cart where you're all in peels of laughter. You undo the simple transfiguration spell that your brothers used to use on you and Lavender glares at you.

“You're going to pay for that,” Lavender promises you.

“Why me?” You protest and she smiles.

“You introduced the game,” Lavender reminds you.

“Fair,” You agree.

You play the game for most of the train ride, pausing only when the trolley witch arrives and you buy a whole host of sweets to share amongst your friends – you don't actually need food and as all your taste buds are dead you can't really enjoy it but it's what you would've done before. Unbeknown to your new friends, you've been analysing them intently the whole time – Herman Stralts theorised that one can hide in plain view but only if they understand how the mind of their seeker functions and that's what your doing. Seamus seems confident, and he's stubbon which means that if you let him believe something is one way for long enough he'll refuse any attempt to change it. Neville is nervous, but he's also more intelligent then he thinks he is. Lavender Brown is very feminine and brave, but she's gossipy meaning if you give her any reason to be suspicious she'll either spread it across school in seconds or gather enough information to make up a conclusion, you'll have to be careful around her.

Halfway through your lunch Neville let's out a panicked cry.

“I've lost Trevor!” He says, terrified. Immediately, you stand, placing a hand on his shoulder doing your best to calm him down.

“It's Ok. I'll help you find him, just tell me what I'm looking for,” You order, your voice is calm and after a second or two you see Neville start to breath normally.

“He's my toad,” He tells you and you gently pull him to his feet.

“Off we go then,” You say calmly and he nods.

“I'll come with you,” Seamus volunteers.

“Same here,” Lavender promises, “After all, we're friends now,”

You decide it's best to divide and conquer the tasks. You and Neville start searching the trains compartments and asking if anyone's seen anything while Lavender and Seamus look for the toad in the corridors. Most people in the compartments just apologetically say no but one girl offers to help look and goes to ask in some of the compartments you haven't yet checked (and some that you have).

A few minutes later, you find Trevor.

“Should his leg stick out like that?” Seamus asks.

“No. No it shouldn't,” The unknown girl answers. Nevilles starts to cry into Lavender's shoulder and you grimace.

“Neville, buddy, do you mind if I try something?” You call out to him and Seamus shrugs.

“I mean you can't really make anything worse,” Seamus says with a shrug, Neville still with his tear stained face nods at you.

“Hey buddy,” You say to the little toad before you, “This will only hurt a little bit, but it'll make you feel much better. If you could stay still for just one moment,” The toad blinked at you which you took for conformation that it was Ok.

“Episkey,” You cast, and the toad's leg heals, "Is that better? I hope it is, come on, let's get you back to Neville,” You say, gently lifting the toad, and passing him to over.

“Thank you so much,” Neville says still slightly sobbing as he pulls you into a hug.

“It's fine, I'm glad I could help. Now look after him,” You say, patting his shoulder. The other's give you an impressed look.

“It's a really easy spell, I could teach you all it,” You tell them as you head back to the compartment. It wasn't as easy as you made it out to be but you didn't want a lot of attention when you had a huge secret still.

When you got off the train, you hear someone yelling for all the first years. You and your friends are all in your school robes. When you hear the yelling, you turn your head to see a man who was clearly a half giant. Seeing him felt like a hug, just to know you aren't the only person at Hogwarts who wasn't quite human, you're heading closer to the group of first years when besides you Lavender let's out a squeal.

“What's up?” You ask, turning to face her, eyes and ears on full alert.

“Look at it, it's amazing,” She says gesturing to the castle, and even seeing it for the second time, you have to admit it's impressive but as you study it you feel the slightest pang of loss knowing that this is your school now and you'll never be permitted to see Beaboxtons's icy towers, skate across it's pond or sit in it's crystal hall and stare out at the mountains. What's worse is that you'd never get to pull pranks on the Professors with your brothers like they'd been planning with you from the day you were born.

“Everyone to the boats,” The half-giant calls out, and Lavender grabs your wrist pulling you into a boat with Neville and Seamus. As you make your way across you notice something stirring below the water. The giant squid, you realise with a jolt, you'd read about it in Bathilda Bagshot's: A history of magic. You tickle it's tentacles gently and when you head into the castle you could almost swear that it waved goodbye.

“Did... did you just befriend a giant squid?” Lavender asks incredulous.

“I... I think so,” You say giggling a little. Seamus whistles a little, impressed and Neville smiles down at Trevor but Lavender's different. Her brain seems to be whirring, turning over and over as though trying to figure something out. Instinctively, you reach out and place a hand on her shoulder. She grins sheepishly as her brain finally stops whirring and a blush makes it's way across her cheeks shading them a beautiful rosy colour.

The boat docks, and you make your way up a set of stone staircases where at the top you are greeted by a stern faced woman who the half-giant (Hagrid as you soon discover he's called) greets as Professor Mcgonagal. She starts to talk, but you don't pay attention instead taking a moment to regain control of your fears and your longing for the life you were supposed to have.

A hand falls to your shoulder, stopping the whirling demons inside your mind. You look over to see Lavender giving you a look that seems to say 'it'll be ok'. You smile at her and she drops her hand.

“Trust me, it won't matter which house you're sorted into,” She promises and even though that's not what you were worried about you smile at her softly. You already know which house you're going to be sorted into, Slytherin where all the evil wixes came from. You knew all about Hogwarts, unlike your classmates you were incapable of sleeping so to pass the long night-time hours you read, there was nothing else for you to do.

You enter the great hall, too distracted by recounting all your knowledge inside your brain to listen to the sorting. It's only when Professor Mcgonagal calls your name and someone nudges you that you remember it's happening and climb up the stairs to a wooden stool where an old grey hat is. You sit down and almost immediately have to stand back up when the hat names you as the one thing you never thought it'd say:

“GRYFFINDOR,”

The house of the brave. The hat thought you were brave. You're careful to try to make yourself seem as human as possible, moving slowly as you make your way over to the Gryffindor table. Stunned, you sink into your seat still trying to work out why you were here, why anyone would put a vampire in Gryffindor.

Someone nudges you out of your thoughts and you look over to see Lavender sitting besides you with a smile.

“Earth to tamer,” Lavender calls to you and you roll your eyes.

“Tamer?” You ask, shaking your head slightly.

“Yep! You already befriended a giant squid and saved Neville's toad, what else was I going to call you?” Lavender asks and you laugh a little.

“Fair enough,” You say gently.

A girl sitting next to her strikes up a conversation with Lavender about fashion and with a soft smile you tune her out having no desire to participate in their discussion. You notice that Seamus is a little distance away from you talking to … was he called Dean? Neville is conversing quietly with his toad. Harry Potter, you're surprised to see him but your not as star-struck as most people in the hall since he's not as big a deal in France as he is in England, is talking to a ginger-haired boy – Ron? Across from you is the girl from earlier, you try to work out her name and your brain eventually answers you with Hermione.

You start to talk to her since she's the closest person who hasn't started talking to anyone. When you realise she's a massive nerd you talk about your classes, she uses you as a source of knowledge and when she remarks that she's a muggle-born you excitedly ask her questions about muggles since you've never experienced anything like it. You tell her about how muggle technology doesn't work in the wixing world because of all the magic and she starts asking about if there have been any experiments to try to change that. It's an interesting question that makes you want to hit the Library tomorrow and pull out any and all books you can find on it.

Once the feast is over, a prefect leads you up to the dormitory. You sigh, disappointed, it's important for the girls to see you 'sleep' since you couldn't get the dark circles under your eyes expected of someone who didn't sleep but tonight was going to be very boring. You choose a bed near the window so that you might have at least a chance of seeing something interesting. You lay there listening as the girls slowly fell asleep, until all that could be heard was the sound of snoring. You wait, begging time to speed up, until finally you can't stand it anymore.

“Tempus,” You whisper quietly. It's one o'clock in the morning your wand helpfully informs you. You muffle a groan of annoyance. Everyone's been asleep for hours, and it's so dreadfully boring being the only one awake in a room full of sleeping people. You had to do something before you lost your mind from the boredom. Quietly, you creep out of your bed, pulling open your trunk and grabbing a book at random. Book in hand, you make your way to the dorm's large window where moonlight streamed in and careful to avoid making too much noise you open the book. It wasn't a fiction book but you were still so lost in it's words that you didn't notice when a girl approached you.

“You know even if you're nervous, there's no excuse for sacrificing sleep,” Lavender tells you, giggling when you jump.

“What are you doing up?” You ask.

“What, you don't really think this happens by itself do you?” Lavender asks gesturing to her face with a playful wink that makes you chuckle a little, “Now come on, what's got you so nervous that your reading instead of curled up in bed sleeping,”

You don't think before you answer, still shocked by the fact that she's in front of you and that's the only excuse you have for why you come so close to blowing your cover, “That's not why I'm doing it,”

“Then... why are you?” Lavender asks you and you need to escape her questions.

“It doesn't matter,” You tell her, jumping up, throwing the book onto your bed and forcing yourself to move quickly (but humanly quick) to the shower room.

“Rude,” Lavender mutters under her breath and you wince.

You turn the water up as hot as possible in the shower but you don't feel any heat at all, only the brush of the water along your skin. It's one of the many things you've never quite been able to get used to, that nothing feels hot or cold. You try to turn it up hotter but you still feel nothing. With a defeated sigh you leave and head back to your bed. Lavender's no longer in the dormitory and everyone else is sleeping so you dress quickly, too quickly, but since there's no one around to notice you don't worry too much.

The great hall is easy to find when you let your ears use their full extent of hearing, then it's easy to find due to the noise alone. When you arrive, you worry you've angered Lavender, but despite the rudeness of your actions, when you find her she smiles at you. She likes fruit for breakfast, she piles apples, bananas and strawberries onto her plate and five or so minutes later she's finished. Her eyes lock onto your empty plate, and she grabs a bit of toast, dropping it in front of you and looking at you expectantly. You quickly swallow it down and she smiles at you.

“Ok, I'm going for my morning run. Do you want to tag along?” Lavender asks, you have to go to Dumbledore's office soon but you figure you probably have some free time.

“Are you sure?” You double-check, if she's only being polite then you can go now but if she's not then you'd really like to join her.

“As long as you can keep up,” Lavender answers and you grin.

“You should try keeping up with me,” You tell her, competitively.

“Alright then, race you to that big willow tree and back!” Lavender yells and then she's running, you bolt upright doing your best to match her speed or beat it just a little and avoid using your advanced skill. As you get closer to the tree, you feel like it's familiar and important somehow but it takes you a few seconds to realise why. Impulsively, you grab hold of Lavender and spin her out of the way as a branch strikes the spot she was. You grab her hand and start to run until you're a few more metres away from it.

“Are you ok?” You ask worriedly.

“I'm fine, you have amazing reflexes,” Lavender says, stunned.

“I just recognise the tree,” You say and it's only a half lie.

You have an hour to kill before lessons and so you go to the headmaster's office. The second you arrive, you see a tiny little bird on Fawkes perch. You smile as he flies over to you, he's small enough that when you hold out your palm he can perch on your finger quite comfortably.

“Hey Fawkes, I have to go talk to Professor Dumbledore, want to come with me?” You ask and he chirps his agreement. You walk up the stairs, gently tickling under the birds beak. When you try to move your hand away, he bites your finger gently, and with a small eye roll, you lift your hand and tickle his head before knocking on Dumbledore's door.

“Enter,” The kind voice of your headmaster calls.

“Hey Professor,” You say to him, looking up only to have your finger bitten by Fawkes who demands your attention, “Hey!”

“You have to be firm with Fawkes or else he'll never stop biting,” Dumbledore tells you.

“That's ok, it's part of how he communicates and besides I have really tough skin,” You tell him and Dumbledore smiles.

“Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you,” Professor Dumbledore says with a small smile, “So far, how are you?”

“I'm doing quite well professor, it's a little awkward to be fully awake at night and having to pretend to sleep but I did get to read at about one o'clock when everyone else was asleep,” You tell him and he nods understandingly.

“I can't offer much without drawing attention to you, but if you'd like I could lend you some books if you let me know of a genre and I can teach you the notice me not charm,” Dumbledore offers.

“The notice me not charm?” You ask, you hadn't heard of it before.

“Indeed, most wixing world residents learn the disillusionment charm and then never use it again but it is a relatively quick and easy spell to learn. It's less effective but it can fool most wixes into skipping right over someone if they aren't too strong willed,” Professor Dumbledore explains. You take out your wand, carefully moving Fawkes up to your shoulder first, and follow Professor Dumbledore to the side of his office where he shows you the spell. You repeat the process, carefully, quietly until with a smile you realise you've managed the same result as the professor.

“Thank you Professor,” You say, smiling softly.

“No problem, would you like to borrow a book now?” He asks and you nod, “What are you interested in?”

“Have you got any papers on the effects of magic and muggle technology?” I ask and Dumbledore scans his shelf, finally finding a red book shot through with gold.

“At the moment this is the closest thing I have, but if I find any more I'll be sure to lend them to you,” He promises.

“Thank you professor, I'll take care of it,” You promise and he smiles.

“I know you will, you have already gained Fawkes trust and he is not the type to trust easily,” Professor Dumbledore says with a smile.

“Is that right? Am I special to you?” You ask the phoenix gently and he bites your ear and pulls lightly as if to say, well duh. Professor Dumbledore let's out a gentle cough and you look up at him, alert.

“I think it's time for you to feed,” He says, handing you the blood pack you'd become all too familiar with. The part of your brain that remembers it was once human is disgusted, as it always is, but your body is now a vampires that doesn't care and only knows that it's hungry. 

You gently lift Fawkes, not willing to look your friend in the eye as you set him on Professor Dumbledore's shoulder and the old man stands by ready with his wand.

“Incarcerous” He casts and the thick ropes bind you just tight enough to hold you in one place but not prevent you getting your necessary nutrient. You turn your head in shame.

Over the course of the year your life takes on a rather repetitive blur. A lot of the magic being taught to first years is already as familiar to you as a dearly cherished book and in a way that was boring, thank Merlin for Professor Dumbledore though. See, whenever you went to see him, he'd let you talk for a while and then teach you new spells before letting you leave with a book after you'd fed. Both he and Fawkes became friends as treasured as Seamus, Dean and Neville (although Fawkes was often cuter than any of them). 

You can read a lot of book in one night though, and since you spend a lot of time in the library you become really good friend's with Hermione who shares your love for knowledge and it's pursuit, often you can convince her to stay up and debate different theories on magic. 

You play pranks with Seamus and Dean, but compared to the true masters Fred and George Weasley, you aren't anything special. The best thing you manage to accomplish is that you doused Professor Mcgonagal with water by placing a bucket on top of the staff-room door. It was fun until she worked out who it was, honestly the detention wasn't too bad considering it meant you didn't have to be alone during the night.

You and Lavender stay friends and often the two of you can be found sat close together conversing and joking. Hermione points out to you one day that when you're around Lavender you seem happier, you spend a few evenings thinking about it but you still can't put a finger on why that is, especially since you've more in common with Hermione.

At your first flying lesson, Neville falls off his broomstick. You feel so incredibly guilty afterwards, because if you hadn't been hiding the fact you were a vampire you could've caught him. (Professor Dumbledore let's you talk with him about it, and he reminds you that Neville only suffered minor injuries and that there had been lots of people in that class who could've done something but didn't manage to and that there was no guarantee you could've which makes you feel better.) Draco and Harry get into a fight over his remembrall and they take to the air, which was the point that Lavender got scared for them and hid in your shoulder. You held her tightly to you as Draco launched the remembrall across the sky and Harry pushed his broom into a dive that many professional Qudditch players wouldn't dream of attempting and just when you though it was all over and Harry was about to die he pulled out of the dive clutching the remembrall in his hand triumphantly. Unfortunately that triumph was shortly lived when a furious Professor Mcgonagall appeared, only to take him into the castle and make him a seeker (you didn't always hate the advanced range of your vampiric hearing).

At Halloween, a troll was set loose. Despite Hermione coming back (somehow having made friends with Harry and Ron – which you just accepted since she seemed happy) and assuring her that she's perfectly safe, Lavender sleeps with you for 'protection'.

Professor Snape makes everyone test their own lucid dreaming potions for homework. As a vampire, it had no effect on you, so under the pretence of laziness you copy Lavender's work changing it just enough to avoid Professor Snape's anger. Hermione is incensed and refuses to speak to you for two days before you make up an excuse of having had a really personal nightmare. Surprisingly, she believes you and although she spends an hour lecturing you she eventually forgives you for cheating.

Hermione, Harry and Neville are out of bed after curfew loosing Gryffindoor most of it's points. You don't quite understand why, but you respect Hermionie's privacy and figure that she must have had a good reason. Lavender, Seamus, Dean and Lavender's friend make really snide, mean remarks about them like the rest of the house. It annoys you to the point that one day you snap and demand they leave them alone. While Dean and Seamus apologise and agree to lay off them, Lavender and you get into a massive fight.

“Of course you defend her!” Lavender yelled at you angrily.

“What's that suppose to mean?” You demanded, they were both your friends.

“You know what? It doesn't matter!” Lavender yelled and walked away.

Despite still having the rest of your friends, you felt so alone without Lavender that one morning Fawkes brings you a letter from your parents. The fact he'd flown such a long way for you, something you rarely asked the Hogwarts owls to do, touched you deeply and the words from your parents helped ease your loneliness but you missed Lavender. That's when you realised that you had a tiny crush on her, not that you could say anything considering that she was straight and if she knew you were a vampire she'd hate you. Sensing your misery, Fawkes kept you company (which was welcome and also a good reason to use the notice me not charm since you doubted Professor Mcgonagal would be very happy to know there was a bird perched on your shoulder the whole way through her lesson).

When it was revealed that Harry, Hermione and Ron saved the school, Lavender and you finally made up. Wanting to make up lost time with her, you convince her to sneak out of the dormitory late at night. The two of you make your way to the lake, just the two of you. A part of you wished that it was a date but you reminded yourself once again that a lesbian vampire wasn't exactly Lavender's type. Still, when she initiated an embrace you held her close to you.

Before leaving Hogwarts you made Lavender and Hermione swear they'd write to you and asked Fawkes to visit you. They all agreed (Fawkes by rolling his eyes as if to say 'well duh, nothing could keep me away'). On the way back you, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Lavender and Lavender's friend all played twenty-one dares with you. When you arrived back at the station, your father was there. He pulled you into a tight embrace, before the two of you apparated away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's quite a bit longer than before. Which is why I have two questions:
> 
> 1) Do you think I should split it into two separate chapters?
> 
> 2) What do you think, overall, could be better?
> 
> If you let me know and it doesn't interfere too much with the main plot lines than I'll probably change it - all advice is welcome and massively appreciated!
> 
> Oh! And just a little fyi, although the reader is friends with Hermione the main plot-line of the book doesn't affect her as much as it affects the main characters. She'd worry about her friends but she's mostly friends with Hermione and not massively integrated into the golden trio.
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading! Have a great week, and try to stay safe.


	3. Before 2nd year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the family! What makes the 29th of August so special that three presents and a phoenix turn up at your window sill? Who knows, but now Fawkes is here he isn't leaving until you get back on the train for Hogwarts.

The gentle sound of tapping at your window is what makes you set down your book. Excitedly, you roll off your bed and race to your window to let in your friend Fawkes the Phoenix. Fawkes coos softly as you open the window, before flying to your shoulder. You know that he's about to go through another transformation, so you gently set him on your desk on top of a hastily thrown blanket. He steps off you suddenly, bursting into flames and you watch him worriedly for a moment before the familiar chirping of his younger form reaches your ears. You gently move your hand down for him, and he climbs on – as he grew through out the day he'd move up to your shoulder to make it a little easier to carry him.

“What shall we do today?” You ask him but he bites your finger as you try to walk away from the desk. You look at him quizzically, until he moves his head pointedly from you to the window. You walk over and see three neatly wrapped parcels awaited you. Mentally, you try to work out why they're here. It wasn't Christmas, that much was certain – it was still Summer. Fawkes gives your finger a sharp nip.

“Sorry buddy, just trying to work out why they're here,” You say, gently rubbing his head. You reach out cautiously and pull the presents in, before walking over to your bed with them – logically, your parents knew you didn't need one but they also knew that you took comfort from lying against it. Two of the three parcels were from predictable people; Lavender and Hermione – your friends, but you were surprised to find that one was from Professor Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore's was wrapped delicately in red and gold Gryfindor's colours, Lavender's was wrapped with pink wrapping paper (although pink wasn't your favourite colour you found that in this moment you quite liked it) and Hermione's was red with teddy bears sporting cards saying... No, there was no way they could've known, you'd never mentioned it but then here it was.

_Happy Birthday!_

You jump to your feet, apologising when you startle Fawkes, before racing to your Calender. It was the 29th of August. Your Birthday. It was your birthday! You hadn't wanted to celebrate you birthday last year since Vampires didn't age and therefore there was nothing to really celebrate. You looked over at Fawkes, overwhelmed with emotion.

“Thank you so much,” You whisper and he chirps happily, already looking older. You walk back over to your bed, stroking his feather's once, gently, before Fawkes flew from your hand and made his way to your desk chair where he perched comfortably. You gently open your presents.

Professor Dumbledore had sent you a book on medical spells, you'd mentioned your curiosity about how healing was actually done in a letter a few weeks ago, Hermione had sent you a dozen comics about a 'Doctor Who?' it'd be exciting to see what muggles read and Lavender sent you chocolates. They looked expensive and you winced internally. Lavender didn't know that you didn't eat, you couldn't taste anything, so her gift would go to waste, still you appreciated it and was certain you mum would enjoy them.

Pausing only to let Fawkes fly to his usual perch on your shoulder, you headed down the many flights of stairs in your manor until you arrived at the place your mother was most likely to be, the garden. When you arrived, you found that three out of your four family members were here Adam's twin, Gabriel was staying at his friends all holiday. You smiled when you saw Adam was playing (and loosing) at Wizards chess against your mother, your father was sat in a chair a little distance from them reading a book on potions.

“Hey,” You called out to them softly.

“Can't talk, concentrating, we're having a chess tournament. If you want in it'll cost you,” Adam calls back to you and you see your mum roll her eyes a dangerous glint in her eyes.

“Will this suffice as payment?” You ask as you drag a chair closer to the match before placing the chocolates on the table. Adam makes his move, before turning to look over to you only to whip his head back around again when a single word escape your mother.

“Checkmate,” Your mother says, happily watching as the white king throws down his helmet. Adam let's out a groan, as your mother casts the reparo charm on the broken pieces before they both turn to you, “So you decided to join us at last?”

“Yep, can I play you mum?” You ask, but your mum's distracted.

“What's this?” She asks, gesturing to the chocolates.

“My friend, Lavender sent me a present for my birthday,” You explain.

“Wait! Are we allowed to celebrate your birthday now?” Adam asks.

“Why would you want to when you know that I can't age? Besides, I didn't tell my friends it was my birthday, Fawkes just showed up with gifts,” You ask, gently tickling Fawkes under the chin when you mention him, he nips your ear affectionately.

“I want to celebrate your birthday because your birth was one of the greatest days of my life. You were so cute and tiny. I loved you then and I love you now, you know that right? Also, I like cake,” Adam tells you, pulling you in for a hug before ruining his mushy speech.

“I love you too,” You tell him quietly, “And if you want to celebrate my birthday then... we can do that,”

Adam hugs you hard, and then he stands up.

“OK! The time is currently ten o'clock meaning we have fourteen hours until it stops being Y/N's birthday and this has to be the birthday that makes up for missing last years. Mum and Dad you have to go find the presents and cook. Y/N I need a list of your best-freinds pronto. Let's go people!” Adam roars, and to your surprise both your parents agree.

“Adam, we can't bring my friends here. They don't know I'm French and I haven't told them. As far as they know I'm a half-blood whose parents abandoned muggle society before I was born. Also, if they see you're my brother they'll get confused and start asking questions as to why you're not at Hogwarts,” You tell him and Adam frowns.

“Fine, family only,” Adam offers.

“Adam... most of the family...” You pause, sighing and Adam instinctively reaches out and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“It's ok, we don't have to invite anyone. This is your birthday, I just want you to be happy,” Adam tells you quietly.

“Honestly Adam, I am happy. Your here, celebrating with me,” You tell him, it'd be better if Gabriel was here but that was unlikely to happen. Seemingly reading your mind, Adam gives your shoulder another firm squeeze before leaving.

An hour later, you were surprised to see almost a dozen presents and a two tier cake waiting for you. Overcome with emotion you pull everyone in for a hug.

“How did you pull all of this together so quickly?” You ask and they smile at you.

“We still brought you presents for your birthday last year, and we kept them hoping we'd get to give them to you again one day,” Your mum says into your hair.

“We love you,” Adam promises, “And your birthday is a great time to celebrate the fact that I'm almost a whole three years older than you,”

“No way! Only two,” You protest and Adam laughs.

“It's three by school year,” He points out and you pout.

“If you two are done bickering, maybe you can start on your presents,” Your dad says, gently pushing you towards the present pile. You smile at them, before picking up the first present and whipping the paper off with the speed of a vampire. You glance over at them to see that they all look surprised before Adam laughs.

“I'm guessing I'm no longer the fastest runner now?” He asks and you wink at him, confirming his suspicions.

“Damn,” He says, slapping his knee.

You get a lot of books for you birthday, some new clothes and a new broom – a Nimbus 2000 you didn't play Qudditch (although the twins both played for Beabuxton's; Adam as a chaser and Gabriel as a seeker) but like all your brothers you still liked to fly. You smile when you hold it in your hands. You're allowed to bring your own broomstick in second year and you were going to enjoy being able to steal a moment on this.

You turn to your family and pull them into a tight (but human tight) hug.

“Yeah, we get it. We're awesome, now cake? Please,” Adam asks and you roll your eyes. You didn't bother cutting yourself a slice since you wouldn't taste anything but you served them all one happily.

When September the 1st arrived, you were forced to say goodbye to your brother and father before letting your mum apparate you to the station, along with Fawkes who you were smuggling with you (it wasn't likely he'd be discovered yet as he was the size of a chick and barely noticeable from his perch on your shoulder). When you get there, your mum starts peering around curiously.

“What are you doing?” You ask in a flat tone.

“I'm looking for your friends,” Your mum explains.

“You've never met them,” You point out.

“Well I'd like to! I know we can't bring them over for dinner without exposing you but I'd like to at least meet them face to face once,” Your mum tells you.

“Ok, follow me,” You tell her, having spotted Hermione in the crowd.

“Hey Y/N,” She says smiling the moment she catches sight of you and pulling you into a hug.

“Hey Hermione,” You say with a smile, “Thank you for those comics, they're really cool. The doctor's so sarcastic!”

“No problem, I'm glad your bird's so smart,” She tells you and you feel Fawkes gloating on your shoulder.

“He's pretty amazing, although he smells,” You say, subtly teasing Fawkes who bites your ear hard, “Kidding! He's not that bad,”

“Ok, see you on the train,” Hermione tells you as Fawkes releases your ear.

“See you then,” You promise.

“Happy now?” You ask your mum as Hermione walks away.

“Very, love you,” She says, pulling you into a hug, “Oh, and Fawkes, anytime you fancy visiting us feel free,”

Fawkes appears to gently bite your mother's ear. She smiles slightly before apparating away.

You enter an empty compartment, opening the window quickly so that the now fully grown Fawkes can fly the rest of the way to Hogwarts and place down your trunk. It takes maybe a minute to do, but a second later you turn and see a sudden infestation of people.

“Hey Y/N,” Seamus and Dean chime in perfect unison.

“Good to see you,” Neville says, he's less nervous now but he still looks a little uncertain.

“Y/N Y/LN! You owe me more than two letters over the Summer and I shouldn't have to find out that it's your birthday from a bird! Ridiculous!” Lavender yells at you, angrily.

“Sorry,” You apologise, pulling her into a hug, “And thank you for the chocolates,”

“Glad you enjoyed them, you are forgiven,” Lavender tells you, giving you a gentle shove. Her friend stands behind her, and gives you an awkward wave – you probably ought to learn her name but jealousy is both an irrational and petty thing. You all take a seat, glad you had a six-seater compartment, when the door opened.

“I'm sorry, but I can't find Harry and Ron, can I sit with you?” Hermione asks.

“Of course,” Lavender says, “I can just move up a little,” and then your mouth almost falls open when Lavender ends up pretty much sitting in your lap. A wicked gleam appears in Seamus' eyes and you gulp.

“Hey Hermione, have you ever played twenty-one dares?” Seamus asks and Hermione shakes her head slightly, “Don't worry, it's really simple. You'll pick it up very quickly,”

Lavender, Neville and you get an almost identical crazy grin on your face and you watch the trio who hadn't played before gulp.

The dares don't get very interesting until a few rounds in, when Lavender ends up saying 21 and Seamus leans forwards. Clearly, this is what he'd been waiting for.

“I dare you to kiss Y/N,” He tells her, and you freeze but relax when you realise that there's no way Lavender will go through with it even though she's a Gryffindor. Lavender gently places her hand on your face and turns you to face her. She'll back out, you tell yourself confidently. She leans in -there's no way, you tell yourself – and presses her lips to yours, before pulling back quickly. You sit stunned, behind Lavender's head you see Hermione with a calculating expression before she shakes her head and the game continues until you get to Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I couldn't wait to post so I figured I'd drop one chapter off early, one Saturday and one Sunday. It's been an especially productive week so if you want I'll probably post a chapter Monday too. Anyway, let me know what you think and (if you think I've earned it) leave a kudos.
> 
> Have a great day and thanks for reading.
> 
> :)


	4. 2nd Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chamber of secrets has been opened and Hogwarts may have to close, however you have more pressing concerns after Lavender ends up in the Hospital Wing.

Second years get to take the carriages to the Great Hall. Seamus and Dean challenge everyone to a race – which of course you win even though you go at a human speed. When you get into the Great Hall, Lavender and you quickly grab seats together while Hermione watches the crowd for Harry and Ron. You look up quickly to the staff table and Dumbledore nods to you, which you take to mean that Fawkes is safely back home. A few minutes later, the door opens and a crowd of first years walk through. There's a strict no talking rule during the Sorting Ceremony, but Lavender grabs a feathered quill and starts writing on your arm.

You glance over to see that she's writing sarcastic quips about the students being sorted. You roll your eyes, but laugh quietly at them. When she writes a particularly harsh one though, you start tickling her, until she holds up her hands in apology. Lavender's friend looks bored, maybe she'd enjoy Lavender's sarcastic quips but you weren't in the mood to share. When the sorting ceremony finishes, Lavender goes into conversation with her friend and you turn to Hermione.

“They still aren't here,” Hermione tells you.

“They'll be fine. I promise,” You say, your hand touching her shoulder and calming her.

When Harry and Ron eventually show up in the common room, and Hermione learns about what they did she's furious and storms up to the dormitory. You follow her quickly.

“Hermione, are you ok?” You ask, when she marches to her bed, grabs hold of her pillow and screams into it.

“Fine,” She says a minute later, “Honestly though, I wish the two of them had even one brain cell! If they had they would've realised it was a ridiculous idea. I mean, a flying car?”

“Admittedly, it's kind of interesting to see what can be done to a muggle car,” You point out and Hermione sighs.

“True, I wish they still had it. I'd love to see what kind of enchantments were on it and how the car still worked even after Mr Weasley's tampering,” Hermione admits.

“They probably would be similar to the charms on broomsticks,” You theorise, watching as Hermione gets calmer and calmer when the discussion turns academic.

“Anyway, I'd better get some sleep, classes start tomorrow,” She reminds you and you nod, you were curious about the defence against the dark arts teacher Gilderoy Lockhart. You'd brought your books via owl post order since they weren't available in France and they'd only arrived a day ago and by that stage you had finished all the books from your birthday and were halfway through the Doctor Who comics. Tonight, you intended to crack open his books and try to figure out what kind of a teacher he'd be.

“Goodnight Hermione,” You whispered to her, but she was already asleep.

The door opened a few seconds after you'd made your way onto your bed, and Lavender's friend walks in, yawning loudly before jumping into her bed and falling asleep just as Lavender arrives. She looks around bemused, but you put your finger to your lips and she nods, making a pantomime of tiptoeing over to your bed.

“Are you tired?” She whispers into the dark of the night.

“No, I spent a lot of the Summer sleeping anyway,” You lie, casting the silencing charm Professor Dumbledore taught you around your bed and then the two of you talk about everything and anything that happened over the Summer although you get her to do most of the talking since you can't bring up Adam. Eventually, the conversation turns to Harry and Ron's stunt with the car which you both agree was ridiculous, reckless and kind of funny. Lavender starts to lean on you as she talks and then a few minutes later she falls asleep leaning into your chest. She looks absolutely adorable.

You lift her into your arms and gently carry her over to her bed since students aren't actually allowed to be on each others beds at night and it's probably best not to piss off Professor Mcgonagal so soon after the flying car stunt. Lavender's so light in your arms – although that's probably because of your vampiric strength.

You open your trunk and grab the first Gilderoy Lockhart book before making your way over to the window to read. Five minutes later, you grab hold of the book and throw it into your trunk before finding something actually worth reading and returning to the window.

The next morning, in the great hall, a howler lands in front of Ron. You notice that Lavender hasn't noticed and briefly consider telling her before deciding against it when you imagine how cute her expression will be. A few seconds later, the noise booms through out the hall but much to your surprise and despair, Lavender simply looks put out. You take out a quill, and jot something down on her arm as the noise continues to boom through out the hall.

_How come you're so calm?_

_It's just noise._ Lavender writes back and you smile.

_Come for a run?_ You ask and Lavender smirks, jumping to her feet and sprinting out of the hall you close behind. No one pays you any attention, all too focused on Ron's howler.

You have one good lesson that morning, Herbology where you get repot mandrakes, but immediately afterwards you have Defence Against the Dark Arts with the narcissistic Gilderoy Lockhart. His narcissism is further proven to you when he gives you a quiz all about him and not about the subject he's supposed to teach. Lavender looks upset when Hermione gets a higher grade than her and you look over at her confused.

“Why do you care about the grade? It was a pointless quiz,” You tell her.

“Yeah, but Lockhart's cute,” Lavender argues back, and you add another point to the mental checklist as to why you'd dearly like to punch Gilderoy Lockhart, asides from his narcissism.

The checklist gains another point when he releases a load of Cornish Pixes and fails to round them up again. Pandamonia breaks out until you get to your feet and using the simple rule that all animals must listen to the dominate figure, order the animals into the cage. Surprisingly, they listen after realising that all there combined efforts couldn't do a thing against the vampire girl. Your classmates look at you with awe, but you ignore them and lock the cage before picking it up and leaving to find Fawkes.

“Can you do me a favour? I need these guys releasing as far from the castle as possible,” You tell him and he coos softly in agreement before flying off with the cage.

A day later, when he returns you sneak out of your dormitory during the night to test out your new broom together. You both dive and spin through the air. You've impossible reflexes and no fear of since you're fairly certain you'd be fine if you fell. Together the two of you do stunts no sane person would, until you have to go back to the dormitory for day-break but you remind him you'll be back in just a couple of hours.

“Hey professor,” You call out to him when you arrive in his office, Fawkes immediately flies over to your hand, he's gone through his transformation and is in the fledgling stage.

“Y/N,” He greets with a friendly smile, “How was your holiday?”

“It was great, thank you so much for the medical magic book. I've learned so much. I have to ask though sir, why on earth did you hire Gilderoy Lockhart?” You ask and Professor Dumbledore chuckles.

“Promise to keep this a secret?” He asks and you smile.

“You know all our sessions are strictly confidential,” You remind him cheekily.

“There was no one else who wanted to teach,” He explains and you sigh.

“Is this the curse people are claiming exists?” You ask and Dumbledore nods gravely.

“I'm afraid so,” He sighs, “Oh! By the way, I have some information you might like to know,”

“What's that Professor?” You ask and he hands over a slip of parchment.

_Lavender Brown's birthday : 2 nd May_

_Hermione Granger's birthday: 19 th September_

“Isn't this information suppose to be confidential?” You ask him and he smiles.

“Yes. Do me a favour and keep it quite would you? But I have a catalogue here for you to choose Miss Granger's present if you wish,” Professor Dumbledore offers.

You and Lavender continue your routine of running. A fortnight after your meeting with Dumbledore, you hand Hermione a new book for her birthday on Quidditch broomstick enchantments which interests her even if the sport itself doesn't. Everything seems to be going well (even if you're being taught by that idiot Lockhart) until Halloween.

Arms wrap around you from behind, and before she says anything you already know who's behind you.

“Hey Lavender,” You smirk and you can almost hear her pouting.

“How did you know it was me?” Lavender asks as she takes a seat next to you.

“I have two close friends, Hermione and you. Hermione is at Sir Nicholas' Death day party and it's very unlikely she'd ambush me into a hug anyway,” You point out, and you watch as Lavender's face lights up.

“So... we're close?” Lavender asks, shuffling closer to you on the bench in a way that reminded you of the train ride here. You wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to you as you turn to face her. Lavender's eyes widen and you smile secretly.

“Right now,” You say, dramatically leaning just a little closer, “I'd estimate we're mere inches away,” Lavender punches you arm and you laugh putting more space between you and removing your arm.

“You know that's not what I mean,” Lavender protests you role your eyes.

“Yes Lavender, we're close and not just physically,” You tell her and Lavender smiles.

“Good,” Lavender says, before the Halloween treats arrived and she grows distracted. You tell her funny stories from your childhood – none including your brothers though. Lavender laughs so hard at one story about how you accidentally made yourself bald when playing with your father's wand and then decided to hide the evidence in your closet that she almost falls off the bench only for you to catch her quickly before she could crack her head on the stone floor. This time you don't remove your right arm from around her waist and she doesn't ask you to either, instead just threading the fingers of her left hand through yours.

When the feast is finally over, Lavender still hasn't let go of your hand. You smile, happily as she leads you up towards the Gryfindor tower. You laugh when she tells you about the time that she climbed up her house like a spider and accidentally interrupted her parents in a private moment only to stop when a familiar, sickening smell reaches you.

You run up the stairs, trying to appear human despite the urgency you feel to move, move, move. When you reach the top, you find that you're among the first to arrive.

“Y/N? What's wrong?” Lavender asks as you lock eyes with Harry, Hermione and Ron. Harry looks at you as though you both know something the others don't but you ignore him too focused on the cat hanging from the torch stand, a pool of water beneath it and the red message on the wall. The blood message. Rooster blood. Lavender starts to shake, her hand squeezing yours tightly as Draco Malfoy shoves past you a smirk on his face.

“The chamber of secrets has been opened, enemies of the heir beware,” Draco reads out loudly enough for the whole crowd to hear before continuing, “You're next mud-bloods,”

Lavender makes her way into your arms, her neck inches away from your mouth. You can hear the blood pounding through it, almost smell the blood, almost imagine how it would taste. You're so hungry and her neck is so close... NO! This is Lavender, your best friend, you can't... you need to get away. You shove her into her friends arms, and the teachers in front of you startle a little at your sudden violent movement but Dumbledore nods and you take it as permission to get away from this place as fast as possible. You shove past people, and the moment you're out of sight you're running at the full extent of your vampiric speed.

A minute later, you stand stunned in your dormitory, smashed glass from your window in a storm around you and glass embedded in your clothes. You look out of the window still to see that yes you climbed the three hundred feet from the ground to the window. You step back, casting the reparo charm to fix it before sinking onto your bed, thinking about the event with a sickening feeling overwhelming you before sliding into your bed and pretending to be asleep overcome with shame.

Lavender and Parvati arrive back five minutes later, but Hermione doesn't. You stay quiet as the girls start to talk about what happened, but when Lavender starts to speak with a strained, trembling voice you wish desperately you were 'awake'.

“I'm a muggle-born Parvati! What if whatever did this comes after me?” Lavender asks and you clench your sheets so hard that you feel them start to tear. Parvati says something, and a few moments later you hear them both slide into bed. You wish you could've told her that whatever it was you wouldn't let it hurt her. You'd protect her. You'd fight it to death if you it would keep her safe.

When Hermione arrives five minutes later, Parvati's asleep but Lavender's still wide awake. You wait another ten minutes as your best-freind falls asleep, before you can't stand it anymore and make your way over to Lavender's bed.

“Are you ok?” You whisper and you hear a slight whimper in the night as you take a seat on her bed, searching the covers for her hand and when you find it you hold it in your own, “Tell me about it?” and in the dark night she confides in you. When she eventually finishes, she's wrapped up in your arms and your lying next to her.

“I won't let anything hurt you,” You promise, saying the words you've been wanting to say to her all night before you hold her close to you. She looks at you, and in that moment you feel as though she believes you and then she suddenly winces in pain.

“What is it? Are you hurt?” You ask worriedly.

“I think... I have a cavity,” Lavender says, you place a gentle hand against her face

“Lie still,”You order and so she does, trusting you completely, you grab your wand from where you keep it strapped to your chest and cast a healing spell, “Better?”

“Much,” Lavender whispers, you gently push her back onto the pillow and move to leave but Lavender keeps a grip on your hand, “Stay with me?” and you nod wordlessly, sliding back besides her. She curls into your arms, resting her head on your shoulder and you stay still, content to be her pillow, content to bring her comfort, content to protect her.

In the morning when she wakes, you worry that she'll have forgotten why your here but she doesn't. She just pushes your shoulder and you take that as your cue to get showered, dressed and ready to run.

After the run, you make your way to Dumbledore's office. At your appearance, Fawkes immediately flies to your hand which is already outstretched and waiting for the chick.

“Professor, is it true?” You ask him quietly, and he sighs defeated.

“Everyone says that Slytherin's chamber is a legend,” He points out.

“Just because people say it's a legend doesn't mean it isn't true. The two aren't mutually exclusive,” You point back as you take a seat.

“I know, we're investigating but...” Dumbledore sighs, “Let's talk about the other thing that happened last night,”

“What other thing?” You ask, starring straight ahead. Dumbledore looks at you and finally you sigh knowing he won't let you drop the subject, “Fine. I had to get away before I bit my friend, because apparently I can't cope with the smell of blood and someone being that close to me,”

“On the contrary, you got yourself away from her and you did cope. You didn't bite her, did you?” Professor Dumbledore points out and you stare at the desk.

“So? Lavender's a muggle-born, she was scared and I had to run away from her instead of helping her. I can't do that, I need to be able to cope,” You sigh and Dumbledore nods.

“Leave it with me, we'll work it out. I think you need this though,” He tells you, passing you the blood pack which you glare at disgusted before gulping down,

“Need more?” Professor Dumbledore asks, a twinkle in his eyes and with a start you realise that you aren't restrained.

“Professor! How could you put yourself in so much danger!” You roar angrily.

“I have my wand,” He points out.

“So? I can move faster than a spell, what the hell where you thinking?” You yell, what if you'd hurt him?

“Y/N it's-” Professor Dumbledore tries to say placating but you turn and march out of his office, gently placing Fawkes back in his perch first.

“Where's Lavender?” You ask when you see Parvati, after every run normally Lavender would go find Parvati and they would hang out before lessons.

“I thought she was with you?” Parvati says confused, and your eyes widen. You start running to the hospital wing, a sinking feeling in your gut that something's wrong. Something's very wrong. Lavender never broke routine.

When you got to the hospital wing, you were a little more careful. It wouldn't do to upset any of Madame Pomfrey's patients. You saw Lavender almost immediately, and you let out a sigh of relief. Her nose is broken, and several unpleasant hexes have been cast but she isn't petrified. She's ok.

“What are you doing here?” Lavender asks when you approach her.

“What are you?” You challenge and she frowns.

“Pansy Parkinson thought that she had a right to attack muggle-borns,” Lavender says bitterly only to see the angry expression on your face, “Relax tamer, it's ok. You should see the other girl, I dare say I might've given better than I got,”

“But I only have eyes for you,” You whisper quietly, you'd meant it to be a joke but in that moment it felt like it was a lot closer to the truth than a lie. Lavender's hand finds yours, and you see a blush spreading along her face.

“Lie still,” You order and she does as you pull out your wand and start quietly casting counter charms to all the spells before fixing Lavender's nose with an quick, “Episkey,”

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!” A voice yells from behind you and you turn to see the angry face of the dreaded Hogwarts matron, Madame Pomfrey.

“I'm sorry,” You apologise, “But I knew the counters spells and how to fix her nose,”

“AND? COUNTER CHARMS SHOULD ONLY BE PREFORMED BY TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS!” Madame Pomfrey yells.

“I've done them before!” You protest, trying to defend yourself.

“THAT MAKES IT WORSE! TWENTY POINTS FROM GRYFINDOR!” Madame Pomfrey yells.

“But she managed to do it miss, and I feel fine. Why don't you just teach her?” Lavender asks, “She wants to help, why not show her how?”

“The headmaster is not paying me to play nanny to some cocky little second-year. I have a job to do, and it's only going to get more complicated with that Quidditch match coming up!” Madame Pomfrey yells out.

“So? I can help,” You protest.

“Oh really? What four spells would you expect to use when treating an unconscious person? Well? You can't even-” Madame Pomfrey says, but you cut her off.

“Lingua ad tectum, which is a charm that sticks the tongue to the bottom of the mouth it preventing chocking. For more longer term unconsciousness, you use a hibernate charm to prevent them from loosing too much weight and will keep them alive despite the lack of sustenance entering the body. Shorter term unconsciousness, it's not uncommon to see a peaceful sleep charm cast since they tend to be the ones rendered unconscious by a doctor and the fourth would likely be a diagnostic charm,” You tell her and she opens her mouth wide, before slamming it closed again.

“So, you know something. But I bet you can't tell me how to do any of these charms,” Madame Pomfrey says, and you pull out your wand.

“Who would you like me to demonstrate on?” You ask.

“On yourself, a true professional could cast these charms wordlessly, wandlessly and with their eyes closed,” Madame Pomfrey says, “What's your name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” You tell her, “Can we do this in your office?”

Her eyes widen with understanding.

“Follow me,” She orders.

She leads you to a room where a small bed lays, behind a curtain. In front of the curtain is a desk and a filing cabinet.

“You can cast the diagnostic charm on yourself here,” Madame Pomfrey says and you nod.

“Egritudo,” You whisper and a small line of parchment appears. You take it out, reading it quietly, before passing the single word over to the stern women before you.

_Dead._

“The tongue locking charm?” She asks and you perform both the spell and the counter.

“Hibernate?” She requests, holding out a spider. You cast the spell with ease.

“Peaceful sleep,” She requests and you cast the spell on the spider easily.

“So madame, do I have the job?” You ask and she nods.

“You have the job,” She says, still clutching the piece of parchement in her hand.

Later at dinner (you spend your lunch helping and learing from Madame Pomfrey) you tell Lavender the good news and she grins.

“I guess I'll have to start calling you the doctor then!” She says and you rise an eyebrow.

“But I don't have a blue telephone box,” You shoot back and she smiles.

Colin Creevy gets petrified after a Quidditch match. That's the moment that the first rumour hits the school that maybe, Harry really is the Heir of Slytherin. You have bigger things to worry about, but what you do notice is that even though it's juicy (even if entirely insane) gossip, Lavender doesn't spread it. You ask her why and she tells you she values your friendship too much to risk spreading on ridiculous gossip. Colin being petrified invokes another change, you find yourself making your way between Lavender and Hermione's bed every-night, ready to defend them if anything steps near them.

You go home for the Christmas holidays, and you get given books on healing from Professor Dumbledore and a letter. Hermione too sends you book on healing as well as a book on muggle dentistry, but Lavender sends you a blue telephone box – you guess that there's no disputing your nickname now. Your parents buy you more books, Adam buys you some Wizarding Comics once he discovers the muggle ones from Hermione.

Near the end of the day you finally read Professor Dumbledore's message.

_My friend,_

_I am sorry that I worried you but you need to learn to trust yourself more. I heard about your appointment in the hospital wing, and I'd like to compliment you on finding a better way to help yourself cope with blood. I hope that you can forgive me and enjoy your Christmas._

_Albus_

Back at school, you learn too things. Harry is a parstlemouth and Hermione is in the hospital wing after mixing up cat and human hair during the brewing of the polyjuice potion.

“Thanks for the Christmas present,” You tell her as you go through the process Madame Pomfrey has instructed you to preform on her. It should help her hair disappear quicker.

“Your welcome,” Hermione says sighing, she seems so fragile.

“And don't worry, my lips are locked,” You tell her, and then you hand over some books.

“What's this?” Hermione asks.

“I figured you'd be getting bored by now, anything you want to read let me know and I'll go find something for you,” You promise your best-freind and she nods.

“Thanks Y/N,” She says with a smile.

“Anything for you,” You say, and even though you've said those same words to Lavender it doesn't feel the same to say them to Hermione. Not wrong more different, less flirty. You give her a quick hug before going to help the other patients.

By the 14th of February, Hermione is out of hospital for long enough to witness the hideous events of Gilderoy Lockhart's brain. Everything is pink and gross. You take a seat next to Lavender, having to forfeit your daily run for an extra round in the hospital wing.

Lockhart clears his throat and you tune him out until you hear one sentence that sticks out, “And thank you to the 44 students who've already sent me valentine's,”. Besides you on the bench both Hermione and Lavender shift guiltily. You let out a moan of disgust, and make your way out of the hall.

The year goes on and on as student's keep getting petrified. Professor Dumbledore is forced to leave the school, and you're forced to go without seeing your friend Fawkes when he follows him. Hagrid is taken too, but you know about his dog fang and so you make sure to feed him. You encourage Hermione, Lavender and Parvati to take him out on walks. You'd do it yourself but the hospital wing was becoming busier and busier with Madame Pomfrey needing your assistance more and more to the point that sometimes you'd sneak out of the dorm to help. Your research now-a-days was mostly on medical magic anyway.

You buy Lavender a large box of wizard sweets for her birthday, and for a while things seem lighter and brighter. That is until, a few days later, Hermione is admitted to the hospital wing along with another student. Petrified. You start to hear that soon Hogwarts is going to close and you know that if it does there's no where you can go to learn magic and there's nothing you can do. Only heal. You can't stop it.

Lavender starts asking to sleep in your bed again, and you let her even though you can't read and have to feign sleep. You hold her tight to you, begging that she won't be taken.

A girl get's taken into the chamber, Ron's sister Ginny. This is it, the moment when the school will close. Lavender can't sleep, she just lies in your arms as you rub circles into her skin, until the door opens at three a.m and your told there's an end of year feast. You stand, and make your way to the Great Hall, confused but a small glimmering something boiling through your blood. Hope.

The first thing you notice is that Dumbledore's back, and so is Fawkes. You smile relieved to see your friends, you also see that Harry is here with Ron. Then Dumbledore speaks and explains how Harry and Ron saved the school and you smile, until you hear a slight sound.

“Y/N, it's time,” Madame Pomfrey whispers from the hospital wing, and excusing yourself, you run out the hall and into the Hospital wing where the usually stern Matron is happily administering potions to the petrified students. She let's you do the charms to end their tongue locking and hibernation – a sign of how much she's come to trust you that she doesn't even question your skill before letting you go. She knows that if you couldn't do it you'd say instead of injuring a student.

Hermione wakes up and you wrap her into your arms. She smiles and hugs you back. You make your way to the Great Hall behind your friends, and quietly slip besides Lavender so that the students can greet and hug their previously petrified friends without wondering why there was a small second-year behind them.

Hagrid comes back into the hall and is made the new care of magical creatures professor. You cheer for the man and he grins excsatically. Then, as it seems no more surprises could arrive, you lean over to Lavender and whisper in her ear.

“Sneak out with me?”

You end up beneath the stars, back by the late. It's beautiful, but neither of you are looking at the stars. Lavender snuggles up closer to you, and then it happens. She tilts her head up and gently, ever so gently presses your lips together. Not for others eyes. Not because it's a dare. She does it, because she wants to. You kiss her back, letting your lips linger on hers before your brain catches up with you and reminds you that she doesn't know.

She pulls back, and you have to tell her. You have to tell her now what you are. You open your mouth.

“Seamus must have slipped us a love potion or something,” You say, you didn't want to say it but suddenly it doesn't matter. You need to be safe, and so your walls won't let the words go. This is your only shot at a magical education. Lavender pushes free from you, angrily, cold and hurt. You want to comfort her, but it's too late. She's gone and you don't even know what you could say to make it better, to make it stop hurting.

You ride home in the same train compartment, with the same people, but everything is different. Lavender shares a seat with Seamus, and you try to pretend like the site of her almost in his lap doesn't bother you – because it can't, because that's the role you've written yourself. She kisses him, and right afterwards shoots you a look that's almost a challenge. It's a challenge you can't take though, you can't fight for Lavender. So you look away, and see Dean doing the same.

You get off the train and see your dad waiting for you and your forced smile is just a little more genuine when you see him. He's almost bouncing on his feet when he sees you.

“I have good news!” He tells you, “But I can't tell you until we get home,”

“Good, I could use some good news round about now,” You tell him quietly, as he apparates you away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for reading. Vernon Dursley, would probably happily say : No post on Sundays. However, I say meh if Hogwarts can get away with it then I'm giving it a go to.
> 
> Hopefully see you again Sunday, and leave a kudos if you think I've earned it. Comments are appreciated immensely so if you don't mind leaving one then I'll happily read.
> 
> Have a good day :)


	5. Before 3rd Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It'd be an almost perfect 14th birthday, if it wasn't for the fact that you haven't heard from Lavender all Summer. Now you have to go back to Hogwarts and try not to think about the events of second year. Oh yeah, and there's a murderer on the loose. Looks like this year's could be Sirusly bad.

You and Fawkes make your way downstairs at the first sound of noise. You can't do magic outside of school and so you don't really know what time it is. Your mother is sat in the kitchen, preparing herself breakfast – you have houselves but you let them rest most of the time and only truly use them if there's too much to do at once.

“Good morning mum,” You call out to her gently.  
“Good morning, do you want some break-” She starts to ask, before remembering that you weren't actually human any more.  
“I'm OK mum,” You tell her, easing her out of her mistake, your mum still wasn't used to the fact that you no longer gained anything from food.  
“That's good. You should take your potion,” Your mum tells you, as she makes her way over to the table with her bowl of porridge.  
“I will do,” You promise, reaching into the cupboard to pull out the small blue bottled potion that your dad had started making you. Ideally, the potion would be taken all through out the year but since you were going to Hogwarts soon and couldn't disclose what the potion was, the regiment had been upped. When you arrived back at Hogwarts, you'd be able to get the potion once a week until Christmas when you'd have to go home and try to catch the up.  
Fearlessly, you lift the potion to your lips and tip it back. Of course, the main reason you had no fear was that you had no idea if it tasted bad or good all you knew was that it existed and slid down as easily as water.

“What do you want to do today?” Your mum asks and you frown. Today was your birthday and soon you'd be back to school.  
“I don't mind,” You tell her with a smile, “Maybe we could play a game of Quidditch?”  
“If that's what you want, that's what we'll do,” Your mum promises, “After all, it's not everyday you turn fourteen. Get a shower first though, when it get's to be eight o'clock I'll wake your dad and the twins,”  
“Thanks mum,” You say, trying to hide your tension when you think of Gabriel. So far, the two of you hadn't caused any trouble and had managed to avoid each other – Beauxbatons students didn't go back until a week after Hogwarts students but they had to stay longer. Gabriel would normally spend the time you were here at various friends until you'd left and then he'd come home but this year your parents had put their foot down.

You head back to your room, to find Fawkes tugging at one of your floorboards. You pull your clothes on before walking over to help. When you lift it, you're stunned by two delicately wrapped gifts.  
“Fawkes... did you hide these for my birthday?” You ask and your friend and he nods in conformation before letting you stroke his majestic feathers. There are two gifts, one from Hermione and one from Professor Dumbledore. You and Lavender haven't talked all Summer.

When you open the gifts you find another book on medical magic from Professor Dumbledore and more comics from Hermione only this time Buffy the Vampire Slayer. When you arrive in the living room, you find that your mum has only managed to convince Adam and your dad to play. You don't comment, just lead them outside.  
“What should the teams be?” Adam asks, “We need at least a seeker, a chaser and a keeper,”  
“Me, you and Fawkes against mum, dad and Auntie,” You offer and the house-elf who looked after you since you were little appears.  
“How's Fawkes going to play?” Adam asks and you grin.  
“Fawkes can be the seeker, you can be the chaser since that's what you normally do and I can be the Keeper,” You offer and Adam nods.  
“Let's do this,” He agrees, and you smile running to your Nimbus.

Your mother fires a whistle like noise from her wand and the game begins. The Quaffel is tossed into the air by your father (who you all agreed was the most capable of being impartial) and the game begins. Immediately, your mum grabs the Quaffel and despite some clever moves from Adam she manages to get within scoring distance of the goal. She lifts the Quaffel and throws it with all her power towards the three round Quidditch hoops. You had a pitch quite similar to the real thing only your hoops were shorter and closer together. Faster than she can blink, you claim the Quaffel. You wait a half - second, before Adam indicates that he's ready and send it flying back. Adam shoots off down the pitch and throws towards Auntie's hoop but the elf simply deflects it away with a snap of her fingers.

After a brutal half – hour of play the score stood at just twenty – ten to your team. Adam had managed to once when he'd accidentally knocked a Quaffel into Aunties face and sent the poor elf toppling backwards. While you were distracted with reviving and healing up the elf, your mother threw the Quaffel through the hoop. The second goal came when you accidentally overused your strength and sent the Quaffel flying from one end of the pitch to the other. Your mum and your brother look at you in disbelief, before a sudden squad made you look up to see both your father and Fawkes hurtling down the pitch chasing after the Golden snitch. 

Fawkes accelerates, and just before your father can wrap his hand around it, catches the snitch between his teeth. Your father looked at the bird in disbelief as he flew over to you. Your mother had a smirk on her face (that seemed out of place on the auror she was) having long ago learned not to underestimate anything. 

“Another round?” You ask.  
“Only if I can swap your father for Fawkes,” She teases.  
“That's not fair!” Your dad protests, “Fawkes is a lot faster than he looks,”  
“It's Ok Dad, I believe you. Why don't you take over as keeper and I'll go on as the seeker,” You tell him and he nods his agreement.

Your mother gathers the two balls, and then our father sends them flying up. You see the snitch immediately, with your vampiric sight it's easy to track the small golden ball and you can hear the flutter of it's wings. Your mother fires a whistle out of her wand and you shoot after the ball, until a second later you pull out of a spectacular dive, snitch in hand.  
“Any team with you on is bound to win,” Adam points out, “So how about a new challenge? Why don't we race on our brooms?”  
You join your brother and Fawkes at one side of the Quidditch posts until your mother fires a whistle out of her wand. You have a slight advantage due to your reflex, but Adam's a better flier and Fawkes is a bird. Soon all three of you are neck and neck. You push yourself further into the broom, making yourself more aerodynamic. Adam smirks as he pulls ahead and slams a hand into the air.  
“Adam won,” You call to your parents, who can't quite be sure. Fawkes confirms your story with a slight nod.  
“Well done,” Your parents cheer.

The rest of your birthday passes with more competitions, until the sun starts to set. Instead of having to spend the night alone though, you find a nice surprise when you discover that Adam and your parents are planning to sleep in shifts so you don't have to be alone. You spend a lot of time happily talking to them, until Adam falls asleep mid-sentence at something close to three o'clock in the morning. You lift him, gently, and carry him back to his room, tucking him under the covers and pressing a light kiss to his forehead.  
“Goodnight,” You whisper to him.  
“G'dnight,” Adam says, regaining consciousness just long enough to slur it back before the sound of snoring starts up again. You read quietly by yourself, before arriving downstairs at eight o'clock to make breakfast for everyone. You make four plates, bringing two to your parents, one to Adam and hesitantly leaving one outside Gabriel's door before knocking on his door and fleeing at max speed to your room. You hear Gabriel out and about downstairs so you stay in your room doing homework you'd neglected to mention or do all holiday.

“Thank mum,” You say when your mother drops you off at Platform 9 and ¾ the next morning. She pulls you into a brief hug before frowning.  
“What's this?” Your mother asks, gesturing over to a poster on the wall. You follow her and find the poster of a long, dirty-haired man. You read it quickly : Have you seen this man? Warning: Do not attempt to approach, do not attempt to use magic. Any information will be rewarded appropriately, owl the ministry of magic.  
“Who is he?” You ask confused and your mother looks at you.  
“I... We were learned about him in the auror academy thirteen years ago. He's dangerous, extremely so. He managed to kill thirteen muggles with one spell. Promise me, that you'll be careful Y/N – I know you want to protect people but you'd be no match against Sirus Black,” Your mother tells you, and you grip her hand tightly.  
“I'll be careful, there's no way I'm going looking for a killer. I'm always careful mum, I love you,” You promise her and she nods.  
“Good, I love you to,” Your mum says and then she apparates away as you board the train.

You don't ride with Lavender, Seamus, Dean and Parvati. You can't face the idea of sitting with Lavender especially when – from what you saw when you walked past – she was still all over Seamus. You grab a compartment with Neville, Ron's sister – who you discover is called Ginny – and a blonde haired girl – Luna as Ginny calls her. You don't know them well, but you make polite conversation. Luna's sort of fascinating when she talks about animal like the crumple-horned snort-lack and wackspurts. You don't know what they are but you let it go – after all, it's hard to prove something is real if your against killing it. 

Ginny starts a game of exploding snap and you make a conscious effort to let them win since moving too quickly would be too much of a give away. The train stops halfway to Hogwarts, something it's never done before. You and Neville exchange looks but you don't want to panic the girls with you. They have no idea what's normal and what's not since they've only been here a year a sudden feeling starts to creep into your veins. One that makes you certain more than anything else that something is wrong, something is very wrong. You feel cold.  
You yank your wand from your waist and cast a locking charm on the door. Moments later, the handle gets yanked back and forth by a dark hooded figure. A skeletal hand touches it and the door breaks. You shove everyone behind you and stand before them. The dementor searches for your happiness, but it's left searching for a long time. You don't have any happy memories to give that aren't tainted in someway by the incident. It turns it's back, and leaves your compartment.  
“Is everyone ok?” You ask quietly, and they nod. The chill still lingers in the air, but when the Dementor get's off the train you make your way to the trolley witch and buy four bars of honeydukes chocolate. Of course, chocolate won't help you but it'll help the others.

You have to pass Lavender in the corridor as you make your way back to your compartment. You both freeze for a moment, watching each other silently.  
“Did the dementor enter your compartment?” You ask her quietly. Lavender almost jumps at the sound of your voice, and you wish you could take it back and rid it of all the raw emotion that had seeped into it but you can't. She nods, and you know from the look in her eyes that she doesn't trust herself to speak.  
“Take this, it'll help, trust me,” You tell her, pressing a bar of chocolate into her hand. Your fingers brush, and you feel an all too familiar tingle, but you keep walking past without making eye-contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, let me know what you think. Have a lovely Sunday, see you Monday and if not then have a great week!
> 
> Take care,
> 
> Hugo


	6. 3rd Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your third year at Hogwarts. It should all be simple, except there's a mass murderer on the loose and Lavender and you can hardly stand to look at one another. Ah! Being a teenager is suuuuch fun.

The Great Hall is crowded by the time you get in. You feel so bad, that you just want to be anywhere else in the world. You mean to go to the Great Hall but when your feet take a wrong turn, carrying you past it, you don't bother to correct your course.

You arrive at the Hospital wing to see Madame Pomfrey tending to students who've had worse difficulties from the Dementor on the train. She doesn't have time to listen to you right now, there's too much to do, far more important things then to talk to a stupid teenage vampire and besides, you don't think you could handle the company. You climb higher through the castle, your ears are alert enough that you should hear any footsteps near you and be able to hide but not alert enough that you'd hear someone talking in the Great Hall.

Your footsteps are noiseless, even to you. It's one of the many gifts of being a vampire. You walk and walk and walk. You can't tell if you're circling something or if you're going somewhere new and honestly it doesn't matter. You loose track of time, and so you project your hearing just enough to hear that the noises are all spread out now, the feast is over. You pass by a window, and a shape appears. Fawkes. You open it, and offer your shoulder. He seems distressed, but you can't think why. You feel perfectly calm. You walk past him when he doesn't go to your shoulder, if he wants to be away from you too tonight then that's fine. You turn the corner, but he suddenly flies to your shoulder and you nod quietly to yourself.

You turn round a corner and end up outside. A bridge stretches a few metres before you, and you walk along it towards a tower of white marble. Fawkes bites your ear, hard, but you ignore him. You're feeling something you haven't felt in a long time. Tired. You're so, so tired. You climb up the steps of the white marble tower and find yourself in the owlery. You climb up, higher and higher until you reach the very top. There's a small circular floor and then a balcony. You slump to the floor and curl into a ball, maybe if you lay down for long enough sleep will accept you into it's loving embrace even though you're not allowed. You count the minutes as they tick by in your head, but you never feel a thing. Nothing. You don't start to dream, you don't find your eyes too heavy to open. You're awake, fully, but you're so tierd. You get up, and move towards the balcony, the night looks so lovely tonight. The dark looks so inviting. You want to join it.

You turn, making your way back down the stairs. There's a second set of stairs leading from the bridge. You climb down them and end up in the grass. You make your way past the Quidditch field and further. Much further. The first tree welcomes you, the second is a little distance on. You follow them, they seem so much more inviting then the stiff marble of the castle. The castle was for humans and you were one no longer. Fawkes sqwarks, and you know that he feels uncomfortable.

“We'll be ok,” You promise him, it feels strange to talk aloud. You've been so quiet so long. He nestles into your hair and you reach out, gently massaging his feathers to comfort him.  
“You know, I'm so tired Fawkes. I can't sleep, and I don't need sleep but I'm so tierd,” You tell him and he sqwarks his agreement. Phoneix's don't eat or sleep. They don't have to, they are immortal. They die every day and get brought back from the ashes.  
“It's lonely Fawkes,” You tell him and he bites your ear indignantly.  
“Ow! Ok, I know. You've got me and I've got you, but I mean the other people like us. The other Phoenixs, the other vampires. Don't you ever want to find them? Know you aren't alone?” You ask him and he shakes his head.  
“Not even a phoenix girl?” You ask him pointedly and he shakes his head.  
“A phoenix boy?” You try again and he pauses, neither shaking his head or nodding.  
“I don't even know what to do, I'm surrounded by all these people and they don't know I'm a phoenix like you Fawkes. I'm unique and rare, but they'd hate me of they knew the truth,” You tell him and he shakes his head.  
“Oh really? What do you know? What have you ever had to hide from anyone?” You ask him and he sqwarks indignantly.  
“Yes, I know you hid my presents, but that was a nice surprise. Finding out your best-friend is a vampire isn't,” You point out and Fawkes shakes his head in disagreement.  
“Oh really?” You ask and he nods.  
“And why would that be?” You asks him and he flies out from your hair and spreads his wings. You laugh a little despite it all.  
“Ok, I get it. I'm a Phoenix,” You laugh and Fawkes nods, biting your ear affectionately.  
“I love you Fawkes,” You tell him, “Do you love me?”  
He gives your ear and extra hard bite that tells you that yes, he loves you too.  
“Thanks buddy, now... how do we get out of here?” You ask, looking around to find that you're rather a lot deeper into the dark forest than you thought.

You arrive at the Gryffindor tower just as Hermione is leaving.  
“Hey,” You say with a smile.  
“Hey cutie, aww, I haven't seen you for a year. Come here, let me give you a hug,” Hermione says to Fawkes who'd gone through his transformation to a chick, “Oh hey Y/N,”  
“Hey to you too, it's the first time we've talked since we came back to school,” You remind her and Hermione nods.  
“Uh huh,” She says, stroking Fawkes feathers gently clearly not paying attention.  
“Jeeze, I can not compete with you can I?” You ask Fawkes and He. Winks. At. You.  
“That's nice dear,” Hermione says, still not paying attention while you stand open-mouthed at your friends. The portrait opens, and you roll your eyes and move to step into it. Fawkes flies to hand and you turn to look at Hermione.  
“What's the password?” You ask as she asks her own question.  
“Where were you last night?” She asks.  
“Out,” You say as she answers.  
“Fortuna major,” She says and then blinks.  
“Is that all I get?” She asks.  
“Yep,” You say with a smile, making your way up to the dormitory and seeing that all the girls trunks are near their beds and that Lavender's is as far from yours as possible. You throw off your old robes and throw on new ones as quickly as possible and then you make your way to the Great Hall. Fawkes hops to your shoulder, and you know neither one of you is willing to give the other one up and so you cast the notice me not charm so you can keep him with you.

Professor Mcgonagal makes her way down the Gryfindor table handing out new timetables. You chose three areas to study, Care of Magical creatures, Arithmacy and Muggle Studies. You glance over at Hermione's timetable to see that she chose all lessons. You frown. It's not possible to do that many lessons unless... You squint harder and see it. The thin chain around her neck. They wouldn't... Nobody would've... They can't have actually... No. Hermione has a time turner, hung around her neck. Of all the things... You can't make a scene, can't say anything without exposing yourself but you know it's there. Hermione will literally work herself to death by trying to live too many different timelines at once.

You have to head to Professor Dumbledore's office before lessons, you know you should've gone earlier, but you were still trying to find your way out of the dark forest. Fawkes flies from your shoulder to Dumbledore's, biting his ear affectionately before returning to you.  
“Hey Professor,” You call to him – he's with a strange man and at first you're worried you're interrupting but Professor Dumbledore just smiles at you as the stranger speaks.  
“Which one?” He jokes and you smile.  
“So you must be the new defence against the dark arts teacher,” You say with a smile.  
“Very good observation. I'm Professor Lupin and you?” He asks, offering his hand to shake yours.  
“Y/N Y/L/N,” You greet him and when you clasp hands you smell it, “Huh.. you're a werewolf,”  
“Who told you that?” Professor Lupin asks, expression stunned and looking worried.  
“No one. I'm a vampire and don't worry, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine. Oh! And he's a phoenix,” You explain to the Professor, before pointing at Fawkes who makes a squawking noise not dissimilar to a laugh.  
“Is this your bird? I must say he's a handsome chap,” Professor Lupin says, reaching out to touch Fawkes who snaps at him, “I guess I spooked him...”  
“It's not that, I'm just having a bad day so I don't think Fawkes is willing to let anyone but the two best people near us,” You explain.  
“And who are they?” Professor Lupin asks.  
“Professor Dumbledore and my friend Hermione, oh, and he's not anyone's bird. He's his own bird,” You tell him, politely but sternly.  
“My apologies, sir,” Professor Lupin says to Fawkes who nods at him before letting the Professor leave with a bemuse look.

Once you've fed, you return to lessons. You're amused that none of your professor's notice that Fawkes, a huge, multi-coloured bird, is perched on your shoulder. You doubt it's the notice me not charm though, considering Fawkes was visible to Professor Lupin. You head to the Library quickly during break and discover that Phoenix's are capable of changing what others see them as at will except when they are going through their transformation.  
“You'd never hide yourself from me, would you Fawkes?” You ask and he shakes his head, showing you that no he wouldn't. You make our way to lessons, and then send Fawkes away when you go to help out in the hospital wing during your lunch break. You have more homework to do but you can just do it tonight. Madame Pomfrey kicks you out when there's nothing else to do except wait for the patients own bodies to do the healing. You come back after the afternoon lessons, but you know when she shakes her head that there isn't anything to do and so you head to the library do your homework early while talking to Hermione. You can already see she looks tireder, more distracted and she's easier to irritate. You help her out as subtly as you can with the answers but there's not much you can do for her except encourage her to get an early night.

The term gets easier as it goes on. You get a new routine, you do whatever homework you have to do once everyone's asleep or you study medical magic if you've already done it. Once a week, you see Professor Dumbledore and once a week Fawkes makes a trip for you to France and comes back clutching a parcel containing your potion and a letter. You thank him and he just nibbles your ear affectionately. You spend time helping Madame Pomfrey unless she tells you there's nothing to do and then it's homework, Hermione or flying. Whenever you see Lavender, you ignore her. You want to do so much but you can't. You're both cold, indifferent. You avoid each other like the plague and when you can't there's never an opening for either one of you to talk to the other.

You're sat, minding your own buisness one morning in The Great Hall one morning, chatting with Hermione when Fawkes arrives with your potion. You smuggle it into your robes and let your friend hop onto your shoulder, making your way out of the hall so you could unwrap it in private. You're lucky that you walk some distance away from the Great Hall or else you would've missed the sound under the noise of the hall. Fakes bites your ear, and you widen your ears listening for whatever it is he's picked up only to find the hall still in your ears. You narrow it further and hear the softest stepping sound behind you.

One set of footsteps. You turn a corner, and keep walking, pretending everything is fine. They turn down the corner with you, still keeping just behind you. What if someone's found out your secret? Were you not careful enough? Did you miss something? Did Professor Lupin... No. He wouldn't. Maybe they just have to go the same way as you?

You speed up, spinning round a corner and then another in quick succession. It leads to a broom closet, if they go down here then it's obvious they were following you. You wait, patiently, listening, but when the footsteps get closer you slip your wand in to your hand. The figure rounds the corner, and you lift your wand defensively.

“Brown,” You greet and the name feels strange, wrong as it leaves your mouth. It's cold, too cold to someone who used to mean so much to you. Someone who you... No. You can't go down that route, it's what's best for both of you – Lavender deserves to know who she'd be getting into a relationship with and you can't let anyone know what you are. Keeping your distance is the only way to do the right thing without putting yourself in danger.  
“That seriously what you're going to say?” Lavender asks a mixture of hurt and disbelief colouring her face.  
“What else would I say?” You ask quietly.  
“I don't know, but you could have given me something! You... you kissed me back and we both know that it wasn't because of some imaginary love potion,” Lavender says, angrily.  
“Do we?” You ask, you know but you can't admit it because Lavender can't know how much you care. How much you want to tell her everything that's been happening. She can't know anything.  
“Yes! Of course we do! Seamus can't make a potion without blowing something up!” Lavender yells and you bite your lip.  
“So what? Last year doesn't matter, you've Seamus and I-I don't want you,” You lie, Fawkes bites your ear hard. Protesting, demanding, you admit how you really feel but you can't, “Now, if you'll excuse me,”  
You try to walk past her, but she grabs a hold of your arm. You're strong, but Lavender's desperate and you weren't expecting it. You stumble, and your parcel flies out, the potion shattering on the ground and the liquid contents soaking through, out onto the stone tile.

“What... Y – Y/N are you... are you sick?” Lavnder asks. You grit your teeth, knowing that none of the potion can be salvaged. You cast a simple vanishing charm, before lifting your gaze to where Lavender's hand is still locked around yours.  
“Let go of me,” You order. Lavender flinches under the intensity of your gaze but her grip remains firm.  
“Please... tell me you're ok,” Lavender begs.  
“Butt out,” You say through clenched teeth, yanking your arm back. Then you're marching away, sprinting around the corner.

You want to disappear into the dark forest but you can't. You have to go to Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Lupin. You follow the smell of werewolf and end up outside of the a different classroom, the Professor pulls you inside with a frown.  
“We're going to fight a boggat today,” He tells you, and you frown, “A boggart is -”  
“A creature that prays on your deepest, darkest fears. Often it renders it's opponents completely immobilised by fear,” You voice.  
“I figured I could warn you, just in case your fear pertains to your situation,” Professor Lupin tells you and you clench your hands into a fist.  
“I... It does. I hope you'll forgive me if I miss your lesson,” You say, taking a deep breath.  
“You need to know this spell, so I thought you could practice now and then I'll write you a note for my lesson,” Professor Lupin says.  
“Let's do it then,” You tell him quietly. He nods, showing you the spell a few times before pointing over to the cuboard. It falls open and your worst fear is exposed. 

Body lies on the floor, savaged, blood's everywhere and you know that you did this. They look up ar you with sightless eyes and you recognise their faces. Adam, Gabriel, your mum, your dad, Hermione, Professor Dumbledore.... and Lavender. You killed them, you lost controlled and they lost their life. Fawkes bites your ear, hard, reminding you that it's not real because he's still here. You take a deep breath, and pull out your wand.  
“R-ridiculous,” You cast, and you turn the blood to wings so that they look like they've suffered a bad transfiguration. Besides you, Professor Lupin lifts his wand and fires it into the closet and then you are both silent for a moment.  
“That...” Professor Lupin begins, struggling for a moment as you take a seat on a desk, ashamed, “That was a lot...”  
“That's my worse fear. I'll loose control and I'll kill them, well anyone but especially them,” You say quietly and Professor Lupin nods.  
“Who are they?” He asks, curiously.  
“The humans I love,” You admit, “My family, my friends, my mentor and my... Lavender,”  
“Your Lavender?” Professor Lupin says softly, and you turn your head away, “Listen, you may feel alone in your fear but you're not. Before they created the wolfs-bane potion, I used to go out in the full moon and come back terrified that I'd hurt or would've hurt someone,”  
“It's different though Professor, the full moon comes out and you become a wolf but the rest of the time you're human. Me? I'm a vampire no matter when or where I am,” You tell him careful to keep your voice quiet. He reaches out and he touches your shoulder.  
“I know, but you are young. Gradually, you will get better, more controlled,” He promises you and you nod.  
“Madame Pomfrey lets me work in the hospital wing. Some days I have to run but most of the time I can ignore it and focus on what needs doing,” You tell him and he nods.  
“Would you want to be a doctor in the future?” He asks.  
“Maybe. I don't know, it's a long way away although I imagine one day a year will feel like a second,” You sigh, “I wonder if there will be anyone with me then,”  
“I know how you feel,” Professor Lupin says.  
“Oh really?” You challenge.  
“Really, Werewolves are also theoretically immortal. I'm only forty mind, but they expect me to live forever,” Professor Lupin says and you nod.  
“Well, if you're still alive when forever comes, you'll always be welcome to a cup of tea around my place,” You tell him and he smiles.  
“Perhaps one day we'll be the best of friends,” He says with a smile.

A month passes. Lavender and you might as well have never known the other existed. You watch her everywhere and yet never let her know. She does the same, you know she does, but it's easier to pretend that she doesn't. Pretend that neither of you ever had feelings for the other. Pretend that you don't both desperately want to wrap her into your arms and tell her that you love her.

Hermione pulls you aside in the Library on the day Gryfindor's match against Ravenclaw.  
“I know your secret,” She tells you, and you freeze.  
“Which one?” You ask, carefully, trying to stay calm. She couldn't have overheard your conversation with Professor Lupin, there was no one around.  
“That you're a vampire,” She whispers. You grip the table tightly.  
“Sorry? I have no idea - “ You start, but Hermione rolls her eyes.  
“Y/N, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's not your fault,” Hermione says.  
“Maybe I am, so? Are you scared of me? Do you hate me?” You ask and she shakes her head.  
“No. I'd never hate you, not for this. You're still the exact same person I've always known,” Hermione says pulling you into her arms and hugging you.  
“How'd you work it out?” You ask quietly.  
“You never really eat enough at meal times, and you hadn't grown at all between first and second year even though everyone grows at least a little. Besides, Harry thought you were a parstlemouth and had heard the snake, but you clearly hadn't heard the voice because you were nowhere to be found when the parallelised people were found. You just smelled the blood didn't you?” Hermione asks.  
“Yeah,” You admit sheepishly.

You don't watch the match, focusing instead on helping Madame Pomfrey with prepping the hospital wing for the undoubtedly injured Quidditch players who will turn up. A gloomy Ravenclaw tells you that Gryfindor won. You thank him and carefully fix his broken tooth. He smiles when the pain disappears and you give him a smile before continuing on. You don't get to go to your houses celebration until much later.

As you leave the hospital wing, Fawkes flies to your shoulder. You smile, glad to have your friend back with you. He's with you so often that it's strange to be without him. The two of you continue to the party and find that it's dying down. 

The Weasley twins cheer when they see you. You'd had to fix Fred's nose and a fracture on George's arm, both of them had taken a few hits from bludgers but had sent them back again with incredible gusto from what you'd heard.

“Here come the doctor!” Fred yells – you can tell because he still has a streak of mud around his nose. Almost immediately, the party rises up again and you groan inwardly.  
“What's this about?” You ask, normally no ones this happy to see you. While you got on with your fellow Gryfindor's you weren't like Harry Potter you were just a person.  
“Who said this was about something? Can't a Quidditch team show appreciation for the doctor that helped them all out?” George asks. You raise an eyebrow at him, unimpressed.  
“Ok fine, so we need a doctor that won't get us in trouble. Happy?” Fred asks and you roll your eyes.  
“Simply ecstatic, exactly what are you doing that requires you to set such a high, high bar for a doctor?” You ask sarcastically.  
“The Gryffi-tourny,” George says, a wicked grin on his face.  
“I'm sorry?” You ask and the twins grin mischievously.

“Well, it was actually you who gave us the idea,” Fred starts.  
“We heard about the game you played on the train,” George explains.  
“21 dares,” Fred continues, “Great game. I was thinking we could play it here only it be the official test of how Gryffindor you are,”  
“What do you reckon Y/N, you in?” They ask simultaneously.  
“You do know I'm not qualified, don't you?” You asks them and they roll their eyes.  
“You might as well be,” George says.  
“But I'm not,” You tell them clearly.  
“Ok, but will you do it?” They ask.  
“Tell me honestly, would you do it without me here?” You ask.  
“Yes,” They say and you sigh.  
“That's what I thought,” You sigh, “Let's do this, but I want in on everything,”

The first task you perform is rounding up all the sober Gryffindor's and offering them in. Most, wisely, say no but others do not. Fred and George scrutinise you all carefully, and then turn to the people watching.

“Write a name of something you want them to attempt in this hat and we'll draw them out at random until there's only one challenger,” Fred says and quickly the hat fills with three dozen or so different ideas. You survey your other supposed challengers, there are no 1st or 2nd years, only one other 3rd year (Dean), two 4th years, three 5th years (Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinet), four 6th years and 1 7th year, Oliver Wood.

“Challengers, medic Y/ Y/L/N will be attending and participating,” George briefs them, “The further in the tourney you get the harder the dares become, should you require medical attention she is here”

The 1st dare Fred pulls from the hat with gusto, reads it and then laughs delightedly.  
“Challengers, your first dare is simple. You must enter Mcgonagal's room and leave without being caught,” Fred tells you and you smile, following the challengers without difficulty. You creep past them in the dark, listening for the sound of snoring and when finding it, you move without any fear. You'll know if she wakes. Everyone waits for a minute in the dark and then moves back into the party.

The 2nd challenge is a little harder, George orders you to creep straight to the side of her bed. At this stage, one of the fourth years and two sixth years sensibly drops out. You go first, sneaking into her room and out again with no difficulties, then Dean, the other fourth year, the three fifth years, two sixth years and the seventh year.

The 3rd calls for something even harder. Fred orders you to kiss one person you're attracted to in the room. You see Lavender, but you have to turn away from her. Who could you kiss? You looked towards your best friend, Hermione. She was attractive and could probably forgive you for this. You lock eyes, and you walk towards her holding out your hand. She looks at you with a look that says, if you must. Gently, you press a kiss to her lips, which she reciprocates slightly – she's not a bad kisser but you know that she's not interested in you like that so you keep it short and sweet. To your surprise, when you join the other challengers you see that Dean has left, as has the other 4th year and two of the 5th years (although you spot Katie and Alicia making-out in a corner and refusing to come back out).

George walks around you, his brother Fred no where to be seen, he scrutinising the still assembled people with a mischievous smile. There were five of you left. Unless Katie and Alica - nope they were heading up to there room now. There were five of you left. The next thing you know, your broomstick is being placed into your hand and everyone is marching towards the Quiditch pitch with a crowd of people following you.

“The fourth challenge is simple, we've seen how our Seeker, Harry Potter can pull of a fifty-foot dive without so much as a scratch. Now we won't to see if you guys can do a thirty foot dive. Stopping before I give the signal will result in a disqualification, Fred's waiting for you up there,” George tells you and you nod gripping your broom and rocketing up to him.

“You first then Y/N,” Fred says and you nod, leaning down on your broom and picking up as much speed as possible. Fawkes chuckles into your ear. Thirty-feet was nothing to you. You did a lot of tricks when you were bored. You waited, watching the Weasley twin and the crowd of people behind him. Lavender was hiding in Seamus' shoulder and Hermione's lips were in a thin line, she was watching but you could tell she not only disapproved but was concerned. You let out a yell of exhilaration and Lavender instinctively looked up at the noise. You wanted her to see, wanted her to watch, you saw her eyes, scared, begging for your safety as you waited until the last possible moment before pulling out of your dive seconds after George raised his hand to stop you. When you touched down, there was a cheer from the crowd. Hermione's eyes were narrowed at you and you sheepishly shrugged waiting for the other challengers.  
Surprisingly, the only other person to manage the dive was Oliver. Angelina, as a chaser was not used to such dives but Oliver routinely fell from his broomstick. Angelina pulled out the dive a few seconds before where as the both sixth years chickened out before reaching Fred.

“Only two challengers left, let's see... I've got it! You two have to climb the Owlrey,” George said, you scoff.  
“Do you wish to forfeit Doctor?” Fred asks and you shake your head.  
“No, but I wish you'd choose a better building,” You say.  
“And what would you suggest?” They ask, the owlrey was around fifty feet high.

“I'd suggest the Gryffindor – tower,” You tell them and the crowd gasps. Hermione grabs hold of you and tugs you to the side.  
“What the hell are you doing?” She hisses.  
“Having fun,” You tell her with a smile.  
“This is your idea of fun?” She asks.  
“No, I'm just bored,” You tell her honestly, before walking back to the twins and Oliver.

The start of the climb is easy, it's slippery, but it can be done. Oliver tries to lead but it isn't long before you're ahead of him having done this climb before, you keep going and hear him grunt.

“Fawkes, if he falls, can you catch him?” You ask and your friend squarks his agreement in your ear. You keep heading up and eventually you hear someone cheer, you glance over to see that you are around one hundred foot in the air and Oliver has just given up and started climbing down. You smile and start to climb higher, curious as to whether you can make it the whole way up without stopping. Your foot slips and for a moment you're suspended by just your arms, but you pull yourself back onto the ledge and keep going. You glance down, you can't see anyone anymore you're perhaps two-hundred feet up. A fall from a height like this would probably kill even you. You climb further, three hundred, further, three hundred and twenty five. You reach the dorm window from last time, and gripping tightly to the ledge, you smash it before throwing yourself through it. You cast a quick reparo charm and stroll into the Gryffindor common room, a book in your hand as you recline against the sofa.

Fred leads half of the crowd from before up and into the girls common room – having to fly up the boys since they were unable to get up the stairs. You follow behind them, a small smile on your face as you cast the notice me not charm, you make your way over to your bed and lay still with your book.  
“Can you see her?” Fred asks Angelina.  
“No, maybe someone ought to fly up?” Angelina suggests.  
“I have a Nimbus if anyone needs to borrow it,” You call from your bed.  
“That's good, go grab it,” Fred orders.  
“I think George has it,” You tell him, turning the next page.  
“So?” Fred asks.  
“Uh... Fred?” Angelina asks, Fred turns to her and then he sees you leaned against your bed. The cheering of the crowd is loud enough that you hear the people on the ground wondering inside and back to the common room, confused. Moments later your dorm is over-run with people and you roll your eyes.  
“There goes the piece and quiet,” You say to Fawkes, but it looks as though you're talking to yourself. The crowd lift you on their shoulders and as one they slide down the stairs into the common room. They place you on your feet, throwing the music back up as loud as possible and proceeding to dance around like crazy. Oliver shakes your hand like it's a game of Quidditch but you just shake his too not making a comment.

“What the hell was that?” Hermione asks.  
“I just wanted a change,” You admit with a sigh.  
“You could've died,” She tells you.  
“No I wouldn't and couldn't have,” You say with a smile.  
“Your not immortal. You can die,” Hermione tells you and you smile.  
“Yes, but it's time I let you in on a little secret. If that's ok with you buddy,” You say to Hermione and then to Fawkes who nods.  
“This is my friend, Fawkes, he's a phoenix” You explain to her and she frowns.  
“Did you cheat?” She asks.  
“No, I climbed the whole thing and Fawkes didn't intervene but if I'd fallen too far or wood had he'd have intervened,” You explain and she nods.  
“Why do it?” She asks and you sigh.  
“It's kind of fun, and I needed to do something that made me feel good today,” You sigh and she nods.  
“I forgive you, but next time warn me. I was worried,” Hermione sighs, pulling you into a hug.  
“I will do,” You promise, and then in a whisper “Sorry about kissing you,”  
“It's ok, you aren't bad at it at all,” She tells you and you smile. You pull back to see Lavender glaring at you with so much hurt in her eyes and you turn away from her.

Professor Mcgongal shuts down the party at two. You aren't too bothered, the party is boring when you can't taste food, can't get drunk - though you can't taste alchol you'd be capable of getting drunk from it if it wasn't for the fact the older years refuse to give it to anyone younger than a fifth year. 

You climb into bed and relax a little.You're doing your usual listening for the other girls to be sleeping when you hear it. A soft tearing sound. You tense up, letting your hearing go. A sudden scream hits you and you yank your hearing back, jumping to your feet and running towards it. You hear a cracking sound and then footsteps running beyond the portrait hole. You move to chase after them, but you pause when you hear Ron telling Professor Mcgongagal that Sirus Black was standing over him with a knife.

You spend the rest of the night in the hall. You want to ask Professor Mcgonagal to let you help the prefects but your promise to your mum prevents you. Professor Dumbledore summons sleeping bags and you grit your teeth knowing you have no choice but to lay in one all night. You turn your sleeping bag a fiery red, not dissimilar to Fawkes colour before climbing inside the sleeping bag and lying still.

Near the end of the year, you and Lavender make tentative conversation. You exchange pleasantries and slowly work your way towards acquaintances and then to low-key friends. She breaks up with Seamus and starts dating someone else. You don't ask any questions because it's easier to pretend that nothing happened and that everything's still the same. You two don't spend any time alone but you talk briefly.

The hospital gets three patients over-night, Ron, Hermione and Harry. Sirius Black is locked away. Only for him to mysteriously disappear in the early hours of the morning. Hermione may have confessed to breaking him out with Harry. You roll your eyes, and then pulling a Pomfrey, you order her into bed-rest until the end of year feast where Professor Dumbledore springs them all from the hospital wing.

Professor Lupin is discovered as a werewolf. You run to his office.  
“Sir... is it true? Are you resigning?” You ask.  
“Yes, people won't be happy when it gets to the parents. It's best that I leave quietly, this is my choice and this is what I must do,” He tells you.  
“One day... one day things will get better won't they sir?” You ask him desperately.  
“With signing examples like you to look up to, of course,” He complements and you smile sadly, hugging him tightly.  
“See you when forever comes,” You say sadly.  
“When forever comes,” He agrees, Fawkes pops up from your shoulder and allows the Professor to briefly pet him before going back to hiding.

Gryffindor win the house cup and the quidditch cup. It feels hollow, empty to celebrate without Lavender. You sigh, and wait for it to be over. You don't sit with Lavender and her friends on the way home, you stay away. Sitting near the back where no one goes you talk to Fawkes until he flies back to Hogwarts halfway home and then you just sit watching the world go by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapters a little later in the day then normal. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, and I'm kind of curious how does everyone feel about Fawkes? I think writing this has genuinely made me want to get like a budgie or something one day although I probably won't.
> 
> Also, kind of curious, what do you think about the Gryffindor party?
> 
> Anyway, have a great week and I hope to see you all back here next Saturay,
> 
> Cheers,
> 
> Hugo


	7. Before 4th Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your birthday once again and you're ready to try something new.

You smile when Fawkes flies through your window and settles onto your shoulder. He bites your ear gently and you grin at him.

“It's my birthday,” You tell him and he rolls his eyes almost as if to say 'would I be here if it wasn't?

“You're sassy today,” You tell him and he cocks his head at you in a look that says, try me. Just try me.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, peace,” You say to him and he bites your ear gently, accepting your surrender. He nods his head over to your window sill and you gasp when you see three neatly wrapped parcels. For a moment, you think that one is from Lavender, until you find its from Madame Pomfrey, there's also presents from Hermione and Professor Dumbledore.

“Thanks Fawkes,” You say with a small smile, rubbing the feathers near the back of his head. He croons softly, before biting your ear and flying to your chair. You open your presents to find a book on medical magic (Madame Pomfrey) a book on advanced spells (Hermione) and a book on reeally advanced spells (Professor Dumbledore). You smile to yourself and hug them tight to your chest before racing downstairs when you hear you mum getting up.

“Hey mum!” You say with a smile.

“Hey,” Your mum says, peering up at the clock face, “You can go wake the twins and your dad if you want,”

You grin, racing up stairs and knocking on the door to Adam's bedroom.

“You need to wake up, we have to get ready,” You call through the door and Adam promises that he'll be just a minute. You knock on Gabriel's, calling the same thing through his door but not waiting for a reply since you expect he won't be even half as pleasant as Adam. You knock on your parents bedroom where the sleepy promise of your dad that he'll get up is accompanied by the sudden sound of snoring. You roll your eyes, marching inside and throwing the covers off him, he sighs, grabbing hold of you and pulling you into a bear hug.

“Dad! I'm not a teddy bear! Get up!” You protest and you hear him sigh.

“You're small enough to be one,” He points out.

“That's not fair! I've grown a whole six inches since you started making the potion,” You protest and he shakes his head.

“Still tiny, and cute. You're my favourite, just don't tell your brothers,” He says.

“Dad!” You protest, “Come on, please? Mum's making breakfast as we speak,”

Your dad jumps to his feet suddenly.

“Da-” You start shocked until he says in a voice that is almost a growl.

“BACON,” He growls before running downstairs. You roll your eyes, and head to the shower. A slight gnawing feeling makes you sigh and grab one of the tubes of blood in the bathroom, gulping it down quickly and using the self-restraint you'd nurtured during your time working in the hospital wing to force yourself to stop.

When you come downstairs, everyone is dressed and ready to go. You don't look at Gabriel but you say good morning to everyone and happily open the presents from everyone (except Gabriel who didn't get you one). Your parents got you new clothes since your old ones were getting a little too small for you – finally – and Adam brought you a the sequel to a wixing novel you'd liked a little while ago.

“Shall we go?” Your mum asks with a smile. You grin happily, grabbing her hand as your Dad grabs Gabriel's and Adam, who has passed his apparation test, smirks smugly. You have just enough time to roll your eyes at him before you land in a car-park. You look around quickly as your dad and brother's pop up and find that no one has noticed your arrival. Sounds of screams fill the air and you grin when you see people hurtling down a track in a small metal cart. A roller-coaster.

You grin as your mum pays entrance to the theme park – as an auror she doesn't have any trouble since there's always a possibility wixes will escape to the muggle world and so auror's are given training - and then you are presented with a map and a wristband. Adam grins at you, excited. His hand reaches out to grab yours, and spins you round. You giggle, jumping up and down. This was going to be your first time ever at an amusement park, Hermione had told you about them at the start of the holidays and you were desperate to try them out. A whole park, filled with stomach dropping rides? The Gryffindor in you was screaming to be let out into this wonderful place.

“Where do we go first?” Your mum asks, her eyes were alight with curiosity as she takes in all the different styles of muggle clothing and the different attractions. You were of course all in standard muggle clothes, (black shirts and blue jeans) but it was interesting to see different styles of clothing since several muggles seemed to posses pre-ripped clothes.

“Let's try that!” Adam says pulling you and your mum out of your studying as he points over to where a wooden log with people inside was climbing up a steep hill. As you watched the log turned around a corner and was suddenly pitched forwards off the hill, flying for a moment through the air and landing with a huge splash in a pool of water.

“Wicked,” You breathed out with a grin on your face.

“Race you,” Adam says and you laugh chasing after him and easily overtaking him.

“When will you learn that I'll always beat you?” You ask.

“Never! As your older brother I maintain the right to always try to be faster,” Adam says and you laugh at the way he jerks his head up in smug defiance. He pouts his expression turning indignant, “Hey! I'm the eldest, stop laughing like that,”

“Got it, got it, you're the eldest. Won't forget,” You promise still laughing. Adam pouts, and then tips you upside down with a smile. You snort, scrambling free, grabbing him around the middle and turn him upside down with ease. Your still holding him like that when the ride operator ushers you into the ride. She looks at you and you shrug, placing Adam – still upside down - in one of the hollowed out holes of the log. He rightens himself, brushing imaginary dust off himself as the rest of your family file into the log.

The ride starts, and you grin the anticipation building with every inch higher you got. You leaned forwards eager to see exactly how it worked but not quite sure. You'd have to find a book on it at some point then. Adam's yelp alerts you to the fact that you're at the top of the ride and about to come down, various reactions break out in your family. Your Dad is nervously clinging to your mum, who has a look of furious excitement on her face, Gabriel looks irritated and Adam has nervous excitement on his face. You turn back to see the whole world seems to have slowed down, Fawkes who is flying overhead looks like he wants to grab hold of the log and carry you to safety, a boys cone falls from his grip and a woman reaches to swat a fly in slow motion and then everything speeds up.

The log lands with a heavy splash, showering everyone and everything within a three metre radius. You laugh with exhilaration everyone else soon joining in save Gabriel.

“Urgh, now my clothes are wet. Thanks a lot Y/N,” Gabriel says, standing with a disgusted expression on his face. Adam frowns, his grip on you tightening protectively. When you weren't there, Gabriel and Adam had an easy relationship but, when you were Gabriel reacted with such hatred for you that Adam, who still loved you dearly, found it hard to be around him.

“Relax,” You whispered under your breath to Adam and he frowns, hugging you more tightly to him.

“It's not Ok,” He protests, “It's not fair,”

“Just let it go, we can still have a nice day but if you argue back things will just turn even more unpleasant,” You remind him and he sighs, relaxing slightly and letting the fiery anger fade from his eyes as he helps you out of the log.

“Where to next?” Your mum asks, and you don't miss the glare she gives Gabriel.

“Might I make a suggestion?” Your dad asks, and you all turn to him expectantly, “Let's try that one, it ought to give us a good idea of where everything is and what we should try,” You follow his finger to see a huge wheel slowly spinning round and round.

“Let's do it,” You say with a small smile, you'd probably have more fun attempting to climb the wheel while it was moving but it'd be better to work out where everything was before continuing through the park. You didn't really know what anything was or what was fun.

Once inside the slowly rotating wheel you stand just a little distance away from your brothers. If you weren't careful you could break the glass by pushing just a little too hard, it's probable that Fawkes would save you but if that happened you'd have to obliviate a lot of muggles to make them forget your flying, feathered saviour.

You let your sight go mad, stretching so that you could see every face in the park. You watched with interest as a seemingly solid platform rose into the air and span round and round at a speed that rendered it's seated passengers a blur. You grabbed the map and marked it's location by gently pushing your finger through the middle of it's printed picture (it was strange that the pictures didn't move but you were getting used to it since Hermione tended to give you mixtures of muggle and wixing books). Adam watched in disbelief before trying to replicate the gesture himself only to fail. With a sigh he finally asks you to mark his ride. This was quickly followed by several other requests from your family, save Gabriel who just scowled when you offered.

You ended up trying pretty much every ride in the park until your parents told you that it was time for a final ride. The sky had started to get darker and your family were getting tiered even if you were incapable of it. You nodded once before leading them to it. The super-coaster. A red sleek looking things, with tracks that circled in on itself, hills that went higher than most Quidditch teams dare to climb to and drops far steeper. Your dad looked at it with a queasy expression on his face.

“I... um.... I don't suppose I could sit this one out, could I?” He asks.

“I'll join you,” Gabriel says, sullenly turning away from the ride.

“I'm up for it,” Adam offers and your mum smiles.

“This looks like fun,” Your mum agrees, and then you're all being ushered onto the ride. You only just pass the height requirements, and you pout when Adam smiles and ruffles your hair as he towers over you.

“Shut up,” You say as you climb into a cart not dissimilar to the one you'd ride in Gringotts.

“I didn't say anything!” Adam protests.

“You were thinking it,” You challenge and he laughs.

“Skilled in Legillimency now?” Adam asks. You start to form a retort only for the ride to start.

You feel the slight movement of the cart beneath you, it moves slowly up a hill and you wonder what your dad was so scared of for a moment until you look over the side and realise your so high up in the air that even with the strongest of your vampiric sight you can only just make out their faces. You glance back to the track of the ride and you plummet downwards at breakfast speeds, your flipped upside down and for a moment you think that everyone will plunge to their deaths until you are suddenly back down, blood pounding in your ears. The ride continues, faster and faster, round and round, over an over until your back at the beginning.

“Can we go again? Can we go again?” Your mum asks with an enthusiasm that would not look out of place on a small child, as adrenaline pumped through her veins.

“I think if we did that Adam would be sick,” You tell your mum with a small smile as your brother held himself together. You lifted him gently in your arms, much to your mother's amusement and his passive disgruntlement. Your mother apparates the two of you home and your dad apparates Gabriel.

“Happy Birthday,” Your parents and Adam wish you before everyone leaves for their rooms. You smile briefly, before opening the front door and leaving for your garden to see your friend, your broomstick firmly in hand. Fawkes hadn't been able to come on any of the rides and so it was now that you celebrated your birthday with him, until the sun broke the horizon and the sounds of your mother making breakfast could be heard. You returned to the house then and started the pile of homework you had to do, before packing for Hogwarts methodically piling all your books in your trunk, followed by a far smaller pile of clothes and then class supplies.

You spend the last of the evening engaged in a furious wizard chess tournament with your family – which you get to the final in before your mother defeats you – and then before you know it you're being apparated away to the Hogwarts express.

“Goodbye mum,” You say with a small smile.

“Goodbye, I love you,” She says with a smile, “and -”

“Stay safe, I know. This year should be danger free though, I can't think of anything that could possible endanger me and besides, I'm always safe,” You tell her, “How many times have you been told I've been injured?”

“Never,” She admits sheepishly.

“I promise that's the way it'll stay,” You tell her and she nods. The train whistles, you were later to the platform this time.

“Go,” She says and you smile.

“Goodbye,” You say one last time as you race towards the platform, “I love you,”

You ride to school with Dean and Seamus. Neville is with Luna and Ginny and Lavender and Parvati have avoided the two boys like the plague since Lavender and Seamus broke-up. They talk about little else than the Quidditch match in which the dark mark and death-eaters appeared. You frowned, and with a quiet apology asked to be excused.

You find each other on the train. You and Lavender. You don't know if she went to the game or not but you need to see that she's ok. You don't bother talking, don't say a word because as long as you don't then it's not real. You can't acknowledge that the moment you see her, you breath easier, feel better. Lavender's safe. You both stay silent, drinking the sight of each other in and then you pass her, heading back to Seamus and Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know what you think and leave a Kudos if you think I've earned it [thank you to the people who already have :) you make my day].
> 
> This chapters a little early because I don't think I'll have enough time to post Saturday, but rest assured Sunday's post will be here on the right day at the right time. Promise.
> 
> Have a great weekend and hopefully see you all Sunday,
> 
> Thanks for reading,
> 
> Hugo


	8. 4th Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For most residents of Hogwarts, the Twiwizard Tournament sparks excitement but you're the exception. Why? Beaubaxtons magic school will be in attendance. That's not all, a mystery plagues you. What's wrong with Alastor Moody?

When you enter the Great Hall, you sit with Hermione. She wraps you into a hug when she sees you and you tell her about the theme park you went to, you describe the rides and she gives you the names for them like the Ferris wheel and the log flumes. You both go silent when the Sorting Ceremony starts, you don't watch, instead focusing on the empty defence against the dark arts chair. Professor Lupin should be sat there, he was the most competent, kind, qualified teacher you'd ever had but he'd resigned when it was discovered that he was a werewolf. You shuddered at the idea of what would happen to you should your secret be discovered, you couldn't leave, this was the only place you'd ever be able to get a magical education and you liked being here. You had friends, and you were helping out in the hospital wing slowly but surely getting better at medical magic.

The doors to the great hall are slammed open and in steps a man with hair plastered to his head, a wooden staff in one hand and a blue eye that whizzed around in it's socket with a speed that reminds you of the theme park ride. You curiously take a sniff and frown.

“Everything Ok?” Hermione asks.

“He smells wrong, I can't place it but I know I've smelt it before,” You tell her quietly, frowning deeply as you try to place it.

“Is it a potion? A natural scent? A perfume?” Hermione questions and you frown even deeper as you try to compare the scents.

“Some sort of potion I think but I just.... I can't place it,” You tell her apologetic.

“It's Ok, it'll come to you,” Hermione reassures you before Dumbledore stands to make a speech to the Great Hall. You don't pay too much attention, distracted by trying to place the smell of the newcomer, Mad-eye Moody, but you hear Professor Dumbledore announce the Twiwizard Tournament with Beabuxton's and Drumstrang. You freeze, feeling sick. Gabriel will come. He'll never back down from a challenge. The only saving grace is that if Gabriel comes so will Adam.

Lavender seems excited, she discusses it with Parvati for hours. You feign sleep, fearing exposure if you joined in the conversation and being unable to read until they give up their conversation and go to sleep. It's four o'clock before the sound of snoring finally fills the room, but at that stage you figure you might as well just get up and go see if Professor Dumbledore is awake. By the time that you've showered and dressed, he is and so you confide your suspicions that there is something wrong with Mad-eye Moody. Dumbledore trusts you, and so he promises to keep an eye on the situation and makes you swear to tell him if you work out what the smell is.

You can't just leave it be, and so you head to the library reading potions books. Your struggling to reach for a book on a higher shelf, when a hand reaches up and lifts it from it's shelf. You turn your head to see a boy with a friendly smile.

“Is this what you were reaching for?” He asks.

“Yeah, thank you,” You say, relieved as he passes it to you.

“What's a second year want with an advanced potion book?” The boy asks.

“I'M A FOURTH YEAR!” You protest indignant and the boy raises his hands.

“Sorry,” He apologises, blushing red from his slip up.

“Sorry for yelling,” You apologise, “I just get it a lot... I swear I'm growing!”

“I believe you, sorry, I used to hate it when that happened to me. Still, when my growth spurt hit in fifth year I was laughing as I towered over everyone,” The boy says and you smile.

“Fingers crossed it happens to me too then,” You say (and who knows, with your Dad's potion it really might).

“It will. I'd bet two sickles,” The boy says with an easy grin.

“And how am I suppose to collect when I don't even know your name?” You ask and the boy smiles.

“Sorry, where are my manners? I'm Cedric Diggory, seventh year, Hufflepuff,” He introduces himself, offering his hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N, fourth year, Gryffindor,” You say politely shaking his hand.

“Oh! The doctor! I think you helped treat me when I came down with dragon pox, I don't know how I didn't realise it was you,” Cedric says and you smile.

“In fairness, even a mild strain of dragon pox, like you had, is capable of leaving grown men disorientated, dizzy, forgetful and with boiling fever. From what I remember you were bouncing off the walls,” You tell him and he smiles, before sighing when a quick tempus reveals the time.

“I have to get going,” He tells you apologetically.

“Same, thank you for grabbing that book,” You tell him and he smiles.

“Thanks for treating me,” He says, as he starts to walk away.

By the time the other magic schools are set to arrive you still haven't solved your puzzle. O the day of arrival, you ask Madame Pomfrey to let you hide away in the Hospital Wing. She does, on the condition that you focus on treating the patients (already there have been 6 outbreaks of flu, fifteen broomstick accidents and eight duels which is both ridiculous and hilarious). When there's nothing more to be done, she kicks you out and tells you that everyone is eating dinner in the Great Hall. Reluctantly, you attend, wanting to know if your suspicions were accurate or not.

You lock eyes with Gabriel, who is sat talking to a Ravenclaw boy in your year. Adam smiles slightly at you from his place besides Gabriel and you force yourself to smile back to him. This was going to be a tricky year no doubt.

“What's your name?” The boy asks Gabriel and he smiles a sinister smile at you.

“Gabriel Y/L/N,” He tells him and the boy smiles.

“There's a girl in my year with that surname,” He tells him and Gabriel smiles, “Hey! You look similar to her,”

You slide into a seat besides Hermione, gripping the table tightly. She looks at your obvious distress in confusion until the boy shouts it loudly for the whole hall to hear.

“WAIT! YOUR Y/N'S BROTHER'S?” He yells and you feel like every head in the hall swivels to keep you in their sights as Adam stands with, glaring once at Gabriel before walking over to your shaking form.

“Hey,” Adam says, pushing his way onto the bench so that he's sat besides you.

“Hey,” You greet, wrapping him in a huge hug.

“How are you doing?” Adam asks and you sigh a little.

“Better now that you're here,” You tell him and he nods, accepting it.

“Who's this?” Lavender calls and you grip Adam's hand tightly to remind yourself that he's here, besides you, supporting you.

“My older brother, Adam, Adam this is Lavender” You introduce them and Lavender's face lights up with confusion. This is ridiculous, she doesn't talk to you for an age and suddenly she thinks she has a right to ask questions? You'd be angry if you weren't more concerned with trying to think of a cover story for the inevitable question that will come.

“Wait... are you... are you French?” Lavender asks, trying to understand but struggling to see why you are here at Hogwarts when he attends Beaxbaton's magic school.

“Yes,” You say, keeping your answer short.

“How come your here then?” Lavender finally asks.

“It's family tradition, the oldest daughter goes to Hogwarts and I'm the only girl so here I am,” You lie, but Lavender swallows it down.

Hermione watches the Beauxbaton students with a sudden angry intensity and you know that she doesn't believe you in the slightest.

“Hermione,” You whisper and she doesn't look away from where she's giving one student a particularly hard death stare.

“Uh-huh,” She mumbles as the girl gulps a little and tries to hide herself behind a boy.

“It's not the students faults that I am here and not there, and besides I wouldn't want to be there anyway – I have you,” You tell her and she stops glaring at the girl and looks at you. Suddenly, you find yourself engulfed in a hug from her.

“I'm glad I have you too,” Hermione tells you and you smile at her fondly.

Adam shows an interest in the castle, so you give him a tour and tell him everything you can about it. He asks you other questions too, not about the castle.

“Is she your girlfriend?” He asks and you look at him confused.

“Who?” You ask confused.

“Hermione?” Adam asks, trying to get the pronunciation right.

“No, she's straight and also not my type. She's a really good friend of mine though,” You tell him and he nods thoughtfully.

“What about the other one?” Adam asks.

“No, I'm not dating Lavender,” You say, your voice accidentally broadcasting your hurt to him and you both wince at the raw emotions.

“You want to,” Adam guesses.

“It doesn't matter,” You lie and he frowns.

“It clearly does,” He argues back.

“Maybe, but I can't afford to let it and I can't go after her,” You sigh.

“Why on earth not?” Adam asks and you stare at the ceiling.

“Secrets don't build the bases of healthy relationships and I can't tell her or else I might have to leave Hogwarts,” You confess and he hugs you tightly to him once again.

Peeves interrupts the moment, by pelting you with pieces of chalk. Adam gets a dangerous look in your eyes and something tells you Peeves and the Weasley twins may have some competition this year with their pranks.

You return to your dorm reluctantly when you become required by both curfew and Adam being human. Lavender is sat on your bed, pretending like she has evey right to be there. You sit besides her and stare out of the window hoping that if you are silent long enough she'll leave you be.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Lavender asks.

“I didn't think it mattered and besides I like to be out of the lumus as much as possible. If people knew I was from France I wouldn't exactly be out of the lumus, would I?” You tell her, it's mostly truthful for once.

“You could've told me at least,” Lavender points out and you shrug.

“Why would I?” You challenge and she frowns, “We're not close Lavender,”

You see a new wound forming, near the old one you caused her. She stands without a word and goes to her bed as you stare down at the floor, trying to ignore how much you want to wrap her up, apologise and tell her everything. You feel like doing it every night, but you don't and you won't do anything. You never do. You never can.

The Twiwizard champions are announced. Neither Adam or Gabriel get chosen. Adam smiles and cheers for Fleur, the Beauxbatons champion, and tells you that he's glad he's here still since he can meet your friends and watch with you. You smile at his sappiness and tell him your glad he'll be safe.

Harry Potter get's chosen as well as Cedric Diggory. Gabriel accuses Hogwarts of being cheaters and despite your attempt at restraining him, Adam snaps and you ene up having to fix the both of them up in the Hospital wing.

“You're really good at this,” Adam compliments as you correct his broken nose.

“I try, but I'd much rather not have to patch you up because you and Gabriel got in a fight,” You point out and he shrugs.

“Gabriel should learn not to be a -” Adam starts but you cover his mouth before he can finish.

“Shush, there are first years here,” You point out and he apologises. Gabriel is less gracious about being patched up by you and the moment your done, he shoves past you without so much as a thank you.

You start seeing Cedric more and more often in the library, as well as the other champions. Unlike Harry, he wanted this. You want to take a moment to congratulate him on achieving what he wants but you're too awkward to approach him. Eventually, your opportunity comes when he comes to rescue to from another predicament.

You swear that you hadn't meant to knock so many books off, but when you'd jump to grab the right one, you'd accidentally sent a whole shelf's worth of books on top of you. For a moment, you just lay there stunned with a whole shelf's worth of books on your chest and then you start to struggle out from beneath the pile.

“Need a hand doctor?” He asks and you sigh.

“That'd be lovely,” You say with a sigh, as Cedric brushes the books off you, pulling you up. You think his assistance is over, until he bends to grab a few books.

“I'll stack the top shelves if you take from the Z's up,” Cedric tells you and you smile thankfully as together you start to re-stack the shelves. You don't say anything as you work, but after a few minutes you turn to him with a grateful smile.

“Thank you,” You tell him and he shrugs.

“No problem Doctor,” He tells you, “Now, you'd best tell me which book you wanted before you upset the whole shelf again,”

You tell him and he hands it over to you.

“Congratulations on getting into the tournament,” You tell him and he smiles.

“Thanks,” He says, “To be honest, I'm a little nervous,”

“Well, I'm here if you need someone,” You offer, “A doctor's job is to help and I'm normally easy to find since I'm in the library so..”

“Thanks for the offer but aren't you Harry's friend?” Cedric asks, “I wouldn't want to cause trouble,”

“Just because I'm Harry's friend doesn't mean I only treat Harry when he comes into the Hospital Wing. I'm here for everyone, that includes you. Also, I've read most of the Libary so I can always recommend a good book at the very least,” You offer and Cedric smiles.

“I may take you up on that offer Doctor,” Cedric says and you smile.

“Did you forget my name?” You ask and he blushes.

“Maybe,” He agrees.

“Y/N,” You reintroduce yourself and he smiles.

“Cedric,” He says unnecessarily.

“Yes, I'm aware,” You tell him and he grins sheepishly.

In class, Professor Mad-eye Moody shows off the three unforgivable curses, when he casts the Imperius curse on students you're the first to fight it off. It's probably because you're so used to controlling yourself anyway. You fake difficulty and tap-dance across a desk to avoid attracting too much attention.

You don't get to watch the first task, you're too busy helping Madame Pomfrey with prepping the hospital wing. By the time you've finished, the first champion is already in and then it's all hands on deck as champions and students file in. Students, who have lost bets and are disgruntled and champions who have been burned by... Dragons? Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

Harry and Cedric are both warm and polite when you heal them, Viktor Krum just nods but Fleur Delacour and you have issues. You know she can't smell you the second you know you can smell her. Veela. She's a veela, and that's fine by you but you can tell that she's not ok with you. She won't let you anywhere near her and Madame Pomfrey has to take over when you're forced to walk away, pretending like it doesn't sting.

A few days before the second task, you come back from a flight with Fawkes to see people glaring at you as you walk down the halls. You frown, and enter the Great Hall. Maybe you had something weird on your face? Maybe... you were cut off from trying to rationalise peoples odd behaviour when you entered the hall and saw Gabriel's smirking on his face while Adam was shaking with rage. He was stood waiting for you by the door to the hall.

“What's going on?” You ask him bluntly and Adam trembles with rage.

“He told. He told everyone what you were,” Adam says and you body starts to tremble but for a different reason then Adam's. You were afraid. How were you supposed to go into that room when everyone knew what you were?

“He can't have, he can't have told everyone,” You protest. It was impossible for Gabriel to do so, physically impossible for him to talk to everyone.

“He told everyone he could, and they spread it. I... your Lavender spread it too,” He says apologetically, rage burning through him.

“Surely nobody believed him,” You say quietly and Adam glares at the ground, “Adam?”

“I... I got so angry that he'd dare do that to you that... well they had to restrain me and well most people are taking there proof from that,” Adam says apologetically and you hug him tightly to you. You're mad, angry and you wish he hadn't done anything but you also love him so much and you know he needs comfort. He was trying to stand up for you, and you didn't get angry easily, but your whole body was shaking as the two conflicting emotions met inside you.

“Let's go sit with Hermione,” You say quietly and Adam nods.

“If you need me to, if she says something disgusting, I'll hit her too,” Adam promises and you glare at him.

“Adam, that made this mess worse. Don't forget that. Violence is not always the answer, sometimes it is but this time it made everything worse and besides, Hermione's known since third year,” You lecture him and he seems to miss the point.

“How has she known?” He asks.

“She worked it out, too smart for her own good really,” You tell him and he nods. When you get to your seat besides Hermione, her (and you suppose a little bit yours) friends Harry and Ron start talking.

“We know your aren't a vampire,” Harry promises, “It's ridiculous to think you are”

“Yeah, if you were a vampire you'd be super strong!” Ron protests.

“Oh, but your wrong. I am a vampire,” You tell them, faux cheerfulness in your eyes as you flash your fangs. At this stage, with Gabriel already having told everyone and most people believing it, you figure you may as well just own it. At least you'll finally be able to stop worrying about how to move and act. You lock eyes with Professor Dumbledore and quickly scribble a note to him that you ask Fawkes to deliver.

_I'm done hiding._

Professor Dumbledore looks over to you and nods. You stand, taking a deep breath to steady yourself and handle what you're about to do, and then you climb onto your chair. Heads turn immediately and you know that everyone's watching. You cast a sonorous charm easily, and then you take a deep breath.

“So, since my so called brother has so kindly outed me I figured I might as well handle it before further speculation takes place. Yes, I am a vampire. No, I have never harmed even one hair on a person head. I am just a kid who got bitten and now I'm just trying to live my life,” You tell them and you take a deep breath, “Now, have a good day,”

Despite everything, people watched you constantly through out the day. You took a deep breath and tried to smile at everyone as you entered your classroom, the library and the hospital wing. People refused to let you treat them in the hospital wing. However, Madame Pomfrey refused to treat anyone who wouldn't let you just do your job and so most let you and with every wound you healed you hoped it made a difference to what they saw.

Cruel words still followed you where ever you went, Adam stayed with you every moment he could as did Hermione, Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Seamus and Dean. It meant a lot that your friends weren't going to abandon you just because you were a vampire. Fred and George Weasley, Dean, Seamus and you, and Adam, Ginny and Luna also started a prank war against anyone who dared to say anything (which was a lot of people but then most professors turned a blind eye when you got your revenge as no one was hurt). You also overheard Cedric Diggory sticking up for you in the halls. On one occasion, when you were in the library and having a pretty bad day, he just hugged you.

“Why are you hugging a vampire?” You asked teary eyed.

“Because I don't care, your a great person,” Cedric says and then he give you a few more moments before letting go of you and grabbing you a book from the top-shelf.

The worst always came for you at night. Lavender not only spread the rumours but was capable of saying the words that hurt more from her then anyone else. The pranksters in your group had offered various suggestions for how to deal with her but you promised that you could handle her. Of course you never told them how, only Hermione could witness.

“Hermione,” Lavender said one night, “Do restrain your pet,”

You winked and replied with your best flirtatious smile, “Because you'd just love to see me all tied up, wouldn't you Lavender?”

Lavender always went to bed then, her face red and indignant noises escaping her. It was probably bad that every time she tried to insult you, you'd twist it into some kind of empty flirtation. It made you laugh though and feel better for a little while.

Hermione never says anything, just letting you have your moment of satisfaction.

When Professor Mcgonagal announces the yule ball, you decide not to go. You just can't be bothered attending and watching Lavender dance with her new boyfreind and you just don't want the hassle. Hermione tries gently, at first, to encourage you to go. That's when she hatches a plan you can't possibly say no to.

“Luna can't go unless a fourth year accompanies her. Everyone else has a date. You aren't seriously going to make her miss this, are you?” Hermione asks, phushing Luna in front of her. Luna looks at you with a hopeful expression on her dreamy face and you sigh.

You say you'll take her to the ball despite how much hassle you feel it will be just for some lights, music and dancing. You know you have to dress up a little for the ball (Adam would kill you if you didn't since a Y/L/N must always make an effort) so you practice various transfigurations on your quill until you get it into a dress you could stand to wear.

When you make a red satin dress with a slightly lower neckline and thigh cuts, you her Lavender mutter that if you wore that she might actually loose her mind. Of course this has absolutely no influence on you wearing it the night of the Yule ball (it does, it's the whole reason you wear it). Lavender gulps and you wink at her but she quickly turns away leading her date into the ball.

Luna and you have a lot of fun dancing and talking. Fawkes makes an apperances in your midst and Luna smiles delightedly and very soon Fawkes has a new friend for life since Luna is completely enraptured.

Luna leaves with him an hour and a half later, and you can only shrug when Fawkes gives you a look as if to say, do you want me to come back? You would've nodded but he just looked so contented that you just sighed and waved him away.

You look around and find that you're one of a very few people still at the ball. Lavender's here but her date isn't. You frown, willing yourself not to do this but your body takes over.

“Do you want to dance?” You ask, offering your hand to her, she looks at you as if you've gained a second head.

“You aren't serious, are you?” Lavender asks, a mixture of emotions in her voice.

“I am. It'll be the last dance in a moment and neither of us have anyone to ance with, it makes sense to dance together,” You say with a shrug, “Of course if you don't want to...” You continue, pulling your hand away slowly.

“I-I didn't say that,” Lavednder protests, looking down at her feet. You wave your hand in front of her face and she takes it slowly, hesitantly. She looks around as if trying to gauge if she needs to jump away from you or if this... if this is ok.

“I can't believe I'm dancing with a vampire,” Lavender mutters as you slide a hand around her wait and her hand finds your shoulder.

“I can't believe I'm dancing with someone rude enough to mention it,” You parry. You spin her out an then bring her back close to you again. Lavender looks at the ground, blushing.

“Sorry,” She apologises.

“It's fine, just don't do it again,” You say, drawing her closer and gently tilting her head up so she's looking at you. Lavender blushes again and you realise it's for a different reason than before. You smile and the blush deepens.

“You look beautiful,” Lavender tells you and you smile.

“You look even more beautiful tonight,” You reply and it feels bold but the words escape you and you really don't care anymore. People already glare at you and hurtle abuse, you doubt it would hurt you too much to face yet another rejection.

“Y/N...” Lavender starts but trails off.

“It's good to hear my name again,” You tell her. If your heart could beat, it would be beating a million times a second right now but your bodies is as incapable of making your heart beat as it is of blushing. Thinking about your vampirism in front of Lavender normally makes you pull away from her but this time is different, because SHE KNOWS AND SHE'S STILL DANCING WITH YOU!

The music stops and Lavender looks at you expectantly, but this is enough tonight.

“Goodnight Lavender,” You tell her softly and then you are running at the full speed your vampirism allows you back to your dorm.

“Have fun in the end?” Hermione asks sleepily.

“Lots,” You tell her and she smiles before slipping back off to sleep. You don't fake sleep anymore, so you walk straight to the window to read your book. When Lavender comes in she doesn't say anything, which probably shouldn't feel like a victory akin to single-handily winning the Quidditch world cup but does because she doesn't make any snide remarks.

You go to see Madame Pomfrey the morning of the second task. Together you prep the Hospital wing but with your advanced speed the normally hours long task is done in an hour. With a shrug, she dismisses you and sends you to watch the second task with your friends and your brother. You smile and thank her.

You settle on a bench next to Adam, but try as you might you can't locate Hermione or Ron. Your friends start taking bets, although quietly since they know Harry didn't want this but it's Hogwarts and gambling is part of the fun. You block them out, scanning around for your friends. You stand up, trying to get a good look at the top stands which is why you've no defence when people starts attacking you. You don't know for how long it lasts, or who does it only that it hurts. You are stood, imobolised by pain as your friends try to stand up for you. Your not sure who uses cruciartious curse, only that it light every nerve ending inside you on fire. Perhaps, you'd have been able to pass out from the pain if it wasn't for the fact that vampires are completely incapable of it. Instead you're aware of every single moment even as you scramble for a place to hide in the back of your mind. The new torrents of pain are ceased when Professor Dumbledore casts a shielding charm, he starts to scream with rage at the students as your friends lift you and carry you to the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey won't let you see the list of curses, hexes and jinxes used on you. Despite your pouting, she refuses and you sigh as she starts to try and undo as much of the damage as she can. You sigh when even a little bit of your pain is eased.

“Miss Y/L/N, if I could find and punish even one of the people responsible for this I would tell Filch to get the chains,” Madame Pomfrey tells you, a fire in her eyes.

“I'm a vampire Madame,” You remind her and she rolls her eyes.

“It doesn't matter to me! They don't know you, not at all. I know you! I know you spend every free moment healing or learning more about to heal. You do everything you can to help people, your one of the best people I've ever met and I've seen how as you get older that good spark in you just grows and grows and grows. To do this... monsters. Anyone who took part in this is a monster,” Madame Pomfrey tells you, her hands tremble, and you reach out and steadies the shaking, “I need you to know that I'll always support you,”

“Thank you,” You tell her quietly.

“No, thank you for everything you've done for the students and me,” Madame Pomfrey finishes, before walking away, both of you knowing that she needs to let your body heal by itself for a little while.

Your brothers visit the hospital wing. Not just Adam, but Adam **and Gabriel.** You tense up at first, unsure of why Gabriel is here and then he cries. Gabriel starts to cry.

“I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I've been the worst brother and I'm so sorry. I know you need time but please, tell me that one day you'll forgive me?” Gabriel begs, resisting the urge to hug you but you see the way his arms reach out to you.

“I already have forgiven you, I don't care about the past. I've missed you, but you won't get a second chance to screw up Gabriel, so you have to be careful,” You demand and he nods.

“I will be, I'm sorry,” He cries.

“Come here,” You order and he burrows into your arms.

Adam makes his way to you and places his hand on your shoulder.

“How are you doing?” Adam asks.

“Painfully aware of everything,” You answer truthfully and Adam winces.

“Can't Madame Pomfrey give you a sleeping draught?” He asks.

“Sleeping draughts don't work on vampires,” You answer, with a lame chuckle.

“Ah... of course. Is there anything I can do?” Adam asks running his hand through your hair.

“Distract me?” You ask and he nods.

Your brothers stay late into the night, Adam and Gabriel taking sleep shifts. On one where Adam is sleeping you ask Gabriel what you really need to know.

“Why did you do it?” You ask and Gabriel sighs.

“I could only see that you were dead, that you were never going to be the same. I only saw the vampire and not you. I hated all vampires, but then you were one and I couldn't have you as one. I needed you to be dead so I could keep this black and white but when I saw you on the ground and I was scared and angry I knew you were still there. Being a vampire... every vampire is just someone living a little differently but they are still the same just with different bodies. I'm sorry it took me so long,” Gabriel says reaching out to you.

“Do you still hate all vampires?” You ask him quietly.

“No, I hate the one that did this to you though,” Gabriel tells you.

“I don't,” You tell him and he looks at you with confusion.

“Why?” He asks.

“I don't think she really had a choice. What she did... it's been hard to be ok, but I'm alive Gabriel and I don't mind living like this. The life I wanted won't be mine but I'm meeting people I love and who love me regardless of who I am. Besides, I can finally beat Adam in a foot race so...” You say with a shrug and Gabriel looks at you.

“What about the people who hurt you now, do you hate them?” He asks.

“They're scared, there's no excuse for what they did and they should be punished but I don't hate them even if I'm not having particularly fond thoughts about them,” You tell him.

“How do you just... how do you just forgive, everyone?” Gabriel asks and you smile.

“Practice,” You admit, “Besides, it's too much to carry the hate in my heart. It gets to be too much if I do,”

“Your kind of amazing,” Your brother says, “I hate them,”

“Well I hope that one day you let go of that, it won't help you,” You tell him and he frowns.

“Why do you say that?” He asks and you smile.

“If you completely dismiss an enemy to hate then you miss working out why and doom someone else to the same fate,” You tell him.

“How can you fight if you don't hate?” He asks.

“You find another reason, like love or belief in the idea that something else will be better,” You tell him and he nods. Adam slowly wakes and you smile, pressing a kiss to Gabriel's temple, “Go to sleep Gabriel,”

“Yes ma'am,” He mutters sarcastically, but falls asleep almost instantly.

Madame Pomfrey casts more counters the next morning, but then you ask to be excused. You don't say anything, but you know she knows why when she does a diagnostic and finds your hunger. She makes you promise to come back after and you smile and promise you will. Your brothers escort you in a levitating wheel chair to Headmaster Dumbledore's office where you say the password. They move to follow but you tell them to wait.

The headmaster's desk is unusually empty, but you find a note on his desk.

_Y/N,_

_I have to go to London to see if anything can be done to catch those responsible for the heinous crimes committed at the second task. Your blood is in the third draw of my desk. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'll be back as soon as I can._

_I'm so sorry,_

_Albus_

You grab your blood and head over to where you see chains. You let them do their job of securing you, before you drink and then they tip you out after a minute. You accidentally push your wheelchair away, and hit the ground hard. Great. Numerous wounds protest your attempt to move and you curse them all.

“Y/N?” A voice calls and you look up.

“What are you doing here Lavender?” You ask quietly.

“I needed to talk to the Professor, I though perhaps I might have seen something. Are you ok?” Lavender ask and you sigh.

“I can't get back to the wheelchair,” You admit and she lifts you as much as she can, dragging the wheelchair over and with tremendous effort getting you back in. She looks around and sees the chains.

“What's this?” Lavender asks and you sigh.

“Normally Professor Dumbledore is here but when he's not I still need to feed and I can't risk harming anyone,” You admit, “I.. I have to go,”

You get out of the hospital a day or two later. When you reach the Great Hall, you ignore the starring and instead just take a seat besides Hermione, surrounded by your friends and your brothers, who's hands are shaking with rage.

“What's up?” You ask quietly. You see her try to hide the paper and with your advanced speed and strength you pull it from her before she can get it away. Rita Skeeter names you as a creature, as well as Hagrid and Professor Lupin. You read it and then just give a smaller sigh.

“You ok?” Ron asks.

“I'm ok,” You say with a small sigh, “Is this the only one?”

“No, she accused me of being in love with Victor and cheating on Harry,” Hermione tells you and you frown. Harry and Hermione are entirely platonic.

“Are you ok?” You ask.

“Owls have been sending me hate mail, but other then that...” Hermione offers.

“Do I have any?” You ask and your brothers grimace, pulling out a pile of letters.

“I'm going to burn these,” Gabriel promises and you frown.

“No, don't do that. We could use this,” You tell him and he frowns.

“How?” Gabriel asks and you frown.

“These inks, they'll make some different colours if we set them alight. We could do it like a firework. Blow them up,” You offer and the Weasley twins grin.

“We can do that! Seamus, I think this is your area of expertise,” Fred (or maybe George) says and Seamus grins.

“This is going to be fun,” Seamus says with a smile.

Later in the library, you tell Cedric the plan and he offers you his broom knowing Seamus doesn't have one, you thank him and he smiles, 'make it a good one' is all he says and you smile. Later, you have to admit, that when you flew with the boys firing their modified spell at bundles of hate mail, it was one of the most fun thing you'd ever done and was indeed a good one. You'd open the rest of the letters later, and read them maybe, but for tonight you let them be a shower of multicoloured sparks that light up one side of the Gryffindor tower.

You're in the Hospital Wing when Hermione is pulled in. You smell it straight away, and pull a suitable burn potion from the shelf, Madame Pomfrey gives you a sharp look as she performs an assessment only to report back what you already know.

“Sorry Madame, vampire senses,” You explain and she shakes her head wordlessly but let's you continue on with your duties before sending you away to Herbology after Hermione makes a comment abut whether she's allowed to go.

It seems that seeing her friend once again performing her duties as Madame Pomfrey's assistant lights a spark inside her, because she quickly work out that your knowledge could prove useful to Harry. When she asks, it's clear she won't stop at asking you to get knowledge but you feel yourself being trapped in an impossible position. Wounds can and should only ever be treated by a professional and you didn't want Madame Pomfrey to think that your role in the Hospital Wing meant nothing to you. If she stopped teaching you then one of the few things that kept you going would be taken as well as her friendship. You finally formed a conclusion and went to Madame Pomfrey to make the request.

“Madame, I have a friend trying to learn healing. If I don't help him, don't give him any guidance he will still try to continue leaning and I thought that perhaps a few simple healing spells I could teach him would be best. I just... would it be ok?” You ask her and she frowns, you know that she's considering and then she sighs.

“I don't think you can stop Mr Potter or Miss Granger and some guidance is better than none. Please, make sure they practice both wand movements and pronunciation very carefully before trying on perhaps a medical dummy. Here, I can get you one,” Madame Pomfrey says, and you smile.

“Thanks Madame,” You say with a smile and she smiles back at you.

“Be careful, and thank you for telling me,” Madame Pomfrey says sand you nod your agreement, “Now go,”

“I can help for longer,” You offer and Madame Pomfrey shakes her head.

“No, for a while I am removing you from any and all duties. Focus on your friend and teaching him, I have managed this hospital wing without you for decades and I am perfectly capable of doing it again,” Madame Pomfrey says and you smile, hugging her quickly before sprinting away.

Despite the fact that you'd only signed up to teach Harry a few medical spells, once he had mastered them you found yourself sticking around to teach him something different. Defence. You'd read many books on it and practised them over the Summer with your parents and Adam. Duelling ran in your family, and your mother had thought it best to teach you due to the nature of her job and the huge amounts of risks she had to take accompanied by the dozens of wixes who held vendettas against her.

You wouldn't say you are a good teacher, but you're knowledgeable and good at leading by example. It probably helps that Harry truly wants to learn and you truly need to teach him in the hopes that he'll stay safe.

You offer to teach Cedric too, but he smiles and explains that already has learned spells and that he had specific tactics for what he wants to do. You smile when he invites you to study with him though and the two of you share a table, working diligently side by side.

You don't watch the third task despite it being the most important. You'll make sure both Harry and Cedric know you supported them and wanted to help him when you see him in the Hospital Wing. Right now, you only want to help Madame Pomfrey with the Hospital Wing and catch up with her. The worry you feel in your chest is lessened by your action and when Madame Pomfrey rests a hand on your shoulder your burden is lessened. Fleur is the first admitted to the Hospital Wing, closely followed by Victor Krum.

You both work separately on your patients. Fleur has some nasty cuts, and you are thankful she's unconscious since it makes it easier to clean them before dressing. The rest of her cuts are shallower but less dangerous, you clean them too and then finding the right salve you rub the burn lotion into her chest. Then there's nothing to do but wait. You turn to see if Madame Pomfrey could use any assistance when a voice calls out to you.

“Vampire, you healed me?” Fleur asks and you wince.

“Yes,” You tell her quietly, hoping that the harsh tirade will be over soon.

“Why?” Fleur asks, and you raise an eyebrow. This was not what you expected.

“Because you needed it,” You tell her quietly.

“Thank you,” Fleur says after a long pause, “I fear I have treated you most horribly when you are perhaps a better person than I,”

“I forgive you, now I have to go. You should probably rest a little longer,” You tell her and Fleur closes her eyes without question and you nod quietly to yourself. Fleur is in the same bed Hermione was in second year, you realise and then it hits you and you are almost blown over when you work it out.

“MADAME I HAVE TO GO!” You yell, panicking and Madame Pomfrey jumps but you are already running tracking the scent. Hermione and Rons stop you as you try to pass them.

“Is Harry ok?”Ron asks and you curse as it hits you that perhaps the impostor has Harry.

“GET DUMBLEDORE! HARRY'S IN DANGER, TELL HIM TO FIND MOODY!” You yell as you run, leaving them baffled as you run after the scent. Your outside Professor Moody's classroom, and kicking the door open seconds later.

“STUPEFY!” You yell, lightning fast instincts all you have and yet they seem to be enough when the man falls to the floor. Harry looks up from his chair as you finally take in the scene before you, “He was an impostor,”

"So... you saved me?,” Harry asks and you nod, moving to help him with his leg before you hear footsteps and you freeze. You were not made for being a hero, you were made for quietly healing people.

“I wasn't here,” You tell him and he looks at you confused, before you're darting away, back to the Hospital Wing. A sight greets you that you weren't prepared for, weren't ever prepared to see.

The stench is what finds your nostrils and your stomach clenches. You can already smell him starting to decompose while regular people won't for a long time yet. Your whole body trembles as you dig for the boy beneath the scent. Cedric. Your frozen, knowing that he's dead. He's dead. You can't do anything for him, you can't fight for his life, he's just dead.

“VAMPIRE! TURN MY SON! BRING HIM BACK! BEING HIM BACK GOD DAMMIT!” A man yells, the father. Your whole body shakes.

“There's nothing I can do,” You say apologetically, “I'm so sorry,”

“Turn him! Just turn him!” The man yells and screams are building inside you but you silence yourself even as you remember the way you were hurt all those years ago. You can't turn Cedric and you wouldn't without his expressed permission, not when it was taken from you all those years back. If you could've chosen death you would've, you'd never go through the hate from your brother, the looks of detest the pain. The pain. You whole body is trembling as you start to remember what you felt, how it all happened.

_There was a shuffling sound in your room, followed by the slightest creak. Shush, you told yourself, it isn't real. It isn't real. Please, don't be real._

_The night noises had followed you for weeks. No matter how many times you'd complained your parents had never found the cause of the sound.'Go back to sleep' they'd always whisper, 'there's nothing there'. It was easy to dismiss it all as the fretting of a small child but the noises were gaining frequency, getting more and more often every night. You couldn't sleep any more, the sounds were burning into your brain infecting your dreams whenever you managed even a meagre few moments. Sometimes you would wake, certain that something had touched you and yet never able to see. Bed-time was one of your greater fears, because you were trapped in that room for hours on end, all alone with the monsters._

_There was a new noise tonight, a sound almost like sadistic chuckling but so quiet that you were struggling to hear it over the pounding of your heart. You bunched your knees up to your chest, trying not to cry. You were too old. Your parents were so close. Nothing could hurt you. Please, let nothing hurt me, you begged from the cold unforgiving night._

_There was a noise, like a tap on your window and your tears finally broke free. You couldn't look. If you looked you'd be hurt. You had to pretend it was nothing. Nothing was going on. No, you didn't have to pretend. It was nothing. You were safe. You gritted your teeth and turned your head. The window was closed. There was nothing there, nothing at all except a quizzical owl.You smiled at it,_

_and then a hand fell on your shoulder._

_The closet door had been opened, but your eyes continued past._

_A woman shrouded in black robes looked over to you, she hadn't been looking, but at your movement she turned her head slowly and flashed you a sinister smile._

_You broke free,instincts taking over as you ran for your door. Your parents would save you._

_Then she slammed you to the floor, shoving you against the hard boards of your room. You tried to scream but her hand slammed into your mouth. You bit down and heard her laugh._

“ _I believe that's my job, little one,” The woman whispered and then_

_she dropped on top of you, heaVily, forcing you into the ground. her body pressed Against you. Maybe it'll be over quickly, you hoPed as teeth sunk Into your neck and you closed your eyes. teaRs escaped and you waited for the End. your heart beat frantically, and then you felt it STOP._

_it hurt so bad it was as if the organ had been torn from you still bloody and beating._

_something wet was slipped before you as a new pounding sound started up._

“ _Drink,” The woman ordered and you gasped as you felt it flowing through you, easing your pain. You didn't care about what it was until the door was flung open, and light streamed in through the open door. Gabriel screamed for your mother and she appeared almost instantly. The woman in black laughed at the anguished expression on your mother's face before running and throwing herself into the night, escaping her crime._

“Y/N! Y/N!” Someone yells, strong, feminine arms are wrapped around you. Everything seems taller for a moment until you realise that you're on the ground. Your bodies shuddering and someone rocks you over and over.

“Is... is everyone OK?” You ask, scared, everyone's eyes are on you and you can't see her. You can't see her. Where's Madame Pomfrey?

“I'm right here, it's ok. Everyone's ok,” She promises, and then you roll away.

“I... I'm sorry. I have to go,” You apologise, and then your out of the door, running a fast as you can. You need something different. Need somewhere to be. Somewhere no one can follow you and then everyone's safe.

Your waist deep in the Black Lake before you know what your doing and then your heading out further, it gets deeper with every footstep, and then with one final footstep you're pulled under. You flip round and then your swimming, deeper and deeper. You aren't afraid. Water holds no dangers, save those from magical creatures, you can't drown and you are more than capable of handling yourself. You swim down, further and further until you hit the deepest part of the lake, past the grindilows, past the merman and deeper still.

Wordlessly, you try to cast the time checking spell. You manage on your third try, and discover that it's 2 a.m. It's taken you four hours to hit the very bottom. You push yourself up, swimming slowly but surely up. You pull yourself out of the water and stare up at the sky, only to be startled by a small scream.

“Good morning,” You greet Lavender, as though everything is normal.

“What were you doing?” Lavender asks.

“Flying through the air, butt naked,” You say sarcastically, as you press water from your chest. Just because you don't need to breath doesn't mean your body didn't still take water into you.

“How did we get like this?” Lavender asks, quietly, taking a seat besides you.

“Well I don't know about you but when a mummy and daddy love each other very much, they make a mistake,” You tell her self-deprecatingly.

“We used to be close,” Lavender points out.

“I used to be a baby. Lot's of things used to be like something else,” You say cruelly and Lavender flinches back, before standing and walking away.

You watch her, and you can't find it in you to blame her. If you could walk away from you, you'd leave too. You feel toxic. Lavender was trying, but you were breaking apart. You were like a knife, one that couldn't be dulled. You stared up at the sky, hating yourself as you lay stiller than any stone.

Cedric Diggory, the kind boy you were on the way to considering a friend was dead. He was dead and you didn't even get a chance to try and fight for his life. You couldn't do anything.

Professor Dumbledore explains what happened. Cedric was murdered by Voldermort. You aren't afraid to think his name, nor say it. You are so done with everything and you are so angry and burnt out.

Harry tells you that Alistair Moody was a fake, a death eater in disguise. Once you'd stunned him, Professors Snape, Mcgonagal and Dumbledore showed up and took a confession from him. You aren't really surprised anymore. You just nod and then leave.

You ride home alone. At the very back of the train where no one dares to go. Fawkes seems to be panicking but you ignore him. You throw him out and he stares at you indignant.

“Just go,” You tell him, face and voice emotionless. You friend sqwarks worriedly, but he flies away from you and back towards Hogwarts.

When you arrive on the platform, your father is already waiting for you. Silence is all you greet him with. He apparates you home, a nervous smile on his face, but you are lost to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, sorry for killing Cedric - I'm trying to stay mostly true to cannon but if you think that there's someone who could and should be saved, let me know.
> 
> Also, anything else about the chapter you want to say I'll appreciate. Criticism is always welcome because I always want to approve.
> 
> Next chapter will come as scheduled Saturday.
> 
> Thanks for reading,
> 
> Hugo


	9. Before 5th Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You aren't coping well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Depression
> 
> I always think it's important to write characters with depression since it's something that can affect everyone and I've seen it be ignored a lot in teenagers because 'they're too young and must be joking' so... yeah.
> 
> Anyway, tomorrow I promise it will get better for you if you just wait a little bit,

Fawkes taps nervously on your window. Your eyes waver from your book to your calendar. It's your birthday. You note the date, and then look back at the book. Fawkes keeps tapping insistently at your window. You role over and shove your head under your pillow. The tapping doesn't stop, and instead is joined by a persistent knocking sound at your door.

“It's your birthday,” Gabriel calls through your door, his voice contorted to sound joyful even though this is the fifth time he's tried to get you out all Summer. There's no one here to call out anymore. He's just talking to a door, “Please come out,”

Your mum threatened to break the door down, then she tried to apparate inside but you've put up wards against them. The only person who managed to get in was Auntie but the moment she did you placed up even stronger wards that you only took down to get blood and your potions for the week. Owls have battered at your window over and over, but you never open it. Your curtains are closed and you haven't bothered opening them. Eventually, the owls stopped coming, but Fawkes didn't. Every few days he's at your window tapping against it over and over like mores code. He never get's a reply.

You sink deeper into your bed, pulling the covers over your head and hiding. Your family haven't stopped trying. They bang outside your door over and over but you can't find the energy to even tell them to go away. You wait for it all to stop. You have to give them credit, they're really trying this morning but they won't get anywhere with it. Eventually, it stops. You pick your book back up and finish reading it for the fourteenth time.

You make your way out of your room for the first time that Summer on the 1st of September, you were going to be going back to Hogwarts. You parents look at you, trying to question you but being greeted only by silence. Arms wrap around you, Adam's first and then Gabriel's. They are crying, desperate sounding, but you are silent. Finally, your mum apparates you away and you find yourself stood on the platform to Hogwarts.

“I love you,” She tells you, “I love you so much,”

You wait for her to finish. Her eyes fill with pain at your lack of response and you don't know how to take it away anymore than she knows how to get through to you. Eventually, you walk away, trunk in hand. You make your way to the very back where no one goes. There's no compartments, nothing. Fawkes appears, and he looks at you imploringly, but you just close your eyes. He pecks you, but you don't react. He tries everything he can all the way to Hogwarts and yet you never react.


	10. 5th year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolores Umbridge has come to Hogwarts, and you're battling a separate war of your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Continued depression but I promise that it gets better.
> 
> If anyone's struggling right now, please know it will get better. It takes time but it does. People like the Samaritans can help you if you need it.
> 
> Take care,
> 
> Hugo
> 
> PS. See you next week :)

Your feet bypass the carriages that are supposed to carry you to school. They're pointless, since you can out run them anyway. You don't bother heading to the Great Hall, you don't eat and besides, you don't want to see anyone. You wander aimlessly until you end up outside the Hospital Wing. You push the door open, but it's empty. There's no one to treat. You listen and hear the quite sound of footsteps pacing. You walk towards them, and see a familiar face. Madame Pomfrey.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” She asks quietly, and you can only look at her.

“Should I go?” You ask quietly, your voice is rusty from misuse all Summer and the sound makes Madame Pomfrey almost flinch.

“No. Stay,” Madame Pomfrey orders, “Would you like your birthday present? There was something wrong with the owls, it never seemed to get through even when your friend Fawkes tried,”

“I'm Ok,” You say but she already has her present in hand. She pushes it towards you and you look at it blankly, before gently pulling it open. It was a book on even more advanced medical healing, “Thank you,”

“No problem. Come on, I need some help restocking the potions stores,” Madame Pomfrey says and wordlessly you follow her over to the cauldrons and start brewing.

Eventually, you head to your dorms, all potions have been brewed and by now everyone should be asleep. Your dorm is in the same place as always, but you hear a slight noise from inside. You open the door, and see that Hermione is waiting on the bed that your trunk is in front of. You watch her, and she looks at you.

“Hi,” You say lamely, there's nothing to say. You just need something to free you from her intense eyes. Hermione bristles, her eyes flaming and you let out a loud sigh.

“HI!” She roars, “I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU ALL SUMMER AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS HI!”

A pillow flies from a bed and smacks her in the face. You both turn to Parvati.

“Shush, not so loud. People are trying to sleep,” Parvati mutters.

“What she said,” Lavender agrees, but while Parvati falls back to sleep you hear that Lavender's still awake and listening intently.

“Yes. I'm going to go now, good night,” You say quietly and then you turn and leave the dorm, you hear Hermione start to run towards you and you want to run but you can't. A body tries to tackle you and you sigh when you hear a thump, “Word of advice don't run into a vampire, it's like hitting a brick wall,”

“Yeah I can tell,” Hermione moans, her nose is bloodied. You bend down and fix it, and then turn to leave but her hand wraps around your wrist.

“Hermione,” You say, your voice coming out as a bored drawl.

“Stay,” She orders.

“Why?” You ask quietly.

“Because your my friend, and your scaring me. Please, stay,” Hermione begs and you kneel next to her. Hermione's eyes are desperate, your fingers find the hand that's wrapped around your wrist and you gently pull it away.

“No,” You tell her and then you're running, sprinting away. You head to the place where no one will bother you. The black lake. You sink into the water, filling your pockets with rocks and then you just lay still as it pulls you under.

When you resurface hours later, you find yourself looking into familiar grey eyes.

“Lavender,” You greet, pulling the stones from your pockets and throwing them to the lake.

“Why go in there?” She asks quietly, but you just stroll away without answering.

Professor Mcgonagal gives out students timetables every year, on the dot, at 8:45 on the 2nd of September in the Great Hall and that's why you find yourself sat at the edge of the table, waiting expectantly for the timetable. You feel their eyes on you, Lavender, Hermione and Professor Dumbledore's, but you don't say anything ignoring everyone until the timetable is placed in your hand and then you are gone so fast that it's like you were never there at all.

You have DADA first period, you get there right on time and file into the classroom behind your classmates. You claim a chair in the back corner where no one can see you without turning there heads considerably. Your about to take your seat when a woman dressed in a garish pink colour and looking like a toad orders you to your feet and into a desk in the centre of the room. You follow obediently despite your gut wondering what would happen if you didn't, just didn't move.

You scoff out loud when she tells you that there will be no need for wands. She glares at you and you roll your eyes unperturbed by her.

“Name?” The woman says and you look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Who are you?” You ask and she frowns.

“I'm Professor Umbridge, and I've heard quiet enough about you. Professor Dumbledore's pet bloodsucker right?” She asks, using the slur and waiting for a reaction.

“I've heard about you too Professor, Corneliaus Fudge's pet toad. Right?” You answer back, tone flat and entirely deadpan. You hear several chocked laughs but your more interested in the woman before you tightens her hands into fists and you smile.

“I serve our Minister of Magic Corneliaus Fudge, that is correct, bloodsucker” Professor Umbridge says and you smirk. Hermione Granger takes over, questioning Professor Umbridge on the banning of the use of wands. You tune her answer out until she tells you that Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident and your body shakes with anger. Harry explodes first, and she sends him out to see Professor Mcgonagal. You're on your feet a second later.

“Where do you think your going bloodsucker,” The toad asks and you smile.

“Anywhere else. I can already tell your lessons going to be a complete joke,” You tell her, throwing your book into the trash-can by her desk.

“BLOODSUCKER!” She yells and you start walking out of the class. You grit your teeth.

“OI! BLOODSUCKER! I'M TALKING TO YOU!” Professor Umbridge yells.

“WHAT'S THE MATTER TOAD? YOU RUN OUT OF FLIES?” You yell back twice as furiously and she flinches back for a moment, stunned and then she summons one word.

“That's it! Detention,” She orders.

“I won't be attending,” You promise, and then you fling the door into the wall and run up to the Hospital Wing where you can treat students in peace.

Madame Pomfrey makes you tell her why you're here, and so you do in as much detail as possible. Your surprised when she laughs out loud and doesn't even attempt to remand you.

“I wish I was a student. I'd have a few choice words for her if I was,” Madame Pomfrey says and you look at her questioningly.

“Why?” You ask and she frowns.

“That... that...” Madame Pomfrey starts searching for the right word.

“Toad?” You suggest and she nods.

“That toad has the audacity to try and tell me how to treat students I've been treating students for decades and what? She's read a book once and thinks that she's somehow an expert?” Madame Pomfrey almost yells.

“I can yell at her for you if you want?” You offer and Madame Pomfrey smiles.

“No, I suspect you're already in enough trouble as it is,” She says with a sigh.

“Maybe,” You agree and she smiles, shaking her head.

You go back to the lake that night, swimming under the water and searching for the bottom. When you resurface at dawn Lavender's waiting.

“See anything interesting?” Lavender asks.

“Not particularly,” You say and walk away.

Your first meeting with Professor Dumbledore is short. He tries to get something out of you but you can't give anything. Fawkes flies to you and you pet him instinctively but your almost silent still. He bites at you worriedly, but you can't get out from behind the walls.

“Why is toad teaching?” You ask and Professor Dumbledore has a mixture of happiness and anger on his face. You imagine that he's glad to hear you speak but angry at toad.

“Cornelius believes I am creating an army of Hogwarts students. He thinks I want to be the minister of magic, it is the fault of most men in power, they don't know who to trust and who not to. I have no interest in the Ministry, I am happy with looking after and nurturing great minds like yours Miss Y/L/N,” He explains and you nod.

“Can I have my blood now?” You ask and he hands it over to you wordlessly. You gulp it down and don't feel even the slightest need to move and search out more.

“Congratulations,” Professor Dumbledore says and you nod quietly, and then stand and leave. He calls after you, but you pretend not to hear.

You don't bother with going to another DADA lesson, and you don't bother talking to anyone except Madame Pomfrey and the necessary conversations with Professor Dumbledore. Fawkes flies to you often trying to get you to let him in but you can't.

Lavender seems to be following you about school and yet you can't be sure. When you're in the Libary you're too. She's taller than you, and she keeps grabbing your books from the top shelf and handing them down. You wonder briefly if she's trying to get you to tutor her but then you walk away again. You get the sense she's forgiven you, because she keeps trying to be friendly and kind to you, but you can't let her in so she's wasting her time.

Hermione tracks you down when you're in the Hospital Wing and forces you to talk to her just a little.

“I don't know what I've done to make you hate me but we need to learn defence and I need you to come with me,” Hermione tells you.

“I don't hate you,” You say quietly.

“Then who do you hate? What's stopped you talking to me? Your my best-friend Y/N! Why the hell haven't we talked?” Hermione asks and you can't give her the answers but you think them in your head. Me, I hate me. I know your better off without me. So that's why we haven't talked.

“I've been busy,” You lie and Hermione frowns.

“That's such a load of bullshit. Meet me at the Hogs Head this Hogmeads weekend,” Hermione orders, she doesn't normally swear, but you know she's scared for you and the knowledge makes you feel guilty and sick.

“I'll be there,” You promise, and then you hug her, really quickly before letting her go. She stares at you and you stare back. You don't know what you're doing anymore but you hope it helps her even if it's just a little bit.

You spend another night in the lake, when you come back up Lavender's waiting once again, something stops you from just walking straight past her and you sigh.

“Good morning,” You call to her.

“Good morning, did you have a good night?” Lavender asks.

“It was Ok,” You says honestly, “What about you?”

“I had a really weird dream. I was trapped in Professor Umbridge's lesson and then a Phoneix rescued me,” Lavender tells you and you nod.

“Weird,” You agree, “You could just distract her by hurtling a jar of flies into the room,”

Lavender laughs, and you feel a small smile on your face before you continue on.

Students show up to the Hogs Head. You sit at the bar, preferring the distance. You know who some of them are though, you can smell them. The twins, Fred and George, their friend Lee Jordan, their sister Ginny, Ginny's boyfriend Michael Corner, Lavender, Parvati, Parvati's sister Padma, Luna, Neville, Seamus and Dean. As well as Harry, Hermione and Ron. The golden trio. You sip your butterbeer, waiting for it all too be over.

You wait for everyone to be gone before you approach the table. Hermione seems disappointed, and she glares at the paper like it personally offended her.

“What it do to you?” You ask quietly and Hermione's head whips around so fast that you almost want to try to treat her for whip-lash.

“You're here!” Hermione shouts.

“Of course I am, I promised, didn't I?” You ask, signing your name on the list. Hermione's eyes observe you curiously, but you don't look up until you have to hand back the Quill.

“Eat with me tonight,” She orders and you sigh.

“I think I have homework,” You lie, excusing yourself.

“No, you don't. Eat with me tonight, I miss you,” Hermione begs and you frown.

“Ok,” You finally say and she hugs you tightly.

When you sit down besides her, you struggle to keep a conversation flowing. It's hard to talk, you've barely done any in so long. Hermione doesn't stop you speaking though, and she works hard to keep the conversation going. You don't laugh at her jokes but your smile gets a little bigger each time she makes one and you hope that's enough for right now.

Dinner is going better than you thought it would, until a brown screech owl lands in front of you. You have two detentions, one for skipping classes and one for the rude way you spoke to her. She glares at you expectantly, as Hermione reads over your shoulder. You climb on top of the bench, glaring daggers at Professor Umbridge and then you incendio her note.

“IS MY RESPONSE CLEAR ENOUGH YET?” You yell to her, “OR SHOULD I SEND A HOWLER? I'M NOT DOING YOUR STUPID DETENTIONS TOAD FACE!”

There is silence in the Great Hall, and then chuckles break out. Quiet at first and then getting louder. Professor Umbridge turns an even more disgusting shade of pink then her jumpers and marches towards you.

“MY. OFFICE. NOW,” Professor Umbridge orders.

“Na,” You smirk at her and she frowns. She inches away from you when she lunges. You jump backwards off the bench, letting her crash into the table.

“Catch me if you can!” You say with a wink, and smiles darting back just a little every time Umbridge lunges until with one huge laugh you disappear from her completely.

It's hard to know who realises first, Fawkes, Madame Pomfrey or Hermione. Madame Pomfrey is the first to confront you with it while Hermione has been subtly trying to help you for far longer.

“Y/N... how long have you been depressed?” She asks and you want to run, but your feet won't let you and neither will Fawkes when he swoops in, his feet keeping you planted on the floor. You let a tear slip as Madame Pomfrey hugs you tightly to her. You can't bring yourself to answer her.

Madame Pomfrey notifies both your parents, Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Mcgonagal since you're considered a high risk patient. Fawkes refuses to leave you except to send letters between you, your parents and your brothers. They send you so much love in each and everyone of their letters that you find yourself in floods of tears often. Lavender finds you a few times, she doesn't say anything just hugging you. Neither of you ever speak of it, never acknowledge that you were there.

You have to speak to Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore once a week. You know it's therapy and you're tempted to skip it but you don't get a choice when Madame Pomfrey makes it a conditions of helping out in the Hospital Wing. Healing is all you want to do and so you go to each and every one.

You can't disappear at meal times any more. Hermione makes sure of that, as does professor Mcgonagal. You talk to Hermione more and more and then she whispers it in your ear.

“I know your secret,” She tells you, and you wait for rejection but she doesn't reject you she just hugs you and tells you that she loves you, that she'll always be here for you. You cry into her shoulder and she hugs you even tighter, glaring at anyone who dares to look until you can finally breath again.

You head out in the evenings with Fawkes. You apologise to him but he just showers you with his affections until you know that he loves you. He offers you everything he can and you smile and kiss the top of his head gently.

Professor Dumbledore teaches you about Animagus and how they can escape emotions and often be happier when they shift into and out of their forms. He asks to teach you and you work on it slowly but surely until a month later a Phoneix escapes you. Professor Dumbledore smiles and simply opens his window so that you and Fawkes can fly free. You don't think the way you normally do, your just free, entirely in the present.

None of your house mates realise anything's unusual. They think that you're cool for how you talk and act around the toad. You don't say anything but at night, a Phoneix screams it as loud as she can too the whole world, exactly what you're feeling.

You attend the secret DADA meetings. They name themselves Dumbledore's army despite your protests. You want to warn Dumbledore but your spell bound and you know that if your not careful you'll end up with an unbreakable hex on you.

You can master all of Harry's spells easily. The hardest is the Patronous, but when you summon up the image of flying with Fawkes as a Phoneix and knowing that Hermione, Gabriel, Adam and your parents love you it gets easier. Your patronous is a Phoneix as is Lavender's. Your eyes meet, but you both quickly look away knowing that you can't comment on how or what or why this happened.

Lavender starts to distance herself again, but you find that you're slowly getting ok again.

Professor Mcgonagal calls you in for a careers meeting. Professor Umbridge watches over her shoulder and you smile at her defiantly.

“Miss Y/L/N, if you could do anything in the world what would you do?” Professor Mcgonagal asks and you smile.

“I'd be a healer at St. Mungos,” You tell her honestly, and she smiles, not even slightly surprised.

“Well, you're on track to achieve that. Even Professor Snape has marked you as an O in Potions. You'll have to continue with Potions, Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmacy and Care of Magical creatures. You have O's in all of these subjects so I think you are perfectly capable of doing this,” Professor Mcgonagal says with a smile.

“Just a shame no Wix is going to agree to be treated by a bloodsucker,” Professor Umbridge calls out and you stare down at Professor Mcgonagal desks.

“I would, I think you'll be one of the best doctors they ever have,” Professor Mcgonagal says defiantly, “You can absolutely achieve this dream,”

“Don't give her false hope,” Proffessor Umbridge call but Professor Mcgonagal ignores her.

“You'll achive this, see you in Transfiguration,” Professor Mcgonagal says and you nod.

“Thank you Professor Mcgonagal, good bye toad face,” You say and then you're sprinting out of the room. You get a 'detention' from Mcgonagal for that, one where she orders you to spend and hour helping Madame Pomfrey.

After one DA meeting, you hear footsteps outside.

“RUN!” Harry yells, panicking. You grit your teeth, grabbing hold of the girl in front of you and escaping too a near-by broom closet.

You cover her mouth, listening as people patrol the halls looking for students. You cast a notice – me – not spell and a silencing spell before turning to face the girl you'd kidnapped and saved in the broom closet.

It's Lavender.

You curse your luck even as she starts to speak.

“Why are we here?” Lavender asks.

“Because I just couldn't resist the urge to get you on your own, cutie,” You say, sarcastically flirting. Lavender rolls her eyes an you don't blame her. You're just as bored of this whole relationship you've got going on. If you could move on you would, but something won't let you even budge a fraction away from loving Lavender even as you push her away over and over and over.

“Why are we really here?” Lavender asks, sighing.

“Umbridge and her pets are outside. We're safer here, hidden in the broom closet than trying to get away from her and back to the Gryffindor Common Room,” You answer and Lavender nods.

“So... what do you want to do while we wait?” Lavender asks seductively. You both sigh because you already know how this will end, but it doesn't stop you leaning just a little bit forwards to close the distance.

Her lips brush against yours, gentle at first and then fiercer once your both a little more certain. You flick her bottom lip with your tongue and she moans a little before opening her mouth just a little. You enter and the two of you fight for dominance. Lavender's hand brushes up your side before tangling in your hair. You wrap your arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

“They're gone,” You suddenly say, pulling back, not bothering to look at the woman besides you.

“Right,” Lavender replies, she doesn't look at you either now that the promise of misguided, no strings attached, comfort is gone.

Lavender heads to the dorm, but you switch to your Phoneix form and fly out into the night. You can feel that it's cold now. It's fascinating to be able to actually feel something. Fawkes flies besides you and you smile at the other perk it gives you.

“What do you want to do?” You ask him.

“Boring, better question, what did you do? You smell like the girl,” Fawkes asks and you blush.

“We kissed in the broom closet, but that's it! We aren't a couple or anything,” You tell him and Fawkes whistles and then sighs.

“This will be the last trip in a while my little friend,” He tells you and you pout.

“How come?” You ask.

“The toad woman is harassing Albus, do you not hear it? The ministry will be here soon and he will need an escape,” Fawkes explains.

“Can I help?” You offer and Fawkes sighs.

“I'm afraid not. We must go quickly,” Fawkes explains, “I shall be back as soon as I can. In the meantime you shall have to deal with the toad face. Do not get seen, she will send you away and you will have to go,”

“I understand and I wish you success on your travels,” You tell him and Fawkes gently head butts you before flying off to Professor Dumbledore.

Without Professor Dumbledore around, Professor Umbridge's tirade gets worse and worse. For the most part you avoid being seen except for when the Weasley Twins corner you.

“We need your help Doctor,” They tell you and you raise an eyebrow.

“Is this anything like the last time you needed my help?” You ask and the twins shake their heads before flashing identical mischievous smiles.

“This is so much better,” Fred or maybe George says.

“We know you harbour no warm feelings for Professor toad – face and we need your help to get out of here. So will you help us if we promised that we were going to get some revenge?” The other asks.

“Depends what it involves,” You tell them and they nod.

“Don't worry you can leave with us,” You realise this twin is George.

“I can't leave George, I have to tend to the patients in the Hospital Wing. As long as people need a healer I'll be at Hogwarts,” You tell them and they both seem momentarily stunned you know who is who, but they smell, act and look a little different so it isn't impossible to work out.

“Well... we'll keep you out of the lumus then. Can you steal our brooms? We can't get into where they are held in the Dungeons and though there's a window it's too small for us to get through,” Fred explains, “We've tried to accio them but it doesn't work,”

“I can get them,” You say with a smile and the two boys look at you.

“How?” They ask curiously and you smile switching to your Phoneix form in one fluid movement. You settle onto George's shoulder and the boy chuckles with delight, before you take off in one movement and fly to the dungeon. The window is open, you can see an outer frame but not the glass itself. You gently slide into the room and transform out of your form.

The brooms are chained to the wall, a simple aloha mora doesn't work and so you try some stronger opening spells until finally you hear a click and the two brooms fall to the floor. You throw them out the window and quickly follow suit. You grip them tightly in your feet and fly to the Weasley Twins, dropping them to the pair before flying a little further away and switching back to your vampire form.

You quickly follow the twins to a huge corridor. They throw fireworks from their brooms and you laugh as every time Professor Umbridge tries to break the fireworks they split apart into even more fireworks. You laugh and head to the Gryfindor tower to watch the twins leaving. You wave goodbye to them and they wink at you, before tapping there nose and you know that they are telling you they'll keep your animagus a secret.

When the firework show finally ends, you expect the other girls to go to sleep and they all do except Lavender who traps you on your bed.

“I know you've been depressed,” Lavender tells you and you frown.

“What makes you think that?” You ask.

“You were avoiding people, withdrawing, rebelling in ways that you normally wouldn't. Are you feeling Ok now?” Lavender asks, her hand entwining with yours.

“Yeah,” You sigh, you can't look at her, can't spill your soul but your force words from yourself to settle her fears, “Madame Pomfrey and Hermione worked it out. I've been slowly getting better since second term,”

“When you were crying...” Lavender trails off.

“My parents know now, they promised they loved me, I just... I didn't know how to feel. It meant the world to know someone cared,” You explain.

“I'll always care,” Lavender tells you.

“Is that why you've been talking to me this year?” You ask and she nods.

“I got the feeling you needed it, and I missed you. I have this dream that one day we'll be able to be friends again,” Lavender says with a small smile.

“Just friends?” You ask and Lavender sighs.

“For now, I like you a lot Y/N, but I need to know I can trust you not to break my heart,” Lavender points out and you sigh accepting it.

“I don't think I could do this right now either,” You admit and Lavender smiles, pressing a light kiss to your lips.

“Maybe one day?” Lavender offers.

“Maybe,” You say with a smile.

“For now, I'd love to be your friend,” Lavender offers and you nod.

“I've missed you,” You admit and she smiles.

“I've missed you too Doctor,” Lavender says affectionately.

Your working in the Hospital Wing when Fawkes flies outside the window. He winks at you before disappearing off towards the forbidden forest. You open your mouth indignantly, about to open a window and chase after him until a swarm of patients fill the Hospital Wing. You gasp, before taking a deep breath and using your vampire speed you start to treat them, you give everyone as much time as they need but you are quicker than most because of your speed. Hermione gives you the full story once most are fast asleep and healing. Hermione's chest is burned and scarred but they are smaller than they would've been thanks to your efforts. You hold her hand as she sobs.

Sirius Black was killed by Death – Eaters after the group went there believing that Sirius was there and yet couldn't find him. You hug her as sobs. You can't do much else, grief isn't a pain that can be taken away. When Hermione finally falls asleep Madame Pomfrey tells you to take a break and you nod, going after Fawkes in your Phoneix form.

“Hey,” You call to him and he smiles, “Where did you go?”

“Rome,” Fawkes says with a smile, “You'll never guess who I met,”

“Who?” You ask with a smile and he doesn't say anything, just darting into the forest, you follow him and find something you hadn't expected. A phoenix boy.

“This is Vulcan, my boyfriend,” Fawkes says and you smile.

“It's good to meet you Vulcan, I'm Y/N, Fawkes friend,” You introduce yourself to Vulcan, Fawkes boyfreind.

“My best friend,” Fawkes adds and you smile.

“Thanks dude,” You say and Fawkes grins.

“I have heard a lot about you. It is good to meet fire-hearts greatest friend,” Vulcan tells you and you smile when Fawkes blushes at the pet name.

You hear Hermione waking in the Hospital Wing and you smile apologetically at the two boys.

“I have to go and see to my friends but we should all fly together sometime,” You tell the two and Vulcan smiles.

“I would like that,” Vulcan tells you, wing wrapping around a blushing Fawkes.

“See you later,” Fawkes tells you and you smile before racing off to school.

It takes a while for your friends to be able to be dismissed from the Hospital Wing. Your careful with each of them, but bonds have formed through out the group. They have been changed, and although Hermione and you can still talk together you know how they are all struggling. Your not good at talking, but you watch over them.

Luna and Ginny cling together. They are the youngest of the group and can't stand to be parted. They are supporting each other and you know that they will be ok.

The golden trio are tied even closer together and you know that it's ok. You see the way they rely on each other and you know that they have support.

Neville is alone though. He withdraws from everyone and you watch him. You see the first cracks and you know he needs help, but you don't know how to approach him.

“I can help,” Lavender tells you, once you mention it, “Talking is what I'm good at Doctor,”

You watch her and you watch Neville and then slowly but surely he starts to get better. You smile thankful that someone can do something. Madame Pomfrey nods her head and tells you that Lavender has the true makings of a mind healer. You smile agreeing, because Lavender knew before even Madame Pomfrey knew.

On the train ride home, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle somehow end up looking like giant slugs. You don't say a word, deciding that you're technically outside of school and so can't cast the counters and then your heading off towards the compartment Lavender's in.

When you get out onto the platform, you wrap your dad in a huge hug.

“Are you ok?” He asks, pulling you tightly to him.

“I'm not fully ok yet dad, but I am doing better. I love you,” You tell him and he smiles, hugging you tight to his chest.

“We're all here for you, we all love you and we're all going to help you get better,” Your dad promises.

“Promise to still treat me like me?” You ask and he smiles.

“Always,” He promises. You turn your head and wave goodbye to Hermione and Lavender and then you let your dad apparate you both home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter still isn't due until Saturday but I just want to say that regardless of if you bleed once a month or not it doesn't make you any more or less of a woman, man or otherwise.
> 
> I heard about what J.K.Rowling said today, and I just wanted to say my bit and apologise to everyone who's hurting because I hate that you're hurting.
> 
> Hopefully see you Saturday, take care.


	11. Before 6th year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hogwarts is over for the Summer and now you're back at home. How are you coping by the time your birthday rolls around?

You hear Fawkes knocking at your window just as you finish writing your weekly letters to Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore. You smile, standing an opening the window for Fawkes. Your confused for a second you're confused as to why he carries gifts and then you see that it's the 29th of September, your birthday. Vulcan smiles from besides Fawkes, the two have been inseparable since they met and you don't really blame them. It must be hard being a gay phoenix when phoenix's themselves are rare let alone gay one, let alone gay ones you actually like. You smile, taking the gifts and letting them both into your room.

Fawkes shuffles along on his perch on your chair so that Vulcan can stand next to him. A bright burst of flame meets you but before long two tiny chicks fly out and onto your hand. You smile at them, opening three gifts, one from Madame Pomfrey, one from Hermione and one from Professor Dumbledore. Madame Pomfrey sent you a new and updated guide to magical healing, Hermione sent you a book on how magical healing has evolved and Professor Dumbledore sent you a book on offensive and defensive spells. You frown a little as you handle it, knowing that there's a war coming.

Fawkes bites your finger and you smile apologetically at him.

“Sorry Fawkes, sorry Vulcan, I guess it's just hitting me that a war is actually coming. I treated people who'd already started fighting last year, I suppose it's only just hitting me that it's actually going to happen and I have to decide to fight or not to,” You tell them and they frown. Vulcan lifts his wings as if to say, 'I'll be ready' but Fawkes just stares at your hand.

“Come on,” You say gently, “Let's go see my mum,”

The two Phoneix's fly onto opposing shoulders, but behind your head their wings still touch and you smile at the two's love sick ways. 

“Hey mum,” You say gently to her when you arrive and she smiles a little.  
“I can't believe your sixteen already,” She says smiling, and wrapping arms around your waist. She presses a kiss to your forehead and you smile seeing that you're almost as tall as her, curtsy of your Dad's potion.  
“I can't believe your fifty,” You jest and your mum shakes her head.  
“I was going to tell you that you could go wake your brothers and your dad but now I think you can wait until they wake up naturally,” Your mum teases and you pout.  
“Aw! Please? It's my birthday,” You tell her and she sighs.  
“Go on then,” Your mum agrees, and you run upstairs, pounding on Adam's door.  
“Wake up!” You yell and Adam sighs, but you hear him standing and getting ready.  
“Gabriel! Wake up!” You yell outside your brother's door and hear similar noises coming from his room.  
“DA-!” You start to yell, but he catches you off guard and flips you upside down with a spell.  
“On guard!” He yells and you grab your wand casting the counter and rolling when you hit the ground.  
“Stupefy!” You cast as he casts a wordless protego.

Expelliarmus, you cast wordlessly followed by Stupefy. Your Dad retains his wand with ease but only just manages to stop himself from being stupefied. You cast a notice me not spell and then use the full force of your vampire speed to get behind him and cast Stupefy non-verbally. Your dad falls to the floor as you take down the charm, before countering the Stupefy.

“One of these days I'll get the jump on you,” He promises and you smile.  
“When that day comes,” You say and then you pull him to his feet, “I shall be very surprised,”

You shower quickly before impatiently heading downstairs to watch your family eating. They smile when they see you and for the first time in six years, four gifts are laid before you on the table. You smile at Gabriel, Adam and your parents as you unwrap your gifts. Your dad, is one of only a few people aware of your animagus form, has knitted you a small bird sized sweater. You smile at him, gratefully and he winks while the twins both seem mystified. Your mum, also aware of your form but incapable of knitting, has given you a specially adapted bird Quaffel, with groves to make it easier to hold in your claws. You chuckle as the twins look even more confused. Adam hands you a medical book, and you thank him. Gabriel takes your breath away for a moment, he's made you a small, moving, metal phoenix. You smile as you hold the delicately sculptured model.

“Thank you,” You say to them all, wrapping them up in a hug.  
“What do you want to do today?” Your mum asks.  
“Let's play Quidditch, we should get Auntie involved too,” You tell them.  
“We don't have enough brooms,” Adam points out.  
“Oh! There's an easy fix for that!” You tell him and then you switch into your animagus form and watch your brother's expressions flickering from confusion, to realisation. You laugh and hear similar laughs coming from Fawkes and Vulcan.

“I have to admit I've never played Quiddich,” Vulcan says and you nod.  
“That's ok, you don't need to worry about much since I'm putting us as the chasers. Do you see this ball?” You ask, lifting the specially modified Quaffel with your claw.  
“I see it,” Vulcan agrees as you fly outside.  
“Good, do you want to work with me or Fawkes or Auntie?” You ask as you see the house-elf flying to a chaser position.  
“I'll work with Fawkes for now,” Vulcan says flying besides his boyfreind.  
“Ok, do you see the hoops across from you?” You ask flying besides Auntie.  
“I see them,” Vulcan agrees.  
“Get that ball into any one of those hoops, in the meantime I'm going t be trying to get the ball into the ones behind you,” You tell him and he nods. You see Adam take position in goal as your dad takes position in the other. Your mum and Gabriel take up positions as seekers and then Auntie throws the Quaffel into the air and the game begins as your dad blast the Snitch from it's case.

You race to grab the Quaffel, but Vulcan gets there first and you duck back to avoid getting a face-full of talons.

“Follow me!” Fawkes yells when Vulcan hovers momentarily unsure in the air, Vulcan shoots after Fawkes and Auntie flies closer to the goals while you take up place a little distance away ready to catch it if it comes to you. Vulcan tosses the Quaffel in the air and then smashes his foot against it sending it towards the goal.

Auntie intercepts, throwing it towards you. Gripping it tightly in your talon you race towards Adam and launch it towards the net. You sigh when it smacks the corner of the net and bounces off, you're still getting used to your new form. Auntie has caught up with you, and she manages to throw it into the net. Adam flies towards it, but misses and the first points of the match are scored.

“Well done Auntie!” You tell, forgetting in your haste to congratulate the house-elf that she probably can't understand phoenix.  
“Thank you Y/N,” Auntie says with a small smile, surprising you.  
“Do you speak Phoenix?” You ask surprised.  
“House-elves can understand almost any language we're very magical,” Auntie tells you and you smile.

The Quaffel gets tossed back to the centre of the pitch and you race to intercept only for Vulcan to grab it. He shoots it to Fawkes who hurls it towards the right-hoop. Your Dad grabs it quickly, and throws it towards you. Lifting a talon, you reach to grab it, only for Vulcan to intercept it. He tosses to Fawkes but misses and instead throws it through the right-hoop.

“YES!” Fawkes yells, wrapping Vulcan in his wings.  
“That was an accident,” Vulcan admits sheepishly.  
“It was a good accident though,” Fawkes points out and Vulcan smiles.  
“Well done Vulcan,” You congratulate as the two pull away.  
“Thanks Y/N,” Vulcan says with a small smile.

The Quaffel gets tosses back to the centre. Auntie grabs it and you race to get closer to the hoops. Auntie throws it to you and you grab it, throwing it towards the left-hoop and smiling when it fall through. Adam sighs, and nods at you.

“Well done Y/N,” Adam congratulates and you smile.

A sudden movement catches your eye and you watch as Gabriel and your mother both dive towards the snitch. They cross each other in mid-air and for a moment no one can tell who's won until Gabriel lifts his hand in the air and cheers. You grin, embracing Auntie in your wings before both of you fly towards the ground to wrap Gabriel in a hug. Gabriel's about to let the snitch go but before he can rain breaks and you have to get Fawkes and Vulcan inside as they can't fly in the rain.

Despite the relatively short trip to the house, by the time you're inside the grounds marshy and your family are all muddy, cold and wet.  
“Worth it,” Gabriel says, ruffling your hair affectionately. You smile, and hug him quickly. When you pull back, you see Adam beaming.  
“Happy Birthday,” Your family all say, before traipsing upstairs to wash. Fawkes bites your ear affectionately to convey his feelings while Vulcan just nods at you.

You shower quickly, before meeting your family downstairs. You set up multiple chess boards so people can play. Fawkes and Vulcan also participate with Auntie taking a moment to teach them. Your Dad sits to the side, reading, not a massive fan of chess but happy you all enjoyed it. Adam and Gabriel played each other and you played your mother.

The next day passes in your usual flurry of neglected homework and packing. Then before you knew it you were saying a last goodbye, and your mum was apparating you away to the platform. You smiled, briefly embracing.

“Keep in touch,” Your mum orders and you nod.  
“I will,” You promise.  
“Talk to Madame Pomfrey, and look after yourself,” Your mum adds.  
“I will Mum, I promise. I love you,” You tell her and she hugs you tightly.  
“I love you too,” Your mum tells you, and then your sprinting away to the Hogwarts Express.

You ride in the same compartment as Lavender, Parvati, Seamus and Dean. The two girls had followed you into the compartment and momentarily it was awkward for a few moments but Lavender managed to diffuse the tension after a few moments. There's too many people in the four seater compartment, and so Lavender and you end up in a position reminiscent of second-year.

No one comments and you just let it be since you aren't really uncomfortable and Lavender's partially squashed against Parvati too.

You talk about your Summers. You notice that Seamus and Dean are sneaking glances and you wonder about them. They smile softly and blush every time they touch and you hope your friends have worked out why they feel the way they feel about each other.

Eventually, Hogwarts comes within sight and you all climb off the train and head into the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> If you liked it, please leave a kudos.
> 
> If you think something could be improved, please leave a comment, criticism is always helpful.
> 
> Most of all, please join me tomorrow! I can hardly believe it's almost over so thank you to everyone sticking through it all this far.
> 
> \- Hugo


	12. Chapter 12

You talk with Hermione on the way to the great hall, but freeze when you get to the entrance. You can smell something wrong, something dead. Where? Where is the dead thing? Then you see him, Professor Dumbledore. His hand all blackened and dead.

Professor Dumbledore is dying.

Hermione leads you over to the table and you have to grip the edge to keep yourself together. Albus Dumbledore is dying and no one seems to know. He smiles at the assembled students before introducing the new potions master, Horace Slughorn. You look him over, once and then dismiss him. Horace Slughorn is nothing. Professor Dumbledore is dying.

You end up in the dorm, hoping your silence will be dismissed by the sleepy girls around you but neither Lavender nor Hermione can let it be. Two hands find yours, one Hermione's one Lavender's. Surprised, Lavender moves to pull her hand back but you tighten your grip. For a moment you just sit there, looking at yours and Lavender's entwined hands and then the silence is broken.

“Are you OK?” Hermione asks and you sigh.

“I'm OK, just homesick,” You lie and Hermione shakes her head.

“That's not it,” Lavender says, speaking before Hermione can.

“No, it's not, but I can't give the real reason,” You say trufully, if Professor Dumbledore hasn't said anything then you have no right to.

“When you can tell me, let me know,” Hermione says gently, placing a hand on your shoulder, “I'm always here for you,”

“Thank you Hermione,” You say with a small smile.

“Anytime, night or day,” Hermione promises, making her way back to her bed.

“Me too,” Lavender says, “Always here,”

“I know, thank you Lavender,” You say smiling at her gently, before letting her go.

You pass the night reading (researching more accurately). You don't have to deal with death often at Hogwarts, the one time you encountered it was Cedric and that was over before he even got back to the Hospital Wing. You sigh, clenching your hands into fists. Thinking Cedric's name was easier but you still felt like someone had shoved a shard of glass down your throat.

When morning comes, Lavender talks you into joining her on a run. You're faster than her, but she's still fast. You match her pace, enjoying the small struggle it takes to keep up. You end up at the black lake. Lavender let's out a cheer at the adrenaline in her veins.

“You know, it's almost strange not to see you just beginning to surface Doctor,” Lavender tells you and you smile.

“Nothing interesting down there anyway,” You tell her and Lavender smiles.

“Not when you're out of the water anyway,” Lavender says, and her voice is flirtatious as she steps a little towards you.

“Oh, so I'm... interesting?” You ask sarcastically.

“Interesting and exciting,” Lavender says, sliding closer. Her hands find your hips and you smile slightly, leaning in and closing the distance. Her lips are careful, but yours are even more so. You pull back after a few minutes.

“I have to go, see Professor Dumbledore. I'll see you later, OK?” You ask and Lavender's nods.

You think about the kiss, neither of you had been ready for a relationship last year, but was kissing allowed? You smile softly for a moment, until the staircase leading to Professor Dumbledore's office descends and you know you have to face him. You climb up, slowly, suppressing your smell as much as you can to hide the rotted scent of him but it's still there no matter how hard you try. Fawkes looks woefully at you from his perch next to Vulcan, you walk towards him gravely as Vulcan rests his head on Fawkes shoulder.

“I know bud, I know,” You sigh, gently stroking the back of his head.

“Y/N,” A voice calls from in front of you, and steeling your nerves you look up.

“Albus,” You greet, no longer bothered by propriety. He leads you away from Fawkes and into his office, where he closes the door quietly.

“Fawkes gets upset,” Albus Dumbledore says, perfectly calmly, “I take it you know,”

“Is that all I get?” You ask, gritting your teeth and clenching your fists. How could he still seem so calm even though he was dying? It was happening and he didn't seem to care.

“What more would you like me to say?” Albus asks and you pace the room trying to keep it all in check.

“How did this happen? How did you go from perfectly healthy before Summer to months away from death?” You ask not able to look at him.

“Is that really all the time I have left?” Professor Dumbledore asks, he sounds surprised like he'd stepped in something unpleasant.

“Six, maybe seven months,” You tell him quietly, “Near as I can figure. How did this happen?”

“I can't tell you,” Professor Dumbledore sighs and you shake your head.

“THAT'S SUCH A LOAD OF -” You cut yourself of, realising you were yelling, “Look if I'm going to spend my year having to watch my friend die you could at least tell me why,”

“I'm sorry Y/N. This isn't fair to you, I can have Madame Pomfrey administer your doses if you need,” Professor Dumbledore says and you shake your head.

“Don't you dare. Don't close yourself off. I need my friend. Don't take him from me before he's even gone,” You say firmly.

“If your talking about Fawkes-” Albus starts but you cut him off.

“I'm talking about you Albus,” You tell him firmly, “The man who brought me to this school, and who accepted and supported me through everything. Please, just tell me,”

“Here's your blood,” Albus says, handing over the blood pack.

“Albus.” You try but he turns his head and pulls on a mask.

“Miss Y/L/N,” He chooses instead, “All future appointments are with Madame Pomfrey,”

You eyes burn, as you grab the blood pack, finishing it quickly and then your out of the room and running. You get your timetable for the day, but can't face going to any of them. It's fine, your ahead in all of them anyway.

When you get to the Great Hall for lunch, you cast a diagnostic spell on the Headmaster because there's no way in hell you aren't going to try save him. There must be something you can do, especially when you have the whole of Hogwarts' library at your disposal. You keep the scroll from the prying eyes of Lavender and Hermione, hiding it in your pocket. You smuggle it deep into your robes before continuing to try conversing with Hermione.

“How come you weren't in lessons?” Hermione asks.

“Madame Pomfrey was overwhelmed in the hospital wing,” You lie and Hermione raises and eyebrow but doesn't press it.

“Well then, you better go help her Doctor,” Hermione orders and you nod but you're headed towards the Library.

_Patient: Albus Dumbledore_

_Age: 150_

_Heart rate: 67 bpm Blood pressure: 145/150_

_Physical abnormalities:_

_A deadening of the right hand spreading upwards through the body at a reduced rate than estimated otherwise. Temporary freezing charm detected._

_Magical abnormalities:_

_Weakening of magical core._

_Suspected cause:_

_Dark curse from magical enchantment._

_Actual cause:_

_Unknown_

You read through the medical diagnostic with a frown. Part of the diagnostic spell relied on the healers own knowledge but you'd never seen a stranger diagnostic. Perhaps Madame Pomfrey would shed better light on the results?

“Shouldn't you be in class?” Madame Pomfrey asks when you enter the Hospital Wing.

“Better things to do. Read this,” You say swiftly procuring the scroll and handing it to Madame Pomfrey.

“What's this?” Madame Pomfrey asks before her eyes narrowed, “Albus authorised this?”

“Well.. not exactly, but he's dying and we can't just sit -” You start but Madame Pomfrey cuts you off.

“What do you mean not exactly?” Madame Pomfrey barks and you look down.

“Well he didn't say no!” You protests and Madame Pomfrey sighs.

“Did you ask?” She says, voice cold and quiet.

“No, but-” You start but Madame Pomfrey glares at you.

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE LAW IS REGARDING THE USE OF DIAGNOSTIC CHARMS AND PATIENTS? YOU CAN'T EVER CAST A DIAGNOSTIC CHARM WITHOUT A PATIENTS CONSENT OR ADMITTANCE INTO YOUR WARD. THE LAWS ARE VERY CLEAR ABOUT THIS!” Madame Pomfrey yells, and you flinch back, but stand your ground.

“HE'S DYING! I COULD SMELL IT FROM A MILE AWAY! DO YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST SIT BACK AND LET HIM?” You yell back.

“I know he's dying! I asked him to let me help but without his consent there's nothing we can do. Severus is the only one who's been allowed to help at all and even then only briefly. I know he's your friend but you can't do anything. Do you understand? You can't do anything,” Madame Pomfrey tells you.

“But-” You start but she cuts you off.

“I forbid you from practising if you continue to try to heal or help the Professor without his consent,” Madame Pomfrey tells you and you frown.

“How am I suppose to get his consent when he refuses to see me?” You ask and Madame Pomfrey sighs.

“I don't know, but I mean it. Doctors can get into a lot of trouble for this, they can be locked away in Azkaban and face huge fines as well never be able to ever practise magic again. Don't waste your skills,” Madame Pomfrey orders and you look down at the ground.

“I suppose I have no choice,” You tell her quietly.

“I know it's hard but-” Madame Pomfrey starts but you cut her off.

“I quit,” You say and her eyes widen slightly.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do that?” Madame Pomfrey asks.

“No, but if I'm not a Doctor I can pursue this. I don't want to stop practising but I can't let my friend die,” You tell her honestly.

“I wish you good luck, and I'm sorry I can't help,” Madame Pomfrey tells you honestly and you nod. You hug her once before heading to the dungeons. Professor Snape was going to answer a few questions.

Despite your attempts to get Professor Snape to talk to you, he refuses and you can't resort to verisirum or threats without permanently jeopardising your chances at becoming a doctor. You pace the grounds angrily, trying to work out what to do and then you write a letter.

_Albus,_

_Don't close yourself off. I'm trying to help. Please, let me._

_Y/N_

You switch into Phoenix form and call for Fawkes and Vulcan. You convince Vulcan to fly the letter to Professor Dumbledore as you brief Fawkes on what you already know.

“What happened?” You ask and Fawkes shakes his head.

“I came back to him like this,” Fawkes explains and you sigh.

“Monitor him, if you work anything out tell me. I'll research as much as possible,” You promise.

“What are you going to do?” Fawkes asks.

“Break in, silence the Library and read my way through the stacks,” You say simply and Fawkes frowns.

“Won't you get in trouble?” Fawkes challenges.

“Only if I get caught, and I can't not try,” You point out and Fawkes nods his head.

You break into the Library numerous times, you go back to lessons but spend your nights in the restricted section trying to find out anything. Lavender and Hermione start to get concerned but you reassure them that you're working on a really intense project and just have a lot of research to do. Neither Albus nor Professor Snape relent and give you the information you need. Then the break through happens.

Vulcan taps on your window, he won't stop tapping and you know something bad's happening. He flies off and you frown, standing and throwing yourself through the window after him. You turn into a Phoenix and race after Vulcan towards the headmaster's office.

“What's happening?” You ask and Vulcan responds as briefly as he can.

“Something bad. Fawkes is with him,” Vulcan tells you and you speed up. You throw yourself through the window in vampire form, casting a diagnostic spell before your even fully aware of what's happening. The freezing charm has broken. You start to cast, letting the words fly from you as you see the struggling man.

“Vulcan, find Professor Snape,” You order and the phoenix willingly shoots out the window as Fawkes worriedly pokes Albus' pale, shallow face. The blackness stops spreading, and you focus on stabilising his vitals until with a small moan blue eyes open.

“What are you doing here?” Albus asks and you frown.

“You almost died. The freezing charm broke, the way things are going... three weeks. You have three weeks left, please, let me help you,” You beg and he frowns as Professor Snape enters the room.

“What's the problem?” Professor Snape asks and you glance over at him.

“Freezing charm broke, it's contained but I you did more than just a simple freezing charm Professor. Tell me how to fix him,” You order and Professor Snape frowns.

“The headmaster has trusted himself to my care, I don't see why-” Professor Snape starts but you cut him off.

“In three weeks time he'll be dead, I can smell it. Don't, please, don't let this happen,”You beg and the two men exchange looks. Professor Snape steps forwards, and begins to recite spells, you write them down as he says them, watching his wand movements carefully.

“What do you need?” Albus asks.

“Your consent, and the full story,” You tell him and he nods.

“A few months ago, I made the mistake of putting on a fragment of soul. The soul was destroyed, but now it's going through me and unable to find a new host it's trying to turn me into one. It's killing me, slowly. If I were younger I'd stand a better chance but I'm one hundred and fifty, there's no way I'm getting out of this alive,” Albus explains and you nod quietly, closing your eyes as you try to think.

“Why don't we find a new host?” You ask.

“The soul needs to die, once I die it'll die too,” Professor Dumbledore explains.

“Amputation?” You ask.

“I already tried that, but it simply speeds up the process,” Professor Dumbledore explains and you sigh.

“Why don't we make you younger? Healthier?” You ask.

“How exactly are we going to do that? We're short one Philosopher's stone,” Professor Snape says snidely.

Fawkes sqwarks suddenly, and you smile when he looks towards an empty potions bottle.

“If I could provide you a potion that did the opposite, could you reverse engineer it?” You ask and Professor Snape raises an eyebrow.

“There's a potion to do that?” He asks and you smile.

“My dad's been brewing it since before third year, it ages me, surely you've noticed?” You explain and Professor Snape frowns.

“Maybe,” He tells you and you nod.

“Good, I'll get the recipe and a sample,” You tell him and then he's standing.

“Very good, I shall see you later then,” He says, and his sneer seems softer.

“Severus is a dear friend, he can't even pretend to hate someone who could and would help me,” Albus explains and you nod.

“That makes sense,” You tell him carefully.

“Thank you for saving me, and not giving up,” Albus tells you, and his face shines with something, hope.

“I wouldn't be able to give up anyway,” You admit.

“I'm glad you didn't. Listen, we should continue our meetings for you are my friend and we will need each other but leave the potion to Severus – you are young and should experience your sixth year to the fullest. Dark times are coming, take the good times while they're still there,” Albus tells you and you look into his eyes and finally nod.

“You'll let Professor Snape help you and won't back out?” You ask and Albus shakes his head.

“I won't. I promise,” He tells you and you smile.

“Then I will,” You tell him and he smiles.

“Sir...” You start before you leave and he looks at you with all his focus.

“Yes?” He asks and you steel your nerve.

“What do you mean dark times?” You ask and he frowns.

“A war is coming, surely you can feel it?” He asks and you nod.

After your discussion with Albus, you bring the potion to Professor Snape, and you know it works because you can smell him getting better. He won't continue forever, you know that the doses are becoming ineffective far faster than the potion that makes you older. Your Dad's potion will take you to your early twenties but this potion can only make Albus last another ten or eleven months. Still, it's better than three weeks.

Since DA hasn't started back up, you head to the room of requirements for solo training sessions. Well, they were solo until Lavender noticed you sneaking out.

“Where are you going?” Lavender asks worriedly.

“I'm going to go practise defensive spells,” You tell her and she cocks an eyebrow. Your response was absolutely ludicrous and yet there was no sarcasm.

“Can I come?” Lavender asks and you smile.

“That'd be great, and don't worry I'll go easy on you,” You tell her and Lavender scoffs.

“Just you wait,” Lavender says, a fire lighting itself behind her eyes.

“Ohh, I'm shaking, I'm shaking,” You tease, and then you grab her hand and the two of you take off running. She trusts you immediately to know where to turn and where not to even though you have to take a more circuitous route to get there since you have to avoid the patrolling prefects and the teachers.

When you enter the room of requirements and close the door, Lavender's looking at you and you gulp a little. She smiles.

“You know... the last time we were here was just before we kissed,” She says flirtatiously, and if you could blush you would be red.

“I'm not sure I remember, maybe a reminder would be helpful,” You flirt back, and Lavender's grin widens.

“Well...” Lavender says walking closer to you until your back hit the wall and you were inches away, “First we trained,”

Lavender pulls back and sprints a few paces away before turning, wand in hand, and facing you. Smirking slightly, you pull your wand out with such speed that Lavender can't even see the movement of the wand to your hand just the end result.

“Ready?” You ask and Lavender nods.

The duel is over with in thirty seconds of it starting, Lavender looks disappointed so you react immediately to sooth her.

“It's ok, everything takes practice,” You reassure her, before giving her a few pointers. The two of you go again. This time the duel takes a full minute before you emerge victorious. You reassure her again and point out a few more things, when the duel starts back up she lasts longer. You continue like that until ten and then you encourage Lavender to let you take her back to the dorm.

“Just a moment,” Lavender says, and you turn to her expectantly. She pushes you back against the wall with the confidence of a woman who knows what she wants and intends to take it. She presses a kiss to your lips and you pull her closer.

When you get back to the dorm room, both of your lips are puffy and every time you catch Lavender looking at you she blushes which makes you smile.

“Good night Lavender,” You whisper as she heads towards her bed.

“Good night,” She says, blushing and you smile pressing a kiss to her cheek making her blush even harder.

She climbs into bed while you head over to the window and begin to study again. You half consider going for a fly with Fawkes and Vulcan but he and Vulcan were having a romantic evening to themselves and you wouldn't want to third wheel them.

“You know you have options, and you have to think very carefully about them,” Albus tells you and you frown. It's your first meeting with Dumbledore since he let you back in his life.

“I'm sorry?” You ask and he smiles.

“You don't have to fight in this war, they'll need healers and maybe you should keep out of the line of fire. You're sure to be a target to death-eaters,” Albus points out.

“I want to fight,” You tell him.

“Why?” He asks calmly and you struggle to find the words.

“I'm angry,” You finally answer and he frowns.

“You can't go into a battle fueled by hate or anger,” He tells you and you frown.

“Why not?” You demand.

“Because if you do then when you get hit over and over you'll have nothing left to keep you fighting,” He tells you and you frown.

“So what's the right reason to fight?” You ask and he looks at you before sighing like you've completely missed the point of the lesson.

“Only you know, but trust me. Don't fight because your angry, or because you hate them you'll find the reason that keeps you going, that engraves itself into your heart and then you'll be able to continue forever,” Albus tells you and you frown, “You also don't have to do anything at all. I won't blame you for finding a safer place to go,”

“I won't do nothing,” You tell him and he smiles.

“No, I didn't think you would,” He tells you and you nod, taking your blood before leaving.

“So you've been busy,” Hermione says, smirking as you take a seat besides her.

“What do you mean?” You ask, you've resumed your Hospital Wing duties now you could see Professor Dumbledore getting better but you weren't really any busier than normal.

“I mean Lavender,” Hermione says and you look at her bewildered.

“How did you know... I mean what?” You ask quickly backtracking but Hermione just smirks.

“Oh come one, she can hardly look at you without blushing. Besides, you gave yourself away far too easily,” Hermione points out and you grin sheepishly.

“Ok, maybe there's something, but we aren't a couple we're just... I don't know we're... something,” You answer, not sure at all how to define it. Make-out buddies? Urgh, no. Friends? No. Almost dating? No. Not that one either.

“You should ask her out on a date,” Hermione tells you and you raise an eyebrow.

“And if she says no?” You ask and she shrugs.

“Then she says no, but you should try. I know you, trust me when I say you ought to try to ask her out at least once for the Hogsmead weekend. It could be a good time to work out what you are and then at least you know,” Hermione points out and you nod.

“Ok, maybe I'll try,” You tell her and Hermione smiles.

“Good, and don't leave it too long, the Hogsmead weekend is in a weeks time,” Hermione tells you and you nod.

“Got it, I can do it, no problem,” You tell her and she smiles.

“I know you can,” Hermione tells you and you nod.

That night you make your first attempt. You do it during your private DA club, Lavender can now hold herself against you in a duel for three minutes and twenty-eight seconds which is a good time since your so quick, she hasn't yet managed to land a blow though.

“Hey... isn't there a Hogsmead weeked coming up soon?” You ask, casually.

“Yep, very soon. Why?” Lavender asks and you stumble trying to find the words but no sound will come out. Damn it! Of all the times to get toungue tied.

“No reason,” You tell her and she cocks an eyebrow but quickly places herself back in a fighters stance.

That night she up's her score to lasting three minutes and thirty second with one blow landing.

“So how did it go?” Hermione asks when you come back to the dormitory. You glare at her but she rolls her eyes, “I already cast a silencing charm, I'm not a fool,”

“I got too toungue tied,” You sigh, sitting on your bed across from her

“You've got to try again,” Hermione orders.

“But it was so embarrassing!” You protest but Hermion crosses her arms and gives you a look that shows you quite clearly that she will not budge on her position.

“Then muster your courage to do it right,” Hermione orders and you sigh.

“Fine, I'll try again,” You promise.

You try again the next night, once again you're back in the private DA room with Lavender. She's red in the face and sweating, duelling is just as strenuous exercise as running, honestly she's kind of terrifyingly hot. As well as this, she's managed to last for four minutes and land four consecutive blows although she's still not managed to win a duel yet.

“If someone asked you on a date, what would you say?” You blurt out just as Lavender's getting ready to launch herself into the next bout. Lavender pauses, looking slightly surprised.

“Depends who it was,” Lavender answers and you nervously play with your hands.

“If it were me?” You ask and Lavender casts a challenging look at you.

“Are you?” She asks, a small smirk on her face.

“No, never mind,” You chicken out and Lavender gets back into fighting mode, her unreadable mask sliding onto her face.

“Did you do it?” Hermione ambushes you with when you enter the dormitory.

“No,” You say, grabbing your pillow to hide your face.

“Coward,” Hermione tells you and you glare at her.

Albus and you have a meeting scheduled the morning before the outing and bizarrely it's this that gets you to ask Lavender out (finally).

“I need to talk to you about something,” Albus starts and you nod at him.

“All ears,” You promise and he smiles.

“Look, I'm dying, we may have delayed it but the truth of the matter is very soon I'll be dead and now I have questions that need answers. I have to do so much and I need your promise on something,” Albus tells you and you look at him.

“Anything,” You swear and he smiles.

“Did I ever tell you how I came by Fawkes? He was trapped in a cage, starving and beating, I brought him, healed him and offered him his freedom. There was flaw, Fawkes has never been to the wild. I was hoping that you'd look after him once I pass,” Albus says, and you wince at the mistreatment of your friend but nod.

“Fawkes you're always welcome in my home, as is Vulcan,” You promise and Albus smiles while Fawkes chirps to you affectionately. He has hardly left Albus' side asides from date nights with Vulcan.

That night, you finally steel your nerves and ask Lavender out. Life was short, or at least Lavender's were and you couldn't spend all your time waiting when the people you loved couldn't either.

“Lavender would you go on a date, with me, to Hogsmead?” You ask.

“Ah, so that's why you've been acting all weird! Yes, I'll go on a date with you," Lavender says with a smile, "Now duelling, please,"

“So?” Hermione asks.

“I asked her,” You say with a huge grin on your face.

“And?” Hermione asks.

“She said yes!” You grin, jumping up and down. Hermione climbs off her bed and stands before you, with a smile twirling Hermione around.

“Aw, you're so cute when your excited. I kind of want to poke your face,” Hermione says and your mouth falls open in outrage.

“Hey!” You protest, “I'm not adorable,”

“You are,” Hermione teases, you pout and she ruffles your hair, “Goodnight Y/N,”

“Goodnight,” You say, shaking your head.

The morning of the Hogsmead weekend, Hermione tries to find you the right clothes until finally she settles on you wearing a tight-fitting pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

“Ok, is that ok?” You ask as you look at your outfit worriedly.

“You look hot,” Hermione promises and you tip your head to the side.

“How do you know this stuff?” You ask and Hermione blushes.

“Just because I love learning does not mean I don't have eyes, also I checked out a few fashion magazines to make sure you'd be ready for the date,” Hermione admits and you smile, wrapping her in a hug.

“Thanks for helping me,” You thank her, and she presses a kiss to your cheek.

“What else are friends for?” Hermione asks and you smile.

“I've got to get going,” You say apologetically.

“Then go,” Hermione tells you and you smile, saluting her before leaving.

“Hey,” You say the moment that you see Lavender.

“Hey, you look good,” Lavender tells you and you smile. She was wearing a similar pair of jeans and a red tight-fitting t-shirt.

“You too,” You tell her, wrapping an arm around her waist and spinning her around. You talk all the way to Hogsmead, and you notice that Lavender looks nervous.

“Everything Ok?” You ask and Lavender tries to shrug it off but you see it.

“I just didn't think about how may eyes there are,” Lavender says and you frown.

“We could go somewhere more private if you want,” You offer and she looks at you.

“Can you do that?” Laveder asks.

“Easily, if you'll permit me to lift you I can take you much faster and farther than a regular wix,” You promise her.

“Just can't wait to get your hands on me, huh Doctor?” Lavender asks and you smile.

“Well, if you'd prefer the three broomsticks,” You offer and Lavender wraps a hand around your arm.

“Take me to this special place, please?” Lavender asks and you smile, reaching down and lifting her up into your arms.

You speed her away to a cliff-side where no one goes. For a moment you worry she'll be afraid of the heights, but she smiles, siting on the very edge. Lavender's a Gryfindor through and through. You cast a warming spell on Lavender when she shivers, Lavender looks over at you.

“Sorry, I should've asked first,” You apologise and Lavender grins.

“Yeah, you should've but I'll let you off on the account of you being a perfect gentleman,” Lavender answers and you smile.

“Hardly,” You snort.

“Well, compared to my other dates...” Lavender says with a small grin.

“You've been going on dates with the wrong people then,” You tell her and Lavender smiles, locking her fingers with yours.

“Maybe I've finally chosen right this time,” Lavender says with a smile.

“I hope so,” You tell her, and Lavender smiles, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. It quickly becomes more heated and you both push yourself from the cliffs edge to make it safer, just because you're Gryfindor's doesn't mean you're stupid.

Eventually you pull apart, and the date passes with alterations of kissing and talking. It's only when the sun starts to set that you both realise that you're late back to the castle.

“Professor Mcgonagal's going to have our heads,” Lavender sighs.

“Yeah, she is,” You agree, but there's a smile on your face still.

“Ok, why are you smiling like that?” Lavender asks and your smile widens.

“Well, we're already late, why not just watch the sunset?” You ask.

“It's a very pretty sunset,” Lavender agrees, but she isn't looking at the sky.

Professor Mcgonagal gives you both detentions but even as you scrub the bathroom clean after one of Mrytle's tantrums, you can't help but think it was worth it. That's until you get back to the common room after healing the injured Quidditch fans and players to see Lavender snogging Ron.You can't look and yet you can't not. Hermione guides you upstairs, hugging you tightly. You can't think.

You spent hours scrubbing the bathroom floors after the date and for what? For Lavender to throw everything away and snog Ronald Weasley like it was nothing? Like you're nothing?

You can barely hear Hermione cast a silencing charm past the pounding in your ears. You fight against yourself, trying to regain some composure, but a whirl of emotions are wrapping around you, strangling, suffocating, anger, fear, sadness, jealousy. You let out a scream as your fist flies out and you smash it into the concrete walls of the room so hard that the concrete crumbles. You rest your head against the wall, chest heaving as tears started to roll down your face.

You take a few moments to compose yourself, until finally you can cast a reparo charm. You turn to see Hermione on your bed, and you make your way over to the floor besides her as she stares at the ceiling.

“I'm sorry,” You apologise, starring at your feet ashamed. You're both stuck in your own suffocating silences until finally Hermione speaks.

“I think I'm in love with Ron,” Hermione confides.

“I think I'm in love with Lavender,” You admit.

“This sucks,” Hermione whispers.

“I know,” You say truthfully.

Hermione comes with you to your private DA practice that night. She's not like Lavender, she doesn't automatically trust you, but your impatient and need to set free some of your emotions and so you lift her into your arms and run to the room.

“Rude,” Hermione pouts and you shrug.

“We're here though,” You point out and Hermione nods, acknowledging your point.

“Very true,” Hermione agrees, “Shall we?”

Despite Hermione's intelligence and skill, she doesn't last against you as long as Lavender. It's probably because Lavender's used to having to cast much quicker and has better instincts. You offer Hermione pointers, and she nods, correcting as advised but only just making it to forty seconds with no blows landing. You both work hard, practising until one o'clock in the morning when Hermione is forced to give into exhaustion and head back with you to Gryffindor tower. She's successfully managed to up her score to one minute with zero successful blows but you miss Lavender. Fighting Lavender's harder (she'd managed to get to five minutes and was starting to force you to use shields, and she had tactics) but Hermione was only just starting to learn.

A week passes, you and Hermione hope that Ron and Lavender will fizzle out but instead anytime you see them they're making out. It hurts both of you more than your willing to admit and you stay close together, Hermione even goes so far as to come with you into the Hospital Wing although she mostly stays on an empty bed reading books on duelling even though duelling relies mostly on instinct. Hermione accompanies you to your private DA sessions every night, she's getting better although she's constantly frustrated when the books don't help as much as she hopes they will. You both work hard, by the end of the week she's managed to climb to two minutes twenty seconds with one successful blow.

One night, on the way back from DA, you and Hermione make your way to the Gryffindor tower. You're both on the stairs, when Lavender blocks the two of you from the dormitory.

“Where have you been?” Lavender demands and Hermione takes your hand.

“None of your business Brown,” You snap, taking comfort from Hermione's hand in yours.

“Oh, I see. Didn't think you were the type Granger,” Lavender challenges, seeing your interlocked hands. You snort at how ridiculous this whole thing is and Lavender looks at you, hurt. A small sadistic part of you is glad, you hope she feels even a fraction of what she's put you and Hermione through as laughter breaks out of you, cold, humourless and dry.

“The type to do what? Kiss me? Not like I have a girlfriend. So excuse you Brown, but I don't actually care what you think. Now, we're going to bed, goodnight,” You say, shoving past Lavender and pulling Hermione into your dorm. When you get inside, you slump against the wood of the door as Hermione casts a silencing spell.

“I'm sorry Hermione,” You apologise, realising you just used her to hurt Lavender. You look to the ground, ashamed.

“It's fine, I don't mind,” Hermione promises, her voice gentle as she guides your gaze from the floor and to her “Besides, the look on Lavender's face was worth it,”

A sudden groan of annoyance alerts you to someones presence. You'd forgotten about Parvati. You watch as she pushes herself into a sitting position, wiping sleep away from her eyes as she tries to bring herself round – after all, it was late again.

“Let me guess, Hermione loves Ron and Y/N loves Lavender,” Parvati calls out as she pounds her pillow into a comfier position.

“How did you know?” You ask and Parvati sighs.

“You were so obvious and besides Lavender tells me everything,” Parvati says around a huge yawn, “If I were you, I'd fake a relationship. Lavender and Ron are both into you but Lavender doesn't think you're ready to be serious while Ron thinks Hermione's always going to be there. Date each other and you'd prove them wrong,”

“Would it work?” Hermione asks doubtfully and Parvati makes an affirmative noise.

“Why would you tell us this?” You ask and Parvati laughs.

“Lavender's not always good at knowing what she wants. I don't dislike Ron, I just know that Lavender's not in love with him but she is in love with you. She's self-sabatorging, convinced you'll break up,” Parvati tells you.

“Really?” You ask and Parvati gives you a look that seems to question your sanity for doubting her.

“Oh, and one more thing, as a rule I refuse to like or dislike who Lavender dates. I don't care who she's dating if she's happy and safe, but you... sometimes I think you might make me break the rule,” Parvati tells you, she doesn't elaborate in which direction, she just snuggles back into her pillow and falls asleep. You and Hermione exchange glances.

“Are we actually considering this?” You ask, as the two of you make your way over to your bed to talk. Hermione casts a quick muffalo spell before answering.

“I mean... If it'll really work? Maybe. Besides, I want to teach them a lesson and I don't want to go through this ever again,” Hermione tells you and you sigh your agreement.

“Would we be Ok with it?” You ask, scanning Hermione's face.

“I... yes,” Hermione tells you, “Yes, I would be,”

“Than... I suppose there's just one thing left to ask. Hermione Granger, will you be my fake girlfriend?” You ask and Hermione nods.

“I will,” Hermione agrees.

“We should probably think of some backstories to explain this then,” You tell her.

“I'll do mine in the morning, just write whatever you want for how we got together and when you first liked me,” Hermione tells you, heading off your bed and into her own quickly. You smiled sympathetically, she was probably exhausted.

You decide you asked Hermione out in the Library a few days ago, that you'd liked her since first year but hadn't realised you'd been romantically attracted until third year when you kissed her for the Gryfi-tourney. After that, it had taken you a long time to ask her out since you worried that you'd break the friendship but you'd finally worked up the courage to ask. When Hermione wakes, she nods, writes that she's liked you since first year too, had an incline she was attracted to you in third year but dismissed it until you asked her out. Parvati look over to you two, and when you give a nod she heads out of the dormitory.

By the time the two of you are finished and ready for the morning, the Great Hall is already filled with whispered voices. The rumour no doubt helped by Parvati. Each house marks you with a different version:

Slytherin's smirk and say that the mudblood had fallen for the bloodsucker – the filthiness of your bloods must have attracted you.

The Huffelpuffs smile and say that two Gryfindor's have fallen – how great the love must be between the two friends.

Ravenclaws tell of how the Doctor and the brightest witch of the era have fallen – it must be because their brains work so well together.

The Gryfindor's say you are brave. Brave to love. Brave to risk it all. Brave.

Hermione takes your hand and you join her, sitting in front of Harry. He shoots you a bemused look, but reassures Hermione that if she's happy so is he. Ron just scowls.

You're forced to dodge people hurling abuse or support all day, all you want is to get on with your lessons. After lessons, on your way back from the hospital wing Lavender corners you.

“What do you want Brown?” You ask, when she twists you round a corner.

“To give you something Granger can't,” Lavender tells you, moving her mouth closer to you. You flip her around, pinning her to the wall.

“Is that right?” You ask, pushing your face just a little closer but still just out of range. Lavender nods, and you smile, leaning in before pushing her away.

“What?” Lavender protests.

“I'm sorry Brown, but I just don't like you,” You say turning and walking away.

You and Hermione stay away from each other a little bit more now that you're officially a 'couple'. You're less bothered by Lavender and Ron, especially since the two of you flirt whenever anyone's watching. Sometimes Hermione forgets and just casually flirts with you anyway, but it's not a big deal since she's straight anyway. On your month long anniversary, you both surprise each other with a gift.

You've brought Hermione the book on dueling that you were given when you were first learning. She smiles, when you explain and hugs it close to her chest, before standing and hugging you tightly too.

“It's perfect,” Hermione whispers and you smile.

“Well, I do know you Hermione,” You point out and she giggles into your neck.

Hermione hands you a small leather book.

“What is it?” You ask and she smiles.

“So have you heard of two way mirrors? This is like that only instead of talking via mirror it let's you talk through writing and it shows up in my book. I already wrote the enchantments in the front of the book so you know the spells and can make your own,” Hermione explains.

“This is incredible, you're incredible,” You tell her, genuinely awestruck.

Parvati catches you in the hall a little after breakfast.

“You should be careful,” She warns.

“Why?” You ask worriedly, but she just hurries along to her class.

Everything seem to be going well, until that night, when you head to the DA room to see that it's been decorated with mistletoe, holly and baubles. Considering that it's almost Christmas you quickly put it out of your mind when you see the centre of the room.

Twelve spaced out dummies holding sticks with faces that look similar to Ron and Lavender. You turn to Hermione who smiles.

“Did you do this?” You ask and Hermione grins.

“Yes, what do you think?” Hermione asks.

“I think we ought to test it out,” You say, Hermione's grin widens before falling when you pull out your wand. You frown, “You can go first if you want,”

Hermione nods, pulling out her wand and sending a vicious incendio at a dummy of Lavender, which shatters into pieces, before weaving between dummies until all that remains of the dummies are splinters. You let out a low whistle and she blushes.

“Your turn,” She orders and you nod, casting reparo charms before racing through the dummies and demolishing them with such speed that when you reach Hermione she stares at you stunned.

“I'm pretty good, right?” You ask and Hermione laughs, before looking up and you follow her gaze. Mistletoe hangs above your head. You look down to see Hermione leaning closer.

She's a millimetre away when it hits you. She's going to kiss you.

Your lips touch, and you stay still stunned for a moment.

“Um... I....” You try to find the right words when Hermione pulls away.

“Would it really be so bad to make this not fake?” Hermione asks, she's staring down at the ground dejectedly and your heart breaks for her.

“I thought you were in love with Ron,” You remind her and you smell the slight saltiness of tears in the air.

“I am... but I think I'm falling for you. I... have you ever liked more than one person?” Hermione asks, “I feel like that, and it's not like Ron likes me anyway. Why can't we try?”

Your stomach twists as you try sorting everything in your mind. Honestly you'd never really tried to date or kiss someone other than Lavender. You'd known you liked Lavender since you'd met her but you put it out of your mind because you were busy.

For the most part you hadn't actually crushed on anyone else, ever. When you'd kissed Hermione third year, it was because you'd known she wouldn't mind too much and it was better than kissing Lavender.

You'd always just been too busy to notice anyone but Lavender like that. Still, if Lavender could apparently like someone else than so could you? Why shouldn't you try? Especially when Hermione was your best-friend? She was hurting and she needed you.

You reached out, lifting your friends face and taking a deep breath you darted forward and pressed a kiss to your lips. Hermione wasn't a terrible kisser, a little inexperience but you could guide her and yet everything about kissing her just screamed wrong. Everything, from the taste to how you kissed her. She let out a moan and you thought that there were few sounds worse than hearing your best-freind letting out a moan because of you. Her hands wrapped around you and you struggled against the desire to flinch back.

Eventually, you pulled away, shoving on a mask. Hermione smiles, her hand reaching to your face.

“That was amazing,” Hermione whispers and you feel your eyes burning.

“I have to finish some stuff up here, do you think you can make your own way back to the dormitory?” You ask and Hermione nods.

“Of course, I'll see you later,” Hermione promises, placing a kiss to your cheek and you felt it stuck there, burning unpleaseantly. She leaves the room, smiling softly still and you smile weakly back until she's gone. You wait, praying that she'll leave straight away and she does.

You slump to the floor, closing your eyes and letting tears fall. What have you done? You're not in love with Hermione Granger, and kissing her just proved it. What the hell can you do? You can't break it off without hurting Hermione. Why didn't you just reject her? Maybe... maybe you could learn to love her like that? Something at the back of your mind tells you that it won't work but it doesn't matter. You'll try, you owe her that much at least.

You join Hermione in the Great Hall that morning, she curls herself into your arms. You hold her, it isn't too terrible to hug her, until she presses a kiss to your cheek and quests towards your mouth. You kiss her chastily, and then you push her away.

“Everything OK?” Hermione asks, and you lie to her better than you've ever lied before, maybe because she wants it to be true.

“I'm fine, you just need to eat so we can get to lessons,” You lie. Hermione nods, accepting it. Parvati sits a seat away from you. Her eyes tell you she knows. You drop her gaze, unable to face it, because of course she knew this was coming – she warned you.

Hermione holds your hand as you make your way to your lesson. You frown internally, trying to think of an excuse to get her to release you but nothing springs to mind.

“Careful you two or you're going to get found out,” Parvati calls from behind you.

“I'm sorry?” Hermione asks politely.

“I'm just saying, you two have gone through your clingy stage. If you keep holding on then it'll look suspicious,” Parvati explains and Hermione pouts but let's go off your hand.

“I actually have to talk to Parvati about something,” You lie to Hermione.

“Oh, Ok. I'll see you soon,” Hermione says, she kisses you and you hastily press a kiss back to her lips, before pulling away. You watch as she leaves, until it's just you and Parvati in an empty corridoor.

“So...” Parvati says, trailing off as she stares after where Hermione went.

“So,” You agree, trying to breath normally but failing.

“What happened?” Parvati asks and you cast a few silencing charms.

“She kissed me, last night. I-I kissed her back because I thought maybe I could make it work - she's my best-freind!” You start and Parvati shakes her head.

“No, she's your girlfriend,” She reminds you and you shake your head.

“I can't think about that,” You tell her and she shakes her head.

“You don't have a choice. You are her girlfriend now, the only thing is, what are you going to do about it?” Parvati asks and you shudder.

“I don't know, I wish I knew what was wrong. She's my best-friend, she's attractive and an ok kisser but I don't... I've never loved anyone but Lavender and I can't... I'm trying really hard to love her but... It's not working. Every time she kisses me I feel sick,” You admit, feeling ashamed and trying to.

“You have to do something,” Parvati tells you, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“WHY?” You ask, something inside you prickling defiantly, “BECAUSE OF LAVENDER? LAVENDER DOESN'T CARE! SHE'S BUSY WITH WEASEL!”

“No, because-” Parvati starts, confusion on her face.

“Just leave it. I'm fine, I'll be fine,” You lie.

You find Hermione in the library at lunch. She smiles when she sees you, and you lean close and kiss her, quickly. Quickly, she's wrapped around you, your whole body shakes.

“That was-” Hermione starts, but you're running out of the library, not bothering to pay attention to anyone as you twist yourself into your animagus and then you're off, hurtling through the air like one giant, feathery cannon-ball. It didn't work.

You try again, a few days later, but every time you touch you feel sick. You spend half of your day avoiding her and the other half trying to work out how to love her. It never works.

You come across Hermione a week later, she's got a book on the table before her, and she's crying quietly. Suddenly, touching her isn't a facade.

“Hey, what's wrong?” You ask, laying a hand on your friends shoulder.

“I know... I know you don't love me,” Hermione tells you and you freeze, as she turns her head and looks up at you with a tear-stained face.

“Hermione,” You whisper but she shakes her head.

“You aren't denying it,” Hermion points out, and she scoffs, “I suppose I should've known,”

“How do you know?” You ask and Hermione smiles weakly through her tears, as she points to a passage in the text before her.

_Like werewolves, vampires too have a mate. For a long time, it was debated as to why they'd mate but eventually a theory was agreed. Vampires theoretically last forever, unable to get sick or die and therefore they search for that perfect companion with whom they can spend forever with. I asked one vampire what it was like to find his mate and he explained it's impossible to love anyone else quite the same as you love your mate. 'All other relationships, no matter their previous intensity become entirely platonic' he told me. Due to ministry laws on biting, most vampires have already found their mate and so there hasn't been a case for forty or so years..._

“I have a mate?” You ask, but it makes sense in your head suddenly. Lavender.

“Yes, Lavender, no doubt,” Hermione tells you and your whole body seems to light on fire when you realise.

“I'm so sorry Hermione,” You apologise.

“Why?” She asks, “It's not like you can change it,”

“I'm sorry, I tried to love you Hermione. I did, I just... I didn't know about this,” You tell her and Hermione smiles weakly.

“Yeah, well, neither did I,” Hermione tells you and you look at her.

“I know this is selfish, but can we still be friends?” You ask and Hermione smiles.

“Always, even if I can't have you like that, I'll never turn away my best-friend,” Hermione promises. Hesitantly, you pull her into your arms.

“Thank you, thank you,” You tell her and she smiles before asking a question with a scholars interest.

“So what was it like trying to date someone who wasn't your mate?” Hermione asks.

“Like if you tried to kiss Harry,” You tell her and Hermione wrinkles her nose in disgust.

“Ewww, ah,” Hermion says with sudden understanding.

“How did you know to look?” You ask and Hermione shrugs.

“You weren't happy. I could tell,” Hermione explains and you nod.

Hermione and you break up. Neither of you know if the relationship did what it was supposed to, but it's too hard to try to continue knowing how you feel about each other.

However a week later, it becomes clear that your plan had indeed worked or perhaps it was something else. You didn't really care, because on the day it happened you were too concerned with trying to save a boy's life to be bothered.

Ron Weasley is admitted to the Hospital Wing, he's been poisoned. Despite the beozar Harry shoved down his throat, he's still in a very delicate stage. No matter what Harry seems to think, shoving a beazor down the throat of someone is not really the best idea. Especially since it was a stone, not intended for ingestion until used in a potion. Therefore, while it did stop the poison it caused several other problem. You don't disapprove of Harry's actions, the fact is Ron will live, the only problem is he now needs several hours of concentrated spell-work to remove the stone, undo the scratched up bleeding of his throat and try to remove any other traces of the poison and ingredient.

Eventually, having done everything you can, all that's left is to get Ron's body to heal itself, you flop into a chair near the side of the room. You're exhausted though you can't sleep, you just need a second. You're still sat in the chair when Lavender arrives.

“WON – WON!” Lavender yells, racing over to him and throwing her arms around him. Hermione takes a hesitant step towards Ron. You watch with baited breath as Ron stirs.

“Hermione,” Ron whispers. Lavender leaps away as Hermione runs to Ron's side and hugs him tightly. Lavender's face falls. You stay planted in place, but the sound of her crying reaches your ears and it tears you apart.

“What's wrong with me?” Lavender asks, when you open the broom closet she's in.

“What do you mean?” You ask, quietly, trying to keep it all in check.

“Why can't I find anyone who like me? Why do they all want someone else?” Lavender asks, she moves as if to throw her arms around you but you step back quickly.

“Sorry, what?” You ask. Lavender's eyes widen slightly, “Do you have any idea what it took for me to ask you out? Then you started making-out with Ron Weasley! I liked you, but you know what, I'd rather be alone forever than with someone like you!”

Lavender open and shuts her mouth in disbelief. You shake your head and leave. You don't care if she's your mate, what's so good about romance anyway? You don't need Lavender, you have your friends and family.

The weeks before the end of school slowly tick by. You hold your head up high, while Lavender hangs her head low. She pulls you aside one day and you raise an eyebrow.

“Brown,” You greet and Lavender looks at you with such a hopeless expression.

“Hermione told me I'm your mate,” Lavender whispers, “Is it true?”

“No. You're nothing to me,” You tell her, she grabs hold of your hand and you pause.

“I'm obviously not nothing to you,” Lavender tells you and you look at her.

“You meant something to me once, true. Then you made-out with Ron, after we went on a date. So no, Brown, you don't mean a thing to me,” You tell her, wrenching your arm from Lavender's grasp and walking away.

You fall out with Hermione for three days. She shouldn't have told Lavender, but when she apologises you make back up. She's your best-friend, and she accepted and supported you through everything. You still don't talk to Lavender though.

Despite the drama of the term, you hadn't forgotten Albus was dying – how could you? - but you'd figured that you still had a few months left. Still the knowledge of your friends death being so soon lead you to spend nights in the black lake trying (and failing) to deal with it.

It's on one of those morning, when you resurface that you find a green skull hanging over the Headmaster's tower and a smell... a smell that was just the pure scent of rot and death. You stood on shaky feet, knowing but unable to think it yet. You raced towards the smell. Someone pay for this.

You get to the doors of the castle, when more death-eaters than you can count stream out. Wand in hand, you confront them. It's reckless, foolish and... you don't care. You cast two stunning spells in quick succession, they move fast enough that you manage to catch two death-eaters by surprise. They crumple to the ground, but spells race towards you and you're forced to shield yourself.

Your dodge out the way of more spells, throwing more stunning spells whenever you sense an opening. You're gaining the upper-hand, until you mistake an enemy for an ally.

“Sectumsempra,” Severus Snape sneering voice yells. Your chest feels like fire, and you gasp as it tears itself to bits. Your thrown backwards and you see white temporarily.

“Crucio,” A second voice coos. You feel the burn tearing up your body, claws burrowing their way into your skin and bones cracking. You have just enough time to find yourself mark-less when the spell is eased up before the voice screams out at you once again.

“CRUCIO!” It roars, and you feel bones splinter, claws ripping chunks of your flesh from your body and your insides being scorched as an inferno burns through you.

“ENOUGH BELLA! LET'S GO!” Severus Snape roars and people start to run. Some step over you but most kick you, step on you or walk across you.

“Y/N?” A voice whispers, has it been aeons or just ten minutes? You can't see, your eyes have fallen shut and they're too heavy to open. There's no unconsciousness to take you away just a bitter flame that never seems to want to claim it's victim.

“Y/N!” The voice screams, and you force your eyes open at the only voice that could get you to even consider it. Lavender.

“What do I do? What do I do?” Lavender asks, you see tears forming in her eyes and you try to fit her words to the puzzle in your head. You slip away from the pain.

“Hospital,” You whisper and Lavender cast a levitation charm and then she runs, until your in the Hospital Wing. By the time she moves you into a bed you've bitten through your lip trying not to cry out. She grips your hand and you hold hers tightly.

You try to keep your suffering silent, there are many patients in the hospital wing. You aren't sure exactly what happened but you know one thing. Albus is dead. Across from you Bill Weasley's face has been savaged. You try to get your wand, perhaps you could help?

“Stop,” Lavender orders, taking your wand from you. If you could open your mouth without exposing yourself you would but you can't. Lavender shakes her head, “You can't even talk and you're still trying to help everyone else? Doctor, I think you have a problem,”

Madame Pomfrey comes over when she hears Lavender's voice. She casts a diagnostic charm to find out the whole list of what's wrong with you. Her eyes fill with horrified disgust and Lavender's hand grips yours even tighter.

Madame Pomfrey starts casting healing spells. You can only wait for the crucio's to wear off. She cast a scourigfy spell and the dried blood is cleaned away only to be replaced by a new layer of blood. Madame Pomfrey stabilises the wound, and then orders Lavender to rub dittany into your wounds. The dittany doesn't end your pain but it knits your chest together.

“Thank you,” You whisper to Lavender. She doesn't say anything and you fear you were too quiet until you see that she's crying, “Lavender?”

“I thought you were dead,” Lavender cries.

“I am,” You joke and Lavender shakes her head.

“It's not funny,” Lavender tells you and you sigh.

“I'm sorry,” You apologise and Lavender looks at you.

“How did you get like this? I know you could overpower a death-eater with ease but you were like... this,” Lavender points out.

“How did you find me? Were you looking?” You ask quietly, trying to buy yourself time.

“All the less injured fighters were told to find the other fighters,” Lavender explains but she still looks at you expectantly.

“I saw the dark-mark, and I knew Albus was dead. He is ...was my friend.. and when I smelt him ... knew they'd killed him... I wanted revenge. There were a group when I ran to the doors, and I tried to take them all on,” You tell her.

“How many?” Lavender asks and you stare down, “How many?”

“Too many to count,” You tell her quietly. Lavender inhales deeply and you know she's mad.

“Are you feeling ok?” Lavender asks.

“Look, I know I shouldn't have taken on so many but... I was angry, and upset. I'd just found out, and I had to. He was my friend!” You yell, “And why do you care anyway? You wanted Ron, not me. I'm the one who's mated! I'm the one who can't walk away, and what? You don't want to loose someone who loves you? Need someone to adore you? I won't do that!”

“NO! No... I... you're too good for me, too selfless, you should be with someone better. Hermione's perfect for you. Smart, kind, brave, you two talk about things that almost no one else in the world could grasp – why the hell would you want me? I already know you're attracted to her, you kissed her in third year! You think you're the only one who can't walk away Doctor? Well you're wrong. I love you,” Lavender yells back.

“What?” You ask stunned, “You really thought me and Hermione were a good fit?”

“YES! I know she likes you, I knew that eventually you'd end up with her. You love her, you were just passing time with me!” Lavender

“You're right, she likes me, loves me even. I love her too, but you have... no idea what it's like to be mated. See the world seems to have decided I have to love you and no one else. Do you know I've never had an actual romance with someone? I came to Hogwarts and met more people than I even knew existed. I met you on the train to Hogwarts and I can't think of even kissing without feeling physically repulsed. Do you know how messed up that is? Especially since you're incapable of being in a relationship with me because... what? You're scared?” You rant, “I'm terrified. I don't know how to do this, I never asked for this. My life would be so much easier if I could love Hermione Granger but I can't. I love you,” You rant.

“I don't believe you,” Lavender says, looking away.

“Fine. Believe this,” You tell her, turning her head and pressing a kiss to her lips, trying to say all the things you don't know how to say. You need her to believe you. You're about to pull away, thinking it hasn't worked, that it can't work and then she kisses you back. Her lips spring to life beneath yours and her hands find your waist gently. You wince, not fully healed and she pulls away apologetically.

Despite the happiness of the moment you stole with Lavender in the Hospital Wing, a far more somber event awaits you. Albus' funeral. Fawkes and Vulcan perch on your shoulder. Fawkes cries, and Vulcan's tries to comfort him. Watching them is like looking at a reflection in the mirror, Lavender grips your hand tightly as tears flow freely down your face. Albus treated you like you meant something, he was a good man, a kind man. And.. he was dying, but he was murdered. By Severus Snape. Why kill him? He was dying! Wasn't that enough?

When you head back to your dormitory to pack your belongings you find Hermione in there too. Lavender convinced Parvati to come with her so you could have a moment alone. It's just the two of you, but Hermione doesn't seem to have noticed.

“You ok?” You ask quietly, and Hermione jumps.

“Yeah, sorry, just strange to think this is the last time I'll be here,” Hermione tells you.

“You aren't coming back next year?” You ask and Hermione squirms.

“No, I... Dumbledore left us a mission, something we have to do,” Hermione says biting her lip and you look at her, until she relents and elaborates, “We're looking for something,”

“Got it,” You tell her, joining her as she looks out the window.

“Are you coming back next year?” Hermione asks.

“Yeah, they're going to need healers and so I'll be here. No matter what I have to do,” You tell her and Hermione's hand finds yours.

“There's a war coming, isn't there?” Hermione asks.

“There's always a war,” You answer quietly.

“Will you fight too?” Hermione asks and you nod.

“Yes, I will. You should come with me, to France. I'll probably spend the Summer training, it'd be good to have a sparring partner and a friend,” You tell her and she nods.

“I'll come, but I can't stay long,” Hermione tells you and you nod.

“I know, but I'll take any time I can get,” You tell her.

“You should invite Lavender,” Hermione tells you and you know what she's saying.

“That'd be ok with you?” You ask.

“Yeah, it would. If your happy. What are you and Lavender anyway?” Hermione asks. You'd told her about what happened in the hospital wing, you'd tried not to be descriptive but she asked question after question until you'd told the whole story. She'd told you off for being reckless, but she'd not seemed too bothered and even slightly happy for you and Lavender.

“I don't know,” You admit.

“You should ask,” Hermione tells you.

“I will,” You promise.

You intend to ask Lavender on the train ride home from Hogwarts but it seems like you'll never get the chance. Ten minutes into the train ride, the compartment you claimed for Lavender, Parvati, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Seamus, Dean and Neville (it'd been cramped but you'd cast an undetectable extension charm) was knocked on.

“Excuse me, is one of you a Doctor?” The trolley witch asked, albeit it without her trolley.

“I'm sort of one, yes,” You say standing quickly, “Are you ok?”

“I'm fine, there are lot of injured students at the back of the train,” The trolley witch explains, “They've been fighting,”

That's how you came to find yourself at the back of the train running a hospital wing treating injured students coming from idiotic battles across the four houses. You hate it. They're not enemies! They're kids! They don't have to fight, not yet. Not ever, not if they don't want to.

Lavender finds you after an hour. You finally have a free moment, and so you steel yourself to ask the questions you need to ask her.

“Hermione says you wanted to aske me something?” Lavender tells you.

“Will you come to my house this Summer?” You ask bluntly, getting the easiest out the way first.

“Yes,” Lavender tells you and you smile. Her hand entwines with yours, “Is that all you wanted to ask me Doctor?”

“What are we doing Lavender?” You ask quietly, and she frowns, walking closer to you and perching on one of the crates you'd had to get patients to sit on.

“I don't know. I do know, that I like you though and that I want to be with you,” Lavender tells you and you look at her.

“Then be with me. Be my girlfriend,” You tell her, bluntly and she smiles.

“Only if you'll be mine too,” Lavender tells you and you grin, leaning close and sealing the deal with a kiss. Lavender pulls you tight to her and you hold her face gently. A fire starts I your stomach, as Lavender's legs wrap around you.

A soft cough breaks the two of you apart and you turn to see two more patients for you to treat. You laugh bitterly.

“Looks like I won't get to ride in the train compartment home,” You tell her and Lavender frowns. Suddenly, she leaps from the crate, casting a sonurous charm as she does.

“OK! EVERYONE STOP FIGHTING OR SOON THE DOCTOR WON'T BE ABLE TO HEAL YOU! SLYTHERIN IS IT WORTH WASTING TIME FIGHTING? RAVENCLAW IS IT WISE TO RISK INJURY? GRYFINDOR IS IT BRAVE TO FIGHT FOR NO REASON? HUFFLEPUFF... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS EVEN DOING? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BUILD BRIDGES, NOT TEAR THEM APART!” Lavender yells, surprisingly you don't have to treat anyone else the whole ride home.

“You're amazing,” You tell her as two students leave your 'hospital wing' with sheepish looks on their faces.

“Pthh, compered to you? Na,” Lavender smiles and you shake your head.

“No, really, I'd never be able to do that. You're a true Gryfindor,” You tell her and Lavender smiles.

“Well, you are too,” Lavender tells you and you laugh, “No, really. I mean, the fact you're even here? That you came to where you feared rejection and stayed anyway? Then when your secret was escaping, you confirmed the truth and didn't hide away. That's brave,”

“I never thought about that,” You admitted, “I just had to do it,”

Lavender smiles, pressing a kiss to your lips.

You get back to the carriage, finding a seat's been saved for you and that your friends are all waiting. You smile at them, climbing into the seat. Hermione moves closer to Ron, making space for Lavender to sit by you and subtly getting closer to the boy.

You suggest a game of twenty-one dares only to be surprised when the two voices you thought would champion it don't make a sound. You look over to see the two talking quietly amongst themselves and you awkwardly try to cover your ears to keep their conversation quiet, but you needn't bother since a moment later Seamus jumps from his seat.

“This is stupid!” Seamus yells and Dean stands too, looking hurt.

“I can't come back next year. You know I can't,” Dean protests.

“Why not? Lavender's coming!” Seamus points out.

“Well I can't! They already tried my home, I come back and they'll kill me. My parents had to run,” Dean tells Seamus and Seamus shakes his head.

“I love you! Ok? I love you! I want to know your safe, please don't do this!” Seamus begs.

“You love me?” Dean asks uncertainly.

“Yes, I love you. I'm sorry if you think it's gross, but I have for years and-” Seamus tries to continue but the words are stole when Dean kisses him. The two pull apart just before it gets uncomfortable.

“Look, I still have to go. I do love you Seamus, please don't doubt it,” Dean says and Seamus sighs.

“I know,” Seamus promises.

“Hey Dean? If you need a place to stay, my family can probably look after you. We've a few safe houses and stuff,” You tell him.

“That'd be great. How come you have safe houses though?” Dean asks and you fiddle with your hands awkwardly.

“I can tell you but it goes into the story of how I was bitten,” You tell your friends.

“Then only tell us if you're comfortable,” Hermione tells you and Ron nods.

“Ok. So my mum's an auror and on one case she had to deal with this clan of vampires suspected of feeding off and killing muggles. I don't know if they did or didn't because a few days after my mum started investigating, the French Ministry ordered the eradication of the clan. They warned my mum if it happened they'd go after her daughter but my mum was promised they'd ward the house and make sure no one could get in. A few months after the eradication, my mum thought we were safe – we've had a lot of enemies and empty threats so we thought that was all it was – and then I was attacked. Since then, my mum's refused to take chances. If things ever get serious we've several safe houses so we can escape,” You tell them and they nod.

“What was it like to be bitten?” Seamus asks and you wince.

“Imagine your organ being ripped out of your chest while you're still alive. That. It was worse. It wasn't enough to change me, they had to terrify me, I had months without sleep because of the noises. Some nights they'd touch me, shake me awake and then hide again,” You tell. Lavender hugs you, Hermione grabs your hand and you feel the sympathetic eyes.

Ron lightens the mood and soon you were all laughing. When you got to platform 9 ¾, you said goodbye to your friends. Everyone hugs each other, because no one knows when or if they'll see each other again.

Hermione, Dean, Lavender and you continue on. Hermione pauses and looks at you.

“Can I come along to your house later? I have to see my parents,” Hermione tells you and you pause a sudden incling in your head.

“Hermione, you know we can look after your parents, don't you? We can look after yours too,” You tell your friends.

“That might be a better idea,” Hermione says.

“What were you going to do?” You ask.

“Make them forget me,” Hermione says and you shake your head.

“Idiot,” You tell her bluntly and Hermione hangs her head sheepishly, “Don't worry, we'll look after them,”

When you get to your dad, you have an entourage of nine people. Your dad frowns when he looks at the three kids and six adults.

“Muggleborns?” He asks and you smile.

“And muggles. Can we look after them?” You ask.

“I suppose we'd better,” Your dad tells you, “Auntie?”

The house-elf appears quickly.

“Please will you help us take these people to our home?” You ask and Auntie looks at them and nods. You can apparate two people, as can your dad but that still left five people. Auntie laughs, snapping her fingers and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapters a bit longer, sorry about that. Just a lot happens that'd affect the reader.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think, leave a kudos if I've earned it and most of all see you Saturday!
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Hugo


	13. Before 7th year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's it like to spend a Summer with your friends?

Lavender snuggles closer to you and you look away from your book jut long enough to brush a tendril of hair from her face. She smiles sleepily and slowly starts to stir. You set your book down on the chest of drawers by your bed. You'd been home for nine days, and this was a fairly new development although not one you minded. 

It was on the fifth day that Lavender turned up outside your room.

“Is everything ok?” You'd asked concerned, having open your bedroom door to find Lavender in her pyjamas.

“I'm just scared to sleep alone,” Lavender told you and you'd frowned slightly.

“I can make you some hot chocolate,” You offered not quite getting what she meant.

“Can't I just stay here?” Lavender asked.

“OK, I'll get some books and then leave,” You told her and Lavender sighed.

“Y/N, can I sleep in the same bed as you, please?” Lavender asked finally.

“Oh... Yes, I'd like that,” You said, feeling like a fool but in your defence you didn't sleep so it didn't naturally occur to you that anyone would want to sleep besides you.

Now every night, you cuddled Lavender to sleep while you read. It was strange, normally the nights felt lonely but with Lavender you felt far from alone. You weren't particularly concerned about being caught, because Lavender was an early riser and you had such good hearing that you could easily get her to her own room before somebody walked in.

“Hey,” Lavender whispers sleepily into your neck and you smile.

“Hey, how did you sleep?” You ask, pressing a light kiss to her forehead.

“Wonderful, I had the best pillow,” Lavender says, cuddling closer to you. For a moment you both stay cocooned in the arms of the other arms and then Lavender gets up to go for a shower. You pick up your book and finish it. When Lavender comes back, you turn your back to give her privacy and head off for your own shower.

Finally, the two of you are ready to face the day. Lavender takes your hand and you pause for a second, listening before finally nodding. No one will notice the two of you leaving your room together. You both head downstairs to the breakfast table where your mother (or the Sergeant as Lavender had affectionately nicknamed her) was waiting for you. 

Lavender grabbed a bowl of porridge, and started eating while you waited for your mum to call the others down. So far this Summer, everyone had been forced to be awake before eight o'clock. As the clock ticked closer and closer, to eight, one by one your friends arrived.

Hermione is the next person down, she's used to rising early to study. Despite her being used to rising early, she was not a morning person. She collected her porridge bowl, silently, eyes bleary. Hermione didn't say a word while Lavender talked with your mother happily.

“What's for today's training ma'am?” Lavender asks, she'd been more enthusiastic about training then most of the others and she'd made significant strides with her training. You were almost an undefeatable champion due to the simple speed of you being a vampire but your mother wasn't one of Frances best aurors for no reason and she was still miles ahead of everyone.

“First hour; laps, second hour; physical attacks, third hour; duelling, fourth hour; healing and then you are all free for the rest of the day,” Your mother tells you and you nod. Four hours work wasn't too much but it was rather strenuous, especially since your mother set extra hard tasks for you to ensure you were challenged.

A sleepy, messy haired boy stumbled downstairs accompanied by two older identical looking boys. Adam smiles, taking his porridge bowl, while Gabriel and Dean grumpily file into separate seats. Gabriel ruffles your hair and you smile while pretending to be annoyed.

Finally, once everyone's finished their breakfast, your mother gets to her feet and leads you all out to the Quidditch hoops in the garden. They're eight hundred metres apart while the Quidditch World Cup hoops are just under two thousand metres apart.

“ALRIGHT! I WANT AT LEAST THREE LAPS! YOU SHALL NOT STOP UNTIL THE END OF THE HOUR. UNDERSTOOD?” Your mum yells.

“UNDERSTOOD MA'AM! READY!” Lavender yells and slightly less enthusiastic calls come from the rest of the assembled teenagers.

“Y/N, TWENTY-FIVE LAPS,” Your mum orders and you wince, this was going to hurt. It was OK though, you could handle it. This was the area you'd have no difficulty with since oxygen wasn't required although your bodies movement did make you faster and stronger. Above you, Fawkes and Venus raced, joining your training. Auntie joined you all too, preparing to do a single lap (Hermione had at first been angry when she met the house-elf until you told her that Auntie was considered a part of the family, free to do as she pleased and banned from self-punishment. You'd even suggested her trying to involve your family in her organisation SPEW which they had taken up with gusto when they all one of their favourite family members was not permitted to do).

Your mum starts to run, and you all follow. Your mum can usually do ten to fifteen laps, normally when you thought of your mum you thought of a sweet kind woman but when she was training you all, she unleashed her sterner, tougher side. You know it was because of the face that she was so desperately worried about you going to fight in a war one day soon.

It was an hour later, when you were all permitted a short break, your father appeared with a tray of butter-beer. Lavender flopped to the ground besides you, she'd been determined to match your mother lap by lap. Lavender was closer today, managing eight laps to your mothers thirteen, Gabriel and Adam had both managed five laps, Dean had managed four and a half since he used to play... foot-a-ball? The training had been hardest for Hermione since she never been into physical activity but the twins encouraged her so she kept going.

You had just enough time for the others to drink their butter-beers and snuggle a little with Lavender before Lavender's father appeared on the front-steps as did her mother. They taught the next hour as it was a class that even your mum was inexperienced with physical fighting methods. This was the joint favourite lesson after Dean showed you a few dozen martial arts films on the night of arrival.

This was a class that Lavender particularly enjoyed since it was the only one she ever managed to beat you in. Lavender could flip you over her back and land you on the ground, she was way more experienced than you and while you were a fast learner you weren't fast enough yet. You all switched opponents based on who won or lost a bout.

You ended up near the top but beneath Lavender's parents, Lavender and your mother but still above your brothers and friends.Then came the duelling that Lavender's parents could not take part in; no activity was mandatory but all participated. You were the second best dueller but everyone was improving rapidly from where they first were. 

Then there was healing, where you were the teacher. You pulled up practice dolls and got the others to practice on them. They weren't terrible but you wouldn't be setting anyone free on an actual patient for a long time.

When it was over for the day, everyone sat down exhausted and Dean's parents cooked for you all. Everyone took it in turns to cook; Lavender's parents on Mondays, Dean's on Tuesday's, yours Wednesdays, you and Lavender Thursday, the twins on Friday, Hermione and Dean on Saturday and everyone pitched in on Sunday. All of your friends parents tried to convince you to eat, they didn't really get it when you said you were a vampire and while you'd tried to explain that while it was a kind gesture you just weren't able to accept it they still hadn't quite gotten it. Thankfully, you were always able to discreetly pass the food around to various people who did actually understand.

Ordinarily, after dinner, your mother would pull Hermione aside to teach her about how to survive in the wilder places and how to set wards but this time was different. This time your dinner is interrupted when an owl arrives for Hermione. She reads the note and then frowns. You watch her, a stone sinking in your stomach. Hermione was the one who'd be fighting the war the soonest and you had no way of keeping her safe. Of keeping any of them.

“Where are you going and when?” You ask.

“Tonight. I'm going to take the floo to the -,” Hermione starts but your mum cuts her off.

“Careful, if you don't know you can trust us don't say anything!” Your mum chides.

“I do trust you all, but perhaps I should stay silent,” Hermione tells you.

“Probably, take me with you Hermione,” You request and Lavender grips your arm.

“It's going to be dangerous,” Hermione tells you and you nod.

“I know,” You tell her.

“There might not be enough brooms... or other methods of transport to take you,” Hermione points out and in answer you switch to your animagus form.

“I'm going if you're going,” Fawkes tells you, “I'll steal wands or whatever anything that messes with those...”

“Fawkes don't,” You tell him.

“They killed my friend. I loved Albus, I believed in what he said, I wish I could just...” Fawkes says, trailing off not able to finish the sentence.

“Than practice what he preached, do not carry hate into battle. Carry the love of a friend who is gone,” You tell him and Fawkes nods.

“I won't kill anyone, but I'm going to do everything I can. Break their wands, heal the wounded and above all else I'll help that boy get to safety,” Fawkes tells you and you nod.

“Then to the heart of battle we go,” You promise before turning back to your regular form.

“You'll need to get a portkey set up to take you back here,” Hermione tells you.

“No problem,” You tell her, “Tell me everything I'm going to need to know,”

“I'll set the portkey,” Your mum tells you, “In the meantime, everyone out. Be sure to cast the silencing charms, OK?”

“Will do,” You promise, you keep Fawkes and Hermione in the room as everyone leaves. A silencing charm is put in place and you both look at each other.

“OK, apparating to the Burrow in about four hours, we should grab our wands or whatever you think you're going to need,” Hermione tells you and you nod.

“Got it, I'll take my wand but I'm going to have some trouble keeping it on me,” You tell her and she frowns, chewing her lips as she thinks.

“I'll try a few spells on a bag, so that it let's you carry it even in Phoenix form. It can be an early birthday present,” Hermione offers and you smile.

“You don't have to,” You tell her and Hermione smiles.

“I want to, I don't actually know when I'll see you again,” Hermione tells you and the words hang heavily in the air until you clear your throat.

“I'm going to say goodbye to everyone,” You tell her and she nods. You both knew goodbye would be a lengthy process.

Dean is the easiest to say goodbye to, you aren't that close but he is your friend. Then you say goodbye to Vulcan before letting Fawkes say his own goodbyes. The next people you say goodbye to are the parents of your friends. Dean's parents are confused, Hermione's are agitated only just understanding the danger their child's been put in. Lavender's parents surprise you though.

“Stay safe, please. Our daughter needs you and you seem like a good person,” Lavender's Dad tells you, taking your hand.

“I'll try to, Lavender's my best-friend,” You tell him and he shakes his head.

“She loves you and you love her. I know you're dating, it's OK, but please stay safe,” Lavender's Dad begs and you look at him.

“I'll do my best,” You promise.

Saying goodbye to your parents and your brothers is almost unbearable. They understand and respect your decision though they are all too aware that this could be the last time they ever see you. Gabriel and Adam take you out and you both walk around for a while talking and playing like you did when you were younger. Your mum gives you as much practical advice as she can, your dad wraps you in a rib-crushing hug and cries into your hair.

Saying goodbye to Lavender is the hardest though. It's late when you find her to say goodbye, almost night-time.

“Don't go,” Lavender begs and you shake your head.

“I need to know Hermione stays safe, I can't stick around here. She's my best-friend,” You tell her and Lavender shakes her head.

“Please, don't.” Lavender begs you again and you shake your head, pulling her into your arms. You hold her tight to you and press a kiss to her that tells her everything you hope you'll get a chance to say to her decades later.

“Close your eyes,” You whisper, “and keep them closed,”

“Why?” Lavender asks.

“Please,” You ask her and she nods. Lavender's eyes close, and you carry her over to your bed and hug her tightly.You rock her back and forth.

“Why do I have to keep my eyes closed?” Lavender asks through a small yawn.

“So that when you open them it'll be like I was never gone,” You tell her, rocking her back and forth over and over. Lavender starts to fall asleep and you hug her tightly, you're scared out of your mind but you want to be there, to help Hermione. When you set Lavender back down, she's fast asleep. You press a kiss to her cheek and then head out into the hall.

“Auntie,” You whisper and the House-elf appears within seconds.

“Is it finally my turn to get a goodbye?” Auntie asks and you hug her tightly.

“Goodbye Auntie,” You tell her and you feel the house-elf drip tears onto you.

“You know it really has felt like, all this time, you've been my family and I yours. You truly seem like my niece,” Auntie tells you.

“You always seemed like my Aunt, I love you Auntie,” You tell her and she smiles.

“I love you too,” Auntie tells you, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Only do it if you don't mind, but would you be so kind as to fetch Neville Longbottom, Parvati Patil and Semaus Finnegan for my friends?” You ask and Auntie smiles.

“As long as they agree to it, of course,” Auntie promises and you smile.

“Thank you, for everything Auntie,” You thank her and Auntie smiles sadly.

“Go on now, and this better not be the last time we talk!” Auntie tells you and you nod.

You floo to the Burrow with Hermione and Fawkes, from there you are taken to the house Harry Potter stayed in. Everyone is tense when you first arrive but when you show off your animaguis form, they see Fawkes and Remus, Fred and George vouch for you no one bothers you anymore. The real Mad-eye Moody orders you to scout the area. You hover there in the air waiting for the first signs of anything and you and Fawkes talk to each other.

“We should probably say goodbye,” Fawkes tells you.

“We'll see each other again,” You tell him and he shakes his head.

“No, maybe we will, but if Albus' death taught me anything it's not to pass up the chance to tell a loved one how you feel especially in a situation like this,” Fawkes tells you.

“Well I suppose that's fair. I love you Fawkes, you've been a true friend. I counted on you and I love you and if I don't make it out of here, look after Lavender, please,” You tell him and Fawkes chuckles.

“Don't worry, she can take care of herself she's a fiery one but of course I shall look over her,” Fawkes tells you, “I hope you'll do the same for Vulcan,”

“Of course,” You promise.

“Good, I love that man. I also love you, we don't meet many people like you or Albus as phoenix's and I want you to know that you are the second best-friend I've ever had,” Fawkes tells you and you nod.

“Thank you, so are you,” You tell him and he smiles.

The sudden appearance of dozens of brooms suddenly flying into the air alerts both of you. The two of you take off in perfect unison flying a little distance away, and then you see the first death-eater.

“GO! GO! GO!” Fawkes yells and you nod, the two of you separating to cause havoc amongst the death-eaters. You grab the first ones wand and snap it, he shrieks but you ignore him, there is more, too much more to do. You fly forth, grabbing and breaking wands, throwing some out of the air and obscuring death-eaters vision in order to stop them being able to aim accurately.

Mad-eye Moody goes down, dies right in front of you. The death makes you panic for a moment, where are you friends? You can't see Fawkes anymore, nor Hermione.

“FAWKES!” You yell, desperately.

“I'M HERE!” He yells back and you see him a few metres away, you fly towards him, clawing at someones eyes as you do. You have to keep ducking and diving around brooms, it's like swimming in Quick-sand.

“FAWKES!” You yell again, loosing sight of him.

“HERE!” He yells a few metres to the right and behind. You curve in front of eyes as you try to get over to him.

“Fawkes!” You say finally able to breath easily at the sight of him. And then a bolt of green light hits him square in the chest. He stays still for a moment, and then he falls backwards and starts to plummet towards the ground. Dead.

“FAWKES!” You scream, but he can't hear you. The scent of rot reaches your nostrils. He's dead.

After that, everything's a blur. You remember clawing at the eyes of Death-eaters, breaking wands and screaming over and over for your friend. Why does this always happen? Why? First Cedric, then Albus and now Fawkes. Then you see it. The reason why. Nothing else matters. You fly besides the form of the man who stole the people you love, he doesn't know you're there. He has a single-minded determination. He holds a broken wand. You smirk, and then you sink your claws into his neck and pull him up. He's not in control anymore, you are. You hold him up and then you hurl him towards the ground. He screams, and for a moment he's falling uncontrollably and then he's flying away again. You can't see your friends anymore and everyone else is retreating so you fly alone for a while until you see a home held together with magic. You can't be seen, you're hiding yourself. You dive towards the home and land on the mud outside. Hermione runs out when she hears you, but you ignore her, smelling blood. Everything can wait.

You hurry inside to find George Weasley with a bleeding ear. You shake your head, it's a dark curse but despite most beliefs there are certain things that can be done to stop some dark effects. You can't bring George's ear back, but you can construct a new one with magic. You get to it and when you're done, you leave the room and sit in the hall for a while letting shock wash over you. Voices are all around you but you can't hear them.

Fawkes is dead. 

Fawkes is dead. 

Fawkes is dead. 

Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Dead. Dead. He's dead. He's dead. Fawkes is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Fawkes. Albus. Cedric. Dead. Dead. Dead. Fiery. Blue. Brown. Dead. Dead. Dead. Feathery. Bespectacled. Strong. Dead. Dead. Dead. Old. Old. Young. Dead. Dead. Dead. Red. White. Brown. Dead. Dead. Dead. Best-friend. Friend. Almost friend. Dead. Dead. Dead. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. THEY WERE DEAD. ALL DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEA-

A hand slaps you across the face and you're pulled from your spiral. Your face stings, whoever slapped you must have slapped you really hard.

“Hermione?” You asks and Hermione looks at you.

“Alastor Moody is dead,” Hermione tells you.

“I know. I saw. So's Fawkes,” You tell her.

“Oh Merlin! I'm so sorry,” Hermione tells you, wrapping you in a hug. You knew Fawkes like she could never. You talked to him. About everything. About anything. You break down and cry for Fawkes, for Albus, for Cedric. The people you loved that were taken. You cried for a long time, until finally you were out of tears and you knew you had to go before Lavender could wake up to you gone.

“I have to go. Thank you Hermione,” You tell her.

“Anytime. Try not to die,” Hermione tells you, pulling you in for a tight hug.

“You too,” You tell her, and there's a bitter humour in your parting,

“I love you!” Hermione calls and you smile at her, a fresh well of tears forming.

“I love you too!” You tell her and then you touch the bottle of perfume belonging to your mother.

Vulcan greets you immediately the second you arrive. He's waiting for Fawkes but he takes the moment to nibble your ear affectionately. Then he looks around for Fawkes. It hits you, that it's you who has to tell him that Fawkes is dead. His boyfriend's dead. You turn your back, and head off to grab a vial of blood. You could wait a few days but you need to delay this for just a few more moments, and then you can't delay it anymore. You switch forms and turn to face Vulcan.

“Where's Fawkes?” Vulcan asks and you grit your teeth.

“Y/N. Where's Fawkes?” Vulcan asks again and then you force the words out of the way.

“He's dead,” You tell him.

“Don't mess around!” Vuclan yells and you shake your head.

“I'm not. He's dead,” You tell him and Vulcan's chest heaves.

“He's not dead,” Vulcan tells you.

“He is. He's dead. He's dead. I'm so sorry, he's dead,” You tell him and Vulcan shakes.

“I'm leaving. I'll be back to fight. I can't be here anymore,” Vulcan tells you and you nod.

“He loved you. Told me to look after you,” You tell him.

“I'm fine on my own. He was an idiot. Human's affairs are not ours. He thought he was human. This is your fault. This is your fault! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” Vulcan yells and you struggle, “I'll be back to finish this for him. Not for you. For him. I love him,”

Then Vulcan left and you were all alone. You switch back to your regular form and then head downstairs and to the basement. Vulcan wasn't wrong. This was your fault. If you'd let Hermione go alone than Fawkes wouldn't have come with you. This was your fault. You could have kept him from the battle. Vulcan wouldn't hate you and most importantly Fawkes would be here. Fawkes would be chirping and joking. Fawkes should be here but he's not because he's dead. Fawkes is dead. Your best-friend for six years is dead. He's dead.

You stay on the floor, grieving for a long time and then you look for a reason to get up. You have to get up somehow. Lavender. You promised Lavender that when she awoke it'd be like you never left. You have to go to Lavender.

Your legs shake as you climb up the two flights of stairs. Lavender's awake, and waiting when you climb into the room. Her hand takes yours and she watches you.

“Are you injured?” Lavender asks and you don't answer for a second just hold her hand.

“I'm fine. Harry and Hermione are safe. Alastor Moody is dead and... and so is Fawkes,” You tell her and she holds you tight to her as a second bout of tears escape you. Lavender rocks you back and forth as you cry. She doesn't tell you that it'll be OK, or that Fawkes died a hero, she just lets you cry over the death of your best-friend.

When you go downstairs the next morning, everyone seems so chipper and happy and it feels wrong. Granted you've yet to tell them that Fawkes is dead and Vulcan's left but it feels wrong anyway. You can't find the words, so you asks Lavender to tell them. You go back upstairs and try to hide away and pretend it's not happening but it is. Fawkes has slipped beyond the veil and you'll never see him again.You'll never see him or Albus or Cedric.

A sudden commotion downstairs has you on your feet and racing downstairs. Your mother, your friends and the twins are on their feet, transfixed by something in the corner. You hear footsteps as your friends parents and your dad race downstairs to help.

“Good morning, would you like some porridge?” You ask Parvati, Neville and Seamus. You're ignored by Seamus in favour of throwing himself towards his best-friend and boyfriend. The two boys fall to the floor.

“I'll take some, smells nice,” Parvati tells you.

“Same here,” Neville tells you and you nod, stepping over the two boys who are still on the floor as you make them up some porridge.

“Thank you Auntie,” You call.

“No problem, thanks for not dying. Where are Fawkes and Vulcan?” Auntie asks and you swallow the lump in your throat. You have to say it.

“Fawkes is dead. Vulcan left,” You say bluntly, like ripping off a plaster. Auntie runs at you and you hug her tightly to you. Auntie cries into your shoulder and you let more tears fall for your best-friend. Finally you both let go and you serve the (now slightly cold) porridge to Parvati and Neville. Seamus and Dean are off the floor, but still hold hands under the table. Neville is forced to take a seat between Gabriel and Dean. Parvati sits between Adam and Lavender. Seamus sits between your mother and Dean.

“We can skip training for today,” Your mum tells you as you stand at the back of the room. Lavender's glaring at people so hard that few dare to look at you while you try to pull yourself back under control.

“No. I think that'd be worse. Let's do this,” You tell her and she nods. The four teenagers who have already been through the training hurry to eat their porridge while three others look confused.

“Sorry, I didn't quite catch your names dears,” Your mother says to the three newcomers.

“Neville Longbottom ma'am, nice to meet you,” Neville says, automatically securing brownie points for introducing himself so politely. Smart boy.

“Seamus Finnegan, it's good to meet you,” Seamus says, offering his hand. He must remember how you introduced yourself the first year you met him.

“Parvati Patil,” Parvati introduces herself.

“Do you three want to join the training?” Your mum asks and you snicker quietly when Gabriel whispers to Neville, say no, but then you think of Fawkes and feel guilty.

“Sounds fun, I'm in,” Neville tells her and you watch as your brothers and Dean share a look that says, is he serious?

“I'm in too, I'm curious as to what it's like,” Seamus says and Dean shakes his head slightly.

“I'll do it if you're doing it,” Parvati says to Lavender who nods.

“Excellent let's get going!” Your mum calls leading the way to your Quidditch pitch.

“You have one hour, four laps. On your marks... GO!” Your mum yells and the people already versed in this activity start to run at a sensible pace while the three newcomers start to run too fast for them to possibly maintain. You run at twice the pace your used to. You want to stop thinking, caring. You run and run and run until you can't think.

About half an hour in, you hear your mum yell something. You don't pay attention. You don't have time to. Keep moving, keep going. Everything hurts. Doesn't matter, keep going. Onward. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and o-

A body bind charm hits you and you fall to the floor. When you hit the ground, you're forced to come back to reality. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead. Fawkes is dead.

“You're bleeding,” Lavender tells you as you feel a spell being lifted.

Fawkes is dead. Albus is dead. Cedric is dead.

“Y/N, look at me. Y/N, please, look at me,” Lavender begs.

Fawkes is dead. Albus is dead. Cedric is dead. Lavender's here. Lavender's here. Lavender needs you. Can't fade away. Can't disappear. Lavender. Lavender. Lavender.

“I'm OK,” You tell her and Lavender pulls you tight to her.

“No, you're not and that's OK, but you'll get better. It's just going to hurt,” Lavender tells you and you let yourself cry again as Lavender rocks you in her arm over and over. You feel two more pairs of arms and you know your brothers are here too. Someone starts to heal your feet that have blistered and bleed and you know it's your mum. You let yourself be held in a cocoon of love for a few more minutes and then you get up.

“Can we keep going?” You ask and your mum sighs.

“It depends on whether or not this is going to happen again,” Your mum says gesturing to your feet.

“I'll take it easier, I promise,” You tell her and she sigh.

“I'm trusting you,” Your mum tells you and you nod.

You keep your promise, and every day gets a little easier. You can't stop living just because Fawkes has. Lavender helps keep you grounded as do your family. When your birthday comes, it's hard to celebrate without Fawkes being with you. Your friends and family did something completely different than normal and threw a party.

Auntie DJ's although you know that at some point Adam will take her for a turn around the room. You dance to a mixture of slow songs and faster rock and roll ballads that were the mark of your life. You dance with Lavender, and see Seamus and Dean dancing together, as well as the parents, Neville and Gabriel and Parvati and Adam. You change partners every once in a while and by the end of the night you've danced with everyone.

“Do you want us to stay up with you tonight?” Adam asks and you smile at Lavender over his shoulder.

“No, thank you. You guys get some sleep, I have a new pile of books to make my way through,” You say with a smile.

“Are you sure?” Adam asks and Gabriel smirks, leans over and whispers in Adam's ear.

“I'm sure,” You tell him and Adam nods, and with a slightly disgusted look on his face, heads upstairs to his room. Gabriel winks at you heading up to his own. Everyone else blinks a little confused before heading up to their own rooms. Lavender lingers behind and holds your hand and leads you up the stairs.

Once in your room, Lavender shuts the door and then starts to kiss you, pushing you back against it. You wrapped your arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She pulls back and pulls you towards the bed. A fire blazes in your chest but you bite your lip nervously.

“Everything OK?” Lavender asks and you bite your lip.

“How... how far is this going?” You ask nervously and Lavender stops.

“It depends how far you're comfortable. I'm... well...” Lavender blushes and you smile but scratch the back of your neck.

“I.. I'd like to kiss you some more, and I am very attracted to you but I'm just not ready to... Can we just take it slow for a while longer?” I ask and Lavender nods.

“Always,” Lavender promises.

The next morning, you start your usual routine of packing your room and doing your homework. You get called out for training and then you go back to your work. Lavender sits besides you and works on her own homework. Seamus too is doing his work. Neville has already done his as has Parvati and they have both joined the twins and Dean in hanging out in the garden.

Finally, you finish your work and everyone takes a final butter-beer and gathers around for a chess tournament. Auntie teachers those who are less well versed in the game, your family and Neville play furiously. At some point you're playing Lavender who's gotten suspiciously better at the game.

“I had a friend teach me a while ago, just needed a refresher,” Lavender tells you and you smile.

“Chess is like a family tradition so I play it a lot,” You tell her, “I have a feeling I might win this one,”

“Oh really?” Lavender asks and you smile slightly as she makes a single mistake.

“Check mate,” You tell her with a small smile.

“What? No fair!” Lavender complains, “That was three moves,”

“Shall I show you the defence?” You ask her and Lavender nods. You show her the defence and keep going. Lavender manages to survive for ten minutes. You show her something new and she lasts longer. You keep going over and over and Lavender learns more and more each time. You smile, happily until Lavender yawns and you look around to find that you two are the only ones left in the room. The grandfather clock chimes for midnight and you smile.

“It's late,” Lavender notes.

“It is. Would you like to go to bed?” You ask.

“It might be for the best, but maybe we can finish this game first?” Lavender asks and you smile. You move and so does Lavender and you press forwards. You keep playing for ten more minutes and then you smile.

“Checkmate,” You tell Lavender, “Come on let's get you to bed,”

“You may have to carry me,” Lavender tells you and you smile.

“Then hold tight,” You tell her and she nods, holding you as tightly as you hold her. You let her prepare for bed and then you hug her tightly to you and smile as she falls asleep snuggled into your shoulder. You rest your head besides her, massaging her back slightly. You'd read but you are content to just cuddle with your girlfriend.

On the 1st of September there's a weight in your group. The absence of Dean and Hermione is felt like a missing limb. There's laughter at the very beginning but the mood through out the group gradually gets more and more sombre and serious. Lavender stays close to you, gripping your hand tightly to the stage it almost hurts and you know she's terrified. Everyone gets quieter and quieter until you're all practically sat in silence.

Finally, you find yourself standing outside Hogwarts. You group knits itself together as you prepare to enter the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I'm going to do my absolute best to get Sunday's chapter here for Sunday but I'm afraid it may be a couple of days later than normal. I'll try to get it up for Sunday though.


	14. 7th Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back for your seventh year, introducing special guest... the Carrows.

You get to the Great Hall to find Severus Snape sat in the Headmaster's chair. Your fist clenches, you know he's the one who killed Albus. Lavender grips your arm tightly and so does Parvati. Your friends step closer to you, closing ranks and preventing you going after that murdering, slimy, villain.

You take your seat, and that monster introduces the new Dark Arts and potions teachers.The Carrows. Death-eaters. You know as a vampire you'll be signalled out more and more unfairly punished. Madame Pomfrey already told you about the plan though. You're going to be avoiding these lessons, healing in the Hospital Wing instead. You'll hide as much as possible, it's not hard for a vampire to do after all.

When you return to the Gryffindor common room, nobody is sat talking to each other. You all retire to bed immediately. You push the beds together. You and Lavender look at each other awkwardly and Parvati smirks.

“If you two want to sleep together, that's cool with me as long as you two don't do anything you wouldn't in front of your mothers,” Parvati says and you would blush but Lavender smirks back at Parvati.

“Don't worry if we did, we'd set up some silencing charms,” Lavender promises and your mouth falls open a little, “Come on,”

You cuddle her to sleep, rubbing soothing patterns into her skin. You hold your wand in one hand prepared for an attack at any moment.

You travel through school in a pack. No one is left behind. 

The news of the first torture reaches your ears on the second Monday back to school. Your friends have to restrain you after you treat the Hufflepuff boy who was tortured. It takes them all but, what really stops you attacking is when Lavender kisses you and forces you to calm yourself down.

It gets worse from there. No student is immune save the Slytherin's who conform entirely to the Carrow's, you can't keep them safe. You manage to hide yourself away but you can not hide them all. You can't save anyone just heal them up after. Lavender. Parvati. Neville. Seamus. First years. Seventh years.

Neville is the one to come up with the idea, he summons the DA members still here and tell them. You set up shifts to rescue the students. You sign up for the most since you can't sleep. 

Everyone heads separate ways afterwards while you and Neveille prepare for the first shift. You can hear where the students are and that the Carrows are several floors above you. There are six students. You break their chains and hear Neville gasp horrified at the sight of the students all dirty and bloodied and covered in filth.

“We need to get them out of here, who can walk?” You ask and three raise their hands.

“I can carry someone,” Neville offers and you shake your head.

“I can take them, but we'll have to move fast. I'll come back in just a second for you,” You promise, draping one over your shoulder and two under your arms.

“Go,” Neville agrees and you race away.

The Fat Lady is in her portrait, when she sees you carrying the injured students you barely have time to say the password before she swings open to allow you access. You place the students on the floor, you can't risk them falling and injuring themselves more. You place a monitoring charm on them that should tell you if their condition gets worse and then you go back to Neville.

“This way,” You order, leading them away from where you can hear Filch's cat. They follow and you lead them left circling up and around. You need them to hurry, the sooner they are aware the quicker you can start healing. You glance over at Neville, they aren't moving fast enough by a long shot.

“Must I?” Neville asks, guessing what you're thinking.

“Please,” You beg and he nods, climbing onto your back. You grab the other students tucking them beneath your arms and over your shoulders. You run back to the corridor and then start running Diagnostic spells.

“What can I do?” Neville asks and you nod.

“Get them out of the clothes,” You tell him, and then start running through a list of potions that you're going to need; blood replenishers, something to sterilise the wound, pain relief, maybe some sleep potions and dittany. You make a note that you're going to have to get a much larger stock of potions ingredients with the rate students are being tortured.

It takes you a few hours to get everyone back into shape. You know Madame Pomfrey would help you heal them but if she was discovered aiding students she could be fired and you know that as a vampire you days at the Carrow's new Hogwarts are numbered.

When you go back to the Dormitory, Lavender is awake. You slide into bed besides her and whisper quietly into the dark, Parvati's asleep and you don't want to wake her up.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” You ask and Lavender smiles, snuggling into you.

“I couldn't sleep without you,” Lavender whispers and you press a kiss to her forehead.

“I'm here, so sleep,” You tell her and you smile when her eyelids finally flutter closed.

You start to fall into a routine. You do your classes, and then you rescue and heal up students. Once you've finished you put them to sleep for a little while and then Parvati and Seamus take them to the bathrooms to get them cleaned and comfortable. When you can you hold Lavender while she sleeps and you don't wish for anything more or less than this comfortable feeling. Your mother once told you that falling asleep besides someone was one of the best feelings in the world, when you became a vampire you feared you'd lost that but laying besides Lavender you knew you hadn't.

Ginny, Neville and Luna attempt to steal a sword from the 'headmaster' and they end up in the dungeons. You don't attend your lessons though your teachers give you an alibi and mark you present anyway. You rescue them, they are shaking, shivering, scared in a way you'd never seen them before. You heal them physically as best as you can but mentally you don't have anything you can do for anyone, it's not your strong suit.

One night after the Dungeon raid, you aren't careful enough. You listen but there is silence, you refuse to smell. It's hard to smell anything beneath the smell of students blood. You enters the dungeons and start breaking students out.

“What have we here?” Alecto Carrow drawls as you break the last student free. Neville lifts one of them and one of the students in better shape grabs another much more injured student.

“Get them out of here,” You tell him when Neville hesitates. He nods and hurries away with the students. Alecto Carrow turns as if to follow them but you throw yourself forwards and block her quickly.

“I'd be very careful if I were you,” Alecto Carrow tells you and you raise an eyebrow.

“So would I,” You tell her letting the challenge break free of you. The most important thing to do is to buy Neville time. The more time you can get him the greater the chance he can get those students away and heal them up.

“Crucio,” Alecto Carrow casts lazily and you block it easily.

“That the best you've got?” You ask and Alecto Carrow smirks.

“Not by a long-shot,” Alecto Carrow promises, her next spell is wordless but you deflect that one too.

“Good, but not good enough,” You tell her cockily. Alecto Carrow growl, sending out a flurry of spells which you deflect one after another. The angrier she gets the sloppier her spells become. You smile.

“Your quick but I'm quicker. Guess that comes with old age, hmm?” You ask and Alecto growls, striking faster and faster. The spells get noticeably darker, and it's only when you deflect a green light that a thought occurs to you. One slip up and you could actually die. How long have you been fighting? Five or six minutes? Could Neville have made it back to the common room? Maybe, but if you can delay Alecto Carrow longer it raises his chances.

Focus, you tell yourself, regardless of what they are doing you must survive. You block more spells and start to throw your own offensive spells towards Alecto. You're gaining the upper-hand when a voice shows up and brings with it your defeat.

“What do we have here?” Amucus Carrow asks and that's when you make a mistake, turning instinctively to see him, you can't turn in time to deflect a stunning spell from Alecto.

Strong iron bands pin you in place. It's dark in the dungeons, almost too dark to see. How long have you been down here? You don't know. It's been too long. A sudden light invades your eyelids and you reflexively try to shield your eyes from it but you can't. Eventually, your eyes adjust enough that you're able to see who is in the room and you know you're in for hell when you discover it's Alecto Carrow.

“I heard an interesting rumour. They say, you're a filthy bloodsucker. Is that true?” Alecto Carrow asks and you know you don't have long left.

“Is it true you're an idiot?” You ask and Alecto throws back her head and laughs.

“Oh, you should not have said that,” Alecto tells you, flashing a sharks grin, “CRUCIO,”

Your vision goes white as your body is savaged by a furry, fanged, monstrosity.

“Is... that... the... best... you... can... do?” You ask through gritted teeth and Alecto smiles.

“On the contrary,” Alecto promises, casting it again and again.

“Where's.... my.... wand?” You ask and Alecto smiles.

“In my hand,” Alecto tells you, adding insult to injury.

“Thank you,” You say with a smile and Alecto frowns.

“What?” Alecto asks as Lavender casts a Stunning spell from behind.

“Are you OK?” Lavender asks and you take a deep breath.

“No, but I'll get there,” You promise, “She's got my wand though,”

“I'll get it,” Lavender promises, grabbing it before casting unlocking spells.

You fall forwards, and Lavender has just enough time to let out a squeak before she's trapped beneath you.

“Sorry,” You apologise, “She hit me with a stunner, it's wearing off but I can't fully move,”

“Hang on a second,” Lavender says, casting the counter, “Better?”

“Much,” You promise, and Lavender nods, lifting you up and pulling you up towards the hospital wing.

“We can't go in without risking Madame Pomfrey,” You tell her.

“Well... she specifically told me to bring her to you. She cares about you and on this matter she was very firm,” Lavender tells you.

There isn't much Madame Pomfrey can do for you. Your wrists are red and rubbed raw by the chains but unlike the other students you didn't have sectumsempra cast on you so there's really not much to do.

Lavender takes you back to the Gryfindor dormitory and you snuggle under the covers with her. Lavender let's out a little yawn but blinks herself back awake.

“I can stay awake with you if you want,” Lavender tells you and you shake your head.

“It's OK, just sleep,” You tell her and she nods, resting her head in the crook of your shoulder she falls back to sleep quickly.

When she wakes back up, you have questions for her.

“Is Neville and everyone OK?” You ask her and Lavender let's out an angry growl.

“Everyone's fine. Neville's hiding, when I find him I'll kill him,” Lavender promises.

“Why?” You ask.

“He left you! He left you all alone with Alecto Carrow and I didn't know something was wrong until I tried the hospital wing!” Lavender yells.

“I knew the risks, he got everyone out and that's what matters,” You tell her and Lavender shakes her head angrily.

“How can you be so calm?” Lavender asks and you sigh.

“I stayed behind to fight Alecto Carrow. I told him to go. He didn't know if I had or hadn't escaped but it doesn't matter. It wasn't about me but it was about those students,” You say.

“It was still wrong,” Lavender argues.

“Maybe, but I don't harbour any hate or anger towards him,” You tell her and she sighs.

“I'm going to get up,” Lavender tells you, finishing the discussion.

Christmas was quickly approaching Hogwarts and bringing with it a chill even you could feel (although not physically). You'd encouraged Lavender to go and see her parents, Semaus' parents had been invited over too and so Seamus got to spend time with Dean. Neville was still hiding but Parvati was going with her best-friend to your home (and also because she wanted to see Adam again which you found gross but had to accept). You're staying behind though, students won't stop being tortured just because it's Christmas.

With Lavender gone thought the days pass much slower and you find yourself all alone. Two weeks, you tell yourself, two weeks and she'll be back.

When Lavender comes back, it's not quite as joyful occasion as you anticipated. Luna Lovegood has been abducted by death-eaters. Your whole body shakes with suppressed anger when your eyes land on the faces of Snape and the Carrows. Lavender rubs your back soothingly until she knows you're fully in control and then the two of you spend the rest of the day trying to soothe Ginny Weasley.

On the morning that lessons begin again, Professor Mcgonagal approaches you. Her face is pale white, and her lips are so tightly pressed together that they almost disappear completely.

“I'm afraid there's been a mistake on your timetable,” Professor Mcgonagal tells you, placing a new schedule before you. A new schedule that includes potions and DA with the Carrows. She hesitates, trying to search for a way to protect her cub but you don't let her.

“Thank you Professor,” You tell her and she nods, distraught and then walks back to the staff table. Lavender looks over your shoulder and then her hand is squeezing yours tightly.

“You can't go,” Lavender tells you and you shake your head.

“If I don't then they'll take it out on Professor Mcgonagal and I won't let that happen. I'll go and I'll face them,” You tell her and Lavender shakes her head.

“This is no time for heroics,” Lavender tells you and you shake your head.

“Tell that to the people who've saved and protected me all year,” You tell her and Lavender shakes her head.

“I don't like you being hurt,” Lavender tells you.

“I'll do what I have to do. I love you, but I have to do this,” You tell her and Lavender presses a kiss to your lips.

“I love you too. We'll get through this, I'll keep you safe,” Lavender promises.

“I'll keep you safe too,” You promise and she nods.

Your first DA lesson comes after Herbology. You file into the classroom with the other students and find that the classroom is seperated into Pure-bloods, Half-bloods and Muggle-borns. Amycus Carrow smiles cruelly when she sees you and her brother laughs.

“They're not normally both here,” Lavender tells you and your stomach sinks.

“Go sit down, it'll be OK,” You tell her and then you hold your head high and act like nobodies been acting like this class will be your death sentence.

“Bloodsucker, we have a special place reserved for you,” Alecto Carrow crows. You follow her and find a single desk at the front of the class. You take the seat, but are immediately forced to leap on top of the table to avoid the manacles that spring to life.

“Any reason that you're causing disruption to my lesson?” Amycus Carrow asks, you freeze the manacles and then turn to Amycus Carrow.

“Not anymore,” You tell him.

“For causing disruption and failure to address me as sir, I must punish you,” Amycus says with a smile.

“Go ahead,” You challenge.

“Oh , I will just not to you.,” Amycus laughs, spinning around and pointing his wand at Lavender. You react without thinking, your hands grabbing his throat and holding him tightly.

“Try it and I will snap your neck before you have the chance to regret it,” You hiss.

“Let him go,” Alecto smirks pointing her wand at Lavender. She starts counting down and you grit your teeth waiting. She casts the spell and you launch her brother forwards.

“Crucio!” Alecto yells, and you step in front of Lavender. You don't have enough time to cast a protego, but Lavender does. More voices soon join in. Lavender casts shield after shield.

“Come on let's go,” Lavender says and you nod. Seamus and Parvati leap to their feet and follow you. You grab them all tucking them onto you, and then you're running full speed to the room of requirements. If there's anywhere capable of hiding you this place is. A door appears, and you yank it open placing everyone to the floor and slamming the door close.

“You!” Lavender yells launching herself after someone.

“Oh! For Morganna's sake, does it never stop!” You mutter, racing forward to pull Lavender off the poor shaking boy on the floor.

Ten minutes later, Neville sits on one side of the room nursing a broken nose and nervously glancing over at Lavender. Your girlfriend sits on the other side of the room, casually chatting with Parvati as though nothing had happened. You sit in the middle of the room with Seamus both slightly stunned.

“Is everyone OK?” You ask, standing shakily.

“Are you?” Parvati asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, mate, take a seat. You got hit by a lot of of crutiatious curses,” Seamus tells you.

“I'm OK,” You lie, needing to feel useful.

“Love, quit lying and come sit with me,” Lavender calls out, a hint of disappointment in her voice but her arms are still open and invite you to sit with her. You make your way over to her and rest your head on her shoulder. 

“I'm sorry,” You whisper gently..

“Don't be, you protected me,” Lavender tells me.

“You protected me too,” You point out and Lavender nods.

“Do me a favour? Don't get injured or killed, I don't want to be alone when I'm seventy?” Lavender tells you and you smile slightly.

“You think you'll still want me when you're seventy?” You ask.

“Love, I think I'll always want you,” Lavender replies, pressing a kiss to your cheek. You rest your head back against her shoulder.

Parvati gives you a measured look, before reclaiming Lavender's attention. You don't mind, because Lavender rubs soothing patterns into your skin. Seamus walks over, healing Neville's nose before talking to him. You wish for a book to read and suddenly there's one in your hand. You smile, snuggling closer to Lavender as you read.

At some point, everyone goes to sleep except for you. Thankfully, the room of requirements puts a bookcase in the place of your hammock. Lavender takes the hammock nearest to the bookcase, and you feel a pang in your chest. You're used to lying next to her while she sleeps but there isn't enough space for the both of you in a hammock. You think she might have become used to it since she tosses and turns for a while before giving up and climbing out of the hammock.

You watch her carefully as she approaches.

“Couldn't sleep?” You ask softly.

“No..” Lavender sighs.

“Me neither,” You joke and she chuckles before sliding into your waiting arms.

“Will you read to me?” Lavender whispers and you save your page before turning to the cover.

“Do you really want me to read transfiguration : a theory?” You ask and Lavender purses her lips, “I don't mind reading something different if you want,”

“Will you read this?” Lavender asks, placing the book in your hand. It's a wixing love novel. You smile and start to read aloud. Lavender falls asleep around halfway through the third chapter. You move her back to her hammock and move to leave but Lavender stops you.

“Stay?” Lavender ask and you nod as she hugs your arm close to her. You summon you book and continue reading.

In the morning, Parvati is the first to wake. You're surprised, but not as surprised as Parvati is to find you with your arm still being used as a teddy bear while you read.

“Good morning,” You whisper.

“Why are you stood like that?” Parvati asks, with a smile.

“She asked me to stay,” You shrug and Parvati smiles slightly.

“You really care about her, don't you?” Parvati asks and you smile fondly at Lavender.

“Yeah, I hope she does too,” You tell her and Parvati snickers.

“Don't worry, she's head over heals. You make her safe and comfortable and she talks about you, not brags, but actually talks about you and it's really sweet,” Parvati says smiling, “You know, I never thought that I'd find someone of Lavender's that'd make me break my rule but I do like you. You challenge her, make her feel brave and smart and you care about her just and not because you have to but because you just do,”

“Thank you,” You whisper and Parvati smiles before heading off towards the showers.

Eventually, Lavender wakes up when he sees you still stood besides her she smiles a huge big beaming grin that splits across her whole face.

“You stayed,” Lavender whispers.

“I'm aware,” You say sarcastically, making Lavender laugh.

When Neville wakes (long before Seamus since that boy could sleep through a hurricane as you discovered over the Summer) you decide you need to talk.

“Hey...” You say and stop not sure how to continue.

“Hey...” Neville sighs before he continues, “You want to know why I left you, right?”

You shake your head, “No, it's OK. I know about your Grandma and how much you needed to protect them all,”

“I thought you could handle Alecto Carrow, I should have double checked though,” Neville explains and you nod.

“You overestimated me,” You say softly.

“No, I underestimated what you'd to protect people,” Neville answers firmly.

Seamus wakes up just before twelve.

“Hungry,,,” Seamus moan.

“Then go get food,” Parvati calls, the four of you are gathered around playing cards.

“Where from?” Seamus asks as he pulls himself from the hammock, looking around with a wild look in his eyes. Neville stands and leads him over to a portrait.

“A man called Alberfoth has been feeding me since I got here.,” Neville says pulling open a passage, you don't ask just pull yourself through the portrait hole.

When you get to the end, you see Alberforth and knew why he was helping.

“Professor Dumbledore?” Seamus asks.

“No. Albus is dead. This is Alberforth,” You cut in.

“Why are you here?” Alberforth asks and Seamus seems to shrink back a little.

“We're friends of Neville... do you think we could have some food and drink?” You ask, Alberforth nods grabbing a pot of stew and some butter-beer.

“Thank you,” You and Seamus say and you walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, got it! See you Saturday!


	15. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to fight and to die. To hurt and to heal.

Day by day, the numbers within the room grow as you rescue and recruit more students from Hogwarts. You give them an option to leave Hogwarts and head home or join you. At first most go home but as your numbers grow more and more people start to say yes until soon there's always a card game and a conversation.

Days start to fly by, you and the four originals teach everyone the lessons you're all missing and also help students defend themselves. Lavender finds ways to help everyone be OK with what they have to face on a day by day basis. Parvati and Seamus supervises five students a day and get them outside for one hour so that they could enjoy some of the health benefits. You have to create Vitamin D potions to lift moods and keep people healthy. 

Then it all changes, when three people throw open the portrait hole and appear entirely unexpectedly. You grin, tackling your best-friend into a hug while Ron and Harry sheepishly stand slightly to the side.

“You're alive!” You whisper in her ear with a huge smile.

“As are you, worst for ware but alive,” Hermione whispers.

“Quite wrong Granger, I've been dead six years!” You tell her and your friend cracks up.

“I've missed you,” Hermione tells you.

“I've missed you too,” You tell her.

“Can we sit down?” Hermione asks and you frown, quickly guiding her to a chair.

“Are you injured?” You ask and Hermione smiles.

“We all are little,” Hermione admits, and you nod, picking up Ron and placing him in a second chair letting Harry continue his speech. You start healing their various burns and bruises until you see that they're OK again.

Harry asks to see the diadem of Ravenclaw for some reason and needs an escort. You stay with Harry and Luna who was rescued from the Malfoys and as you walk you start healing the same wounds on Harry that are found on Hermione and Ron. He smiles when he feels better and thanks you.

Alecto Carrow finds the three of you, she tries to attack but you react angrily since you've had enough of her. Without a second though you hit her with a stunner so powerful she flies into a window so hard that it leaves a crack in the glass.

“I think that's my point,” You say with a smirk and then a frown, “Can I go check on everyone?”

“Of course, do what you have to. We should be fine from here,” Harry tells you and you nod racing to go back to the room of Requirements to find that Hermione is summoning the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore's Army. You nod and then people start streaming through the portrait hole.

Dean arrives through the portrait hall and Seamus kisses him so hard you're surprised they don't fly through the wall.

Gabriel, Adam and your Mum follow behind him. Your stomach drops, they could die. You're already aware and now they're here and it's hitting you. They could die.

“Why are you here?” You ask, lifting them up and swinging them all around.

“We heard you could do with a hand saving the world,” Adam says ruffling your hair.

“Just try really hard not to die,” You make them promise and they nod.

A sudden sqwark introduces someone new and you see Vulcan fly into the room. You switch to join him and greet him.

“Have you been OK?” You ask and Vulcan nods.

“I'm sorry friend. Fawkes was not your fault. I should not have blamed you,” Vulcan tells you and you feel like a weight falls off your chest.

“Thank you. Are you fighting?” You ask and Vulcan smiles.

“Fawkes believed in this cause, I will fight for him,” Vulcan tells you.

Hermione summons people to the Great Hall giving you and Lavender a moment alone. You quickly switch out of your animagus form.

“This is it,” Lavender tells you.

“Stay close to me. I want to try to protect to you,” You tell her.

“Of course,” You promise. Lavender kisses you hard with a passion and you don't want to stop because for a moment your safe and can pretend that a war isn't about to go down and then the door to the Room of Requirements opens.

“Time to move,” Hermione tells the two of you and you nod, grimly.

You and Lavender keep together, standing at the doors to the castle where people are most likely to enter. Lavender casts shields while you hit death-eater after death-eater with spell after spell stopping them before they can enter the castle. You cast a few wards that won't last many hits but you'll have to rely on after the numbers become too great for Lavender to stop with shielding charms. 

Finally the shield will only take one more hit and you grab Lavender's hand and run backwards to a larger group that will provide better safety. Seamus finally blows up his bridge and you grab a larger piece of the bridge and block off the doorway and then you cast some wards as extra shields.

“I need you!” Madame Pomfrey yells and you hear it.

“Hospital Wing,” You tell Lavender.

“I'll hold the fort,” Lavender promises.

“If it get's too much-” You start.

“Don't worry, I'm not leaving you alone,” Lavender promises.

You get to the Hospital Wing and heal as many of the people as you can. There's so much blood, too much blood. Damn this war. It takes you half an hour before Madame Pomfrey orders you back to battle.

“I love you,” She calls out out to you.

“I love you too,” You call back and then you're back looking for your girlfriend and to look after her. You find your family first and you add extra wards and end some of the most out-matched duels before going back to find Lavender. 

You start to track her scent, you need to know she's OK. A voice booms through the castle, you don't care, you need to find Lavender.

You catch the sickly sweet scent from your right and go to it. Blood. There's blood. EVERYWHERE. Lavender's blood. A man straddles her. A werewolf man.

You're on him within seconds. Your fist swings out and connects with his throat. His head snaps backwards and you know he's dead. You feel sick for a moment but you turn your head and look towards Lavender still lying on the floor. You search for a pulse, a sign she's breathing. Please, give me anything at all.

The universe does you one better. Eyes flicker open. Slowly, silent, serious and then a half smile forms. There's a pause. A sniffing of the air and then lips moving speaking just below the range of your hearing.

“I'm alive,” Lavender tells you and you hug her tightly to you. So tight you feel her heart pounding against your own. You both lay still, holding tightly to each other. You want to stay here in this moment forever where you know she's safe.

The battles not over though. You get to your feet, clinging tightly together. You throw yourself back into the fight with a ferocity, utilising everything. The battle feels never ending. It doesn't end when you see Harry dead. Nor when everything hurts so hard you think your falling apart at the seams. It's not even over when Harry, not dead, kills Voldermort. No, you start a second battle in which you have to heal those injured.

Fred Weasley is dead.

Tonks is dead.

Remus is dead.

You save all you can but you bite your lip to try to hold yourself again when you have to tell people that their child, sibling, mother, father, uncle, aunt, cousin or friend is dead. You can't see your own family.

“I'll find them,” Lavender promises and you nod returning to your work. You can't think about anything other than the patients before you.

You see Hermione with Ron. She's alive. Neville hugs his grandma. They made it. Parvati stands alone, her sister went home, but when she gives you a questioning look you nod. Lavender's alive, although she may have side affects from Fenir Greyback's attack. Seamus and Dean are hugging and crying in a corner. They are alive.

Lavender comes back, she has all of your family behind her. Gabriel, Adam, your mum and... your Dad and Auntie.

“Why are you here?” You ask.

“We hoped we could help heal,” Your Dad tells you and Auntie nods.

“That'd be great,” You agree. Adam taps your shoulder, a grave expression on his face.

“Vulcan's dead,” Adam tells you and you want to feel something powerful but you're so tired and numb the only thing you can do is continue to heal.

It's almost eighteen hours later, when there's nothing to do, that Madame Pomfrey leads you up to the roof. You don't talk, but it's good to be able to sit with someone else who can completely understand what it's like to have to tell a parent their kid is dead or to struggle to save someone and them die anyway. You stay for long enough to watch the sunset and grieve in your own silences before you both depart. You to Lavender and her to sleep.

You go back to Hogwarts for your redo year as does Lavender. She sees the way people are hurting and now she wants to help healing the mind and neither of you don't want St. Mungo's to have any reason to refuse you employment. 

You and Lavender work out that she is in fact now a werewolf when she realises she has a mate, you.

“I guess it's us forever then?” Lavender asks and you grin.

“Are you OK?” You ask and Lavender shakes her head.

“I'll be OK, there's wolfsbane and I heard that I got to keep some things like the speed, smell and strength,” Lavender tells you and you smile something hitting your brain.

“Race you!” You whisper.

She catches you at the black lake. Lavender catches you and you smile.

“Got you,” Lavender whispers.

“Is that so?” You ask, wrapping your arms tightly around her. You smile when she presses a kiss to your lips.

You both have plans to make the world better, to do what you love and to be together and you both have every belief that you'll accomplish it.

The war leaves scars on you both. You can't escape the feeling of guilt for Vulcan and Fawkes. Neither of you can escape the death that you caused and saw.

No one can, but the world forces and offers people help. You'll get there, day by day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost doubted I'd manage it but we've done it! It's over! Thank you all so much for reading and thank you to everyone who left a comment, bookmarked and left Kudos. I have other works I'll put out soon, but I'll be taking about a week or so to rest. If you enjoyed this, then please keep your eye out for other works, I have Percy Jackson stories coming out soon if you're interested and the next pairing I have is Fleur and Reader.
> 
> Anyhow, thanks for everything, take care and have a good life no matter what you do.
> 
> \- Hugo


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